I was in college when my family started going to church for the first time. I'd grown up an atheist, maybe going to church with the grandparents the occasional Christmas and Easter. Then, suddenly, once I turned eighteen and moved out of the house to go to college across the country in California, my parents decided that my younger siblings ought to get some church in their childhood. Or something like that. From what mom and dad told me, my little sister was an active member of the youth group, my baby brother enjoyed his time in Sunday School, and my mom had already become a member of the choir. Only my dad remained as skeptical as I was of the whole thing.
Whether I was packing my bag to head home for summer vacation, moving my things into an on-campus storage unit, or hugging my college friends goodbye, I couldn't help but wonder what had possibly possessed my mom to get involved with some church after forty years telling me God wasn't real. The plane ride home on Wednesday afternoon, I dreaded the idea of being dragged to church on Sunday morning when I could be sleeping off a hangover after a night of partying with my high school friends. Hopefully Mom wouldn't force me to go if I didn't want to.
I stepped off the plane in Boston tired from a day of traveling. My highlighted auburn hair was up in a messy bun. I wore my most comfy black leggings with a cropped white tee and sandals to slip on and off through security. Underneath, a sports bra compressed my C-cup breasts into one unattractive lump. I'd barely bothered with makeup, swiping some concealer on my under-eyes and doing a half-assed job shaping my eyebrows. The airport was not the time for vanity.
When I stepped out near baggage claim, I spotted Mom almost immediately. I was her mirror image, with full lips, dark brown eyes, and high cheekbones. She'd cut her hair into a chic bob with bangs while I almost always wore mine up on top of my head, out of my way. At school, I ran track, and I had no interest in long hair flying in my face.
Mom's eyes met mine and a big smile spread across her face. "Lily!" She wrapped me in a big hug and insisted on taking my backpack from me. "Sorry the rest of the family couldn't come; they should all be home by the time we get there. Soccer practice, karate, you know how it is. Your sister has youth group tonight, so dinner'll be on a tight schedule."
"No worries; it's good to see you." I gave her a tired smile and pulled away from the hug. Then I scrunched my eyebrows. "Daisy's going to church on a Wednesday?"
"Yeah, she's gotten pretty invested. I think she has a little crush on Pastor Mark, but I figure if she's going and making friends, no harm done."
I nodded, trying to pretend it wasn't super weird to me. We picked up my suitcase - I tried to pack my cutest summer clothes, shoes, and a few random things from college so I wouldn't be stuck wearing the clothes I left behind after high school - and tossed it in the trunk of Dad's little black car. Dad must've been on pickup duty with the family SUV.
The ride home was about forty-five minutes to our suburb on the outskirts of the city. It was a medium-sized town with a lot of families. A mix of progressives and conservatives, religious people and atheists, etc. Just a pretty average town. I liked being back for the holidays in the winter semester, but I was worried about spending the whole summer here. Being back in California for spring break was magical, full of beach days and skateboards and total freedom. The idea of a summer spent in my lavender childhood bedroom, hopping between childhood friends and babysitting my younger siblings, felt a world away from what I'd come to know at school. Hopefully I could make the best of it.
When we got home, the house was still quiet, so I set to unpacking some things into my dresser and closet. Soon enough, though, the chaotic sounds of a middle-school girl and a six-year-old boy coming home from practice in need of dinner sounded through the house. I hear Mom clanging pots and pans around in the kitchen whipping together food; her muffled voice told them to come upstairs and visit me.
In about thirty seconds, my siblings Daisy and Louis were wrapping me in bear hugs and peppering me with questions about college. Dad appeared in the doorway to join the flurry. It was chaotic through dinner, with lots of questions and comments and catching up to do. Soon enough, we were sitting in front of a sink full of dishes with leftovers that needed to be packed.
"Lily," Mom said as Daisy ran upstairs to change her clothes and Dad whisked Louis away for bath and play time. "Would you mind taking your sister to youth group so I can get all these dishes done?"
I counter-offered. "I can do the dishes tonight."
"No, no. No chores your first night back. Just run your sister over to the church and then you're free tonight, okay? Address is on the fridge."
My mom was not one to argue with, so I just copied the address into my phone. Daisy came down from her room and we went out to my car, which had been sitting alone in the garage since December. I started it up, mounted my phone on the window holder for GPS, and started off down the street.
I attempted some prying small talk. Teenage siblings are the most likely to talk. "So...church. What's, ah, what's going on there?"
"Mom and Leanne, the lead pastor's wife, became friends at her book club thing. So we all started going. I have a couple friends from school who are in the youth group so I've been going to that too."
"Mom thinks you just have a crush on the youth pastor."
Daisy's face turned bright red. "Wait til you see him, Lils! He's gor-gee-ous." She gave me a poke in the ribs as we turned into the church's parking lot. "He's only a few years older than you, I think."
I laughed. "I don't think pastors are really my type, but thanks for keeping an eye out for me. Want me to walk you in or anything?"
"Yeah, you have to meet Pastor Mark."
I rolled my eyes and put the car in park. "Alright."
I figured if I was going to be dragged to church the whole summer, I might as well make nice with some of the locals.
Daisy made a face at me. "Can you, like, touch up your makeup or something?"
With a joke about vanity and Jesus on the tip of my tongue, I glanced at myself in the rearview. Oof. Not my best at all. I smoothed out my hair and swiped at some of my dried concealer, but not much else could be done. I was still wearing my airport lounge clothes. Whatever.
We left the car and walked into the church. The whole first floor was dark and eerie, only a few lights on so, presumably, the kids could see the path up to the youth room. We headed up a stairwell off the side of the foyer. It felt low-key like a horror movie to me. I've never liked churches much.