It was early evening when Peter arrived home. Setting his golf bag down in the corner of the garage he braced himself mentally for the evening ahead.
Must appear normal!
He went through the garage door into the breakfast room, calling out his presence.
"Hi, I'm home!"
He walked through into the kitchen just as Diane answered.
"Hello. You're late - good game of golf?"
"Yes, sorry, I had a drink afterwards with Ian and Zoe in their garden. And no, I had a terrible game."
She was stood at the worktop, preparing salad for their evening meal. He pressed up behind her and slipped his arms round her waist, reaching up to cup her full breasts through the thin Lycra top she was wearing. He leant forward and kissed the side of her neck as she tilted her head for him, smiling in appreciation. As he caressed her he began to harden, and pressed against her firm buttocks. She was wearing a long, thin, floaty skirt, and either no panties or a thong, as he could clearly feel the divide of her buttocks. She moaned softly, her eyes closed as he continued to kiss and nibble her neck, jawline and ears; her nipples hardened under his caressing.
How different she feels to Zoe; softer, more rounded ...so familiar.
"Home alone tonight β we'd better make the most of it." He whispered in her ear, then pulled back from her; she opened her eyes with a start.
She turned her head and looked at him quizzically.
"What do you have in mind?"
"The works, the Full Monty ... bonking in the bedroom, lust on the lino ... " he waved his arms theatrically as she smiled indulgently at him " ... shagging on the shagpile, cunnilingus in the conservatory, dildos on the deck, buggery in the broom-cupboard and gynaecology in the garden ... all those things you can't do when you've got a child at home." He grabbed her round the waist again, spun her round to face him and kissed her passionately as she hung in his embrace like a rag doll.
"Phew! What got into you?" she gasped as he broke the kiss.
"It's what's going to get into you that you should be more worried about." He grinned down at her. "Right, I'm going to shower, shave and make myself devilishly handsome. If you know anyone who wants to take advantage of me, send 'em on up."
And with that he leapt for the door in a ludicrous impersonation of Rudolf Nureyev. Fortunately, he didn't fall flat on his face. Diane listened to him leaping up the stairs, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, shook her head and widened her eyes in bemused disbelief, then went back to her salad preparation. Ten minutes later, she took a bottle of white wine from the fridge, opened it, then grabbed two glasses from the cupboard and went upstairs.
As she entered their bedroom, she heard the sound of his razor coming from the en suite, and Peter groaning and howling above it. As the razor stopped, she heard him pause the caterwauling, then utter those immortal words ...
" ... A crowded room ..." in a strangled, nasal groan.
"Oh goody, I get to see Eccles naked!" she called out, putting the bottle and glasses on his bedside cabinet.
"Yehss, mine Kapitain! And Bluebottle will show you his cardboard sword!" came the high-pitched squeal in reply.
She walked into the bathroom; he was standing naked at the basin, inspecting his shaving efforts in the mirror, running his fingers over his face as he pulled various grimaces to tighten the skin. She stood behind him, on tiptoes to rest her chin on his shoulder as she slipped her arms around him and cupped his soft tackle in both hands.
"I say!" he muttered suavely, Ξ¬ la Hercules Grytpype-Thynne "Can I help you miss?"