We were sitting in our study, getting ready for the new semester that would start shortly when we received a call from Helen saying that something totally unexpected had happened and she would see us tomorrow. She wouldn't say another word because she just couldn't explain it over the phone. We were shocked, of course, and Sandy, who had talked to her, said that she sounded all wound up and was almost incoherent. It seemed obvious the news of her pregnancy had not gone over well. We pointlessly speculated as what had happened and what was going to happen, but all we did was worry ourselves more.
The following morning, we waited nervously for Helen, not believing that any news she brought would be good. Fortunately, classes hadn't started yet, so we could wait together. Finally, at almost 11:00, Helen's car came up the drive and we rushed to greet her. As she got out of the car, she had the most indecipherable expression on her face. We hurried to her, asking, at the same time, "What happened, what's going on!"
"Let's go inside do I can explain what happened from the beginning." We did just that, our curiosity killing us. We sat down in the living room, literally on the edge of our seats as she spoke. "Ok, I got home and found the message that Richard wouldn't be there for three more days. That was a very long layover, but I assumed, as he said, that there had been a plane engine problem, so I didn't think much of it. Anyway, he came in and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek as he always did, but he seemed quite perturbed. We sat down in the living room and I decided to break the news to him immediately and get it out of the way, so I said, "Richard, I have something very important to tell you and I hope you'll be happy."
"Before I could break the news, however, he interrupted and said. 'I have something to say first and I don't think that you will like it or be happy.' I, of course, was shocked and filled with foreboding, but I had absolutely no idea what he could be talking about. All I could think of was that somehow he knew that I was pregnant and also knew that it wasn't artificial insemination. Before I could react, he went on. 'We have a serious problem as you know. You very badly want a baby and I have been totally unable to provide you with one. I know that you've been hurt that I have been able to have an erection with others, but not with you. I assure you that it has nothing to do with you. We've had what I believe has been a very happy marriage, but I've been living a lie for the last two years. Contrary to what you've been assuming, I haven't been with a bunch of female groupies or attendants. The truth I've hidden from you is that I'm gay! I tried to hide it from myself when we married and for a year afterwards, but you are what you are, and I'm gay!'
"I looked at him in astonishment and the whole thing came into focus. Right from the beginning he couldn't get hard with me and I just assumed that it was our mutual lack of interest in sex! I'm sure that I sat there with my mouth hanging open, not saying a word about the bombshell he had just landed on me. He just stared at me, waiting for my response and I just didn't know what to say. What do you say to an announcement like that!
"Finally, I was able to collect myself to ask, 'Why are you telling me this now? You've hidden it for two years. Why now? Is it because you can't give me a baby?' That obviously was not the time to give him my bombshell.
"That's when he delivered the second part of his shocking news. 'No, Helen, that's only a part of it. There was a man I met while I was in the service and we were very close the last year while I was stationed in Okinawa - that is, when we were in Okinawa. I've seen him each time I've flown to any of the Asian cities. He's come to the U.S. and I've been with him for the last three days. We were together on a number of times when I told you I would have a long flight with a layover. Helen, I still love you as a friend, but I want to be with him permanently. I can't stand this sneaking around and living a lie. I want us to get a divorce so I can be happy and you can find a man to give you what you want.'
"I was in shock, as you can believe. I didn't tell him my news. I didn't need that complication. You know, I feel a little foolish that I never suspected a thing. I guess it was because there was no sudden change in our relationship. In retrospect, it seems like such an obvious explanation for everything, but, it's the usual 20/20 hindsight. Anyway, that's my news."
We hadn't interrupted her through that long statement, seeing that she had to get it all out. To say that we were shocked would be an understatement, of course. We both, in turn, hugged her and held her, but not knowing what to say to comfort her. The obvious question was, "How do you feel and what are you going to do now?"
Her response, basically, was that she didn't know. First, she said that there were no recriminations. She was surprisingly calm and she accepted the situation as not a reflection on herself. Fortunately, we have come to accept that a person's sexual orientation is not a matter of choice and, she admitted, reluctantly, that she was relieved to find that he wasn't rejecting her for another woman. Even the thought of divorce didn't hit her as hard as she would have expected. She also admitted that with her eyes open to the pleasures of sex, a sexless marriage actually didn't appeal to her as it once had. In addition, she wasn't facing the world alone as she would have if this had occurred a year ago.
So, there was a sense of loss. A relationship that, overall, had been happy, was gone, but she wasn't being dropped into the abyss of loneliness. She had friends she loved and loved her, she was pregnant and the world wasn't dark. They had talked in a civilized manner - much better than Richard had feared I assume - and peacefully settled things which can lead to animosity and, even, hatred and long court battles. That made it easier for Richard to agree to send her a guilt-free percentage of his pay for the next ten years and she to agree to an uncontested, no fault divorce. Subject to lawyers wrapping up the agreement, it was a peaceful dissolution of what for several years had been a happy marriage.
Helen sat there with a sad look on her face, not surprising under the circumstances, of course. She was very quiet after the story had been told and we had reacted. Finally, after several long minutes, she broke her silence. "You know, I've been sitting here thinking about what went on between Richard and me about all of this. We talked about an hour, as I said, very calmly and civilized and that bothers me in a way. Like our marriage, there was no passion. Neither us seemed to feel a major loss. We were good friends who had been together and enjoyed ourselves, but it was time to say goodbye. I didn't shed any tears, but it was sad to see it end, almost like saying goodbye to college friends as each went their own way, probably never to see each other again. I loved Richard, but it was like love for a high school sweetheart - feeling deep and intense at the time, but with more time revealing how shallow it was. I guess I'm sad that the ending didn't hurt more. Thank heavens I didn't get pregnant sooner! I don't know what that complication would have meant.
"The amazing, and scary, thing about all of this is that if Richard had come to me two years ago and said that he was happy with our marriage, but that he was gay and sex between us wasn't interesting to him, I might well have shrugged it off. I wasn't interested in sex either, so if he had outside affairs with men rather than female groupies, it might not have bothered me. It was only my desire to be a mother that would have been a deal breaker between us. In fact, I don't know what I would have done even now: if he hadn't wanted a divorce and he accepted my pregnancy, would I have stayed with him since I have you two? Fortunately, I didn't have to face that traumatic decision! At least, Richard made that decision for me!"