I tried to dismiss the patter on the rooftop as typical house noises, but the calamity in the living room was unavoidable. My first instincts pointed to a robber. There had to be some pretty sick individuals in the world to want to break into a house on Christmas Eve, but in today's world you had to expect everything, right? I grabbed my bat and discreetly descended the stairs.
The rumblings got louder as I neared. The footsteps made it seem like this dick was heading back in forth between two places. It made me wonder why no one else in the house (my parents and my little sister) had heard anything. Oh well, I was a big guy, I'd take care of this myself and be the Christmas hero.
I took refuge behind a wall and tried to think of something. I really should have planned out better how I was going to do this, but all I could picture was the accolades I'd be getting from my parents and the cops while they took the asshole away. But alas, I did peer over the side of the wall to see what I was up against. Boy, was I shocked to see what I did!
There wasn't a tough guy in all black and in a ski mask. No, there was a broad! She was bent over while taking something out of a sack. She then moved to put it out somewhere that was out of my line of vision. The peculiar thing was that she wore what resembled a Santa outfit, only skimpier. It was short red strapless dress with a frilly looking skirt that was outlined with white. As accessories, she had thin red gloves that reached her elbows, knee length black boots that complimented her nice white thighs superbly, and a Santa hat (big ball and all) atop her blonde head.
"Stop right there!" I asserted.
She turned around swiftly. Seeing my bat, her blue eyes widened and her arms flew into the air. With her full profile in my vision now, I noted that her breasts were huge!
"Woah!" she exclaimed. "Oh, it's only you Danny."
That was not something I expected to hear. I quizzed how the hell she knew that piece of information. "Ok, who the hell are you and how do you know my name?"
"I know all Danny. After all, I am Santa Claus," she proclaimed while posing for me. "For example, I know that you've been a naughty boy. That's quite the porn collection in your bottom drawer. Miss March is your go-to gal, isn't she?"
I was floored with how she knew that, but I didn't want to give it to her. "First, it's Daniel. No one's called me Danny since elementary school. Second, you can't be Santa. Santa's old and fat and a real slob in my books. Third, he ain't real!"
"It figures you would say that. You....hey! Look up here please." I was staring at her fun bags. How could I not? They were humongous! She continued. "As I was saying, you stopped believing in me before all the other kids did."
"What did you expect 'Santa'? I wanted Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles on Nintendo and I didn't get it while all the other kids did. That's enough to traumatize any 7 year old."
"You had that game already. You broke it. You just can't ask for stuff every time you mess up."
She had me there. I was pretty careless with my possessions back in the day. Maybe her knowing that did prove she was the guy from the North Pole. Well, actually, it didn't explain why Santa was a hot model instead of an old crinkly dude...not that I was complaining or anything. I'd take her over him any day. My dick pointed to the same sentiments.
"So why are you hot?" That didn't come out right. "Why are you, you?" That wasn't much better. Oi...
She laughed at my fumbling. "Ol' Nick retired a few years ago. As his replacement, they wanted someone more youthful, agile, feminine, and oh yeah, downright hot! So they chose me: Bambi!" She spread at her arms as if to present herself to the world.
I could only snicker at that. "Bambi? Santa's replacement is a chick named Bambi? Bambi as in the deer whose mother gets shot?"
