010 What the hell was that?
On the drive home from the gym I kept thinking about Jamie and the interaction we had. I wasn't as fixated on her 32HH bra size, although it was erotic as hell to me, especially the way they stuck out on the sides of her chest and you could see them while she had her back to me. But it was more about the life changes that she mentioned. The exercise issues, running, swimming etc., the bumping into things with them, the struggles with bras, sports bras, clothing, and the attention or people asking to feel them.
I got home and took a real shower with soap, still trying to imagine the issues and how I'd really feel about having to deal with those changes. I really ruminated on our conversation and tried to thoroughly imagine and think through this list of challenges. All evening I thought about this even as I went to bed I was still mentally chewing on these. I drifted off to sleep still fixated on this part of deciding if I wanted very large breasts or not. My small C breasts looked good on me, I thought so and the not so well disguised glances at me in the gym along with the guys looking at each other and then both looking over in my direction were confirmation to me.
That night I dreamt about having breasts that were a double H cup, and how they would affect me and my daily life. The glimpses that I can remember, bumping things or people, bra shopping, people staring, and exercising. I woke up and laid there trying to replay my dreams as they were still fresh in my mind. The things about my dreams, when I have and remember them, is that they illicit an emotional response. I would wake up mad or scared from dreams my whole life.