Security Detail.
It seemed weird to be on a golf course this early in the morning and not have a club in my hand, or at least have a tee off time scheduled.
But there I was on this particular early Thursday morning, sitting and waiting as the course buzzed with excitement.
Ground crews, audio and video crews, food people, decorators, handlers, wranglers, you name it. The place was absolute chaos with a side order of bedlam thrown in just to even things out. The only ones that seemed unfrazzled, were us, the security detail.
My best friend and partner in actual, "crime stopping", Pete, was sitting next to me. Together, we waited for our assignments. Waiting wasn't anything new to us, so we picked a spot that was out of the way but had the best vantage point and used it to our advantage as we watched in the very early morning light, as everyone prepared for the only LPGA event in Ohio this year.
"Ana de Armas?" Pete asked. I knew that he was already bored.
"No way. I've told you a million times, I'm not playing." I told him.
"Humor me big boy. It helps me kill time and it helps with my sex life." Pete pled.
"You always ask the same names. I always give the same answers. And if your think for a minute that this is helping you with your sex life, then you need real help." I told him.
Pete always like to play a version of a game he called, "Marry, Murder or Screw". I knew it helped him kill time. He wanted to play at least once a week while we were cruising around in our unit, keeping Cincinnati safe.
"Answer dick head." He growled. He waited for my answer. Her always waited for my answer. I knew that we wouldn't move forward until we got a round of his game under our belts, so just like every time, I gave in and played along.
"Kill you...screw her and then marry your cute little wife. Who wouldn't?" I gave him the same answer that I always gave when he said her name.
"Keep my wife out of this you prick. Merritt Patterson?" was the second name he asked.
"Who?" Wow, finally someone brand new, but I had no idea who she was.
"Buddy, you gotta get a woman. Ginny makes me watch the Hallmark Channel with her and it's filled with little hotties like Merritt, I swear. She's a smoke show pal." Pete was trying to convince me.
"I'll take your word. Marry." I said because it was the easy choice.
"Marry? Dude, what the fuck? If you saw her, you'd want to do more than marry her. Stop being a pussy." His voice had another small plea in it.
"Make up your mind. You just told me to settle down. What's your problem? If she's a Hallmark girl, she's a safe bet to settle down with. Right?" I explained my reasoning, but without much luck.
"Not really. There are a few chicks in those movies that have whipped their titties out on the big screen. And let me tell you, for Hallmark, they pick some killers for us to look at." Again, he was very emotional while pleading is case.
"Okay, calm down. To keep you happy, I'll fuck her." Yep. I agreed to have sex with an actress from an imaginary movie, just to make my friend happy. The things we do to appease the ones we care about.
"Thanks Ryan, you know that I live vicariously through you." I laughed when he said it because he and Ginny had been married since he graduated the academy. She was a sweetheart and the mother of his children. "Florence Pugh?"
"What, are you just making up names so that I..."
"Hey, you two assholes. Stop the bullshitting and get the fuck in here." One the guys doing the interviewing and giving instructions thought that his rank amongst the golf world would be enough to give us some flack.
Assholes? This fucking prick was about to catch a slap. Pete and I were here because we were hired for security at this golf event. Apparently, some unhappy fan was sending hate mail and threatening letters to a bunch of the lady golfers, and at the request of the LPGA, the course campaigned the local police department and solicited the help of all the off-duty policemen available. They were worried that the ladies might be in some kind of danger. We were here to protect the golfers, not take shit from some flunky carrying a clipboard and handing out orders.
Stopping in the doorway, I turned so that my 6'3" frame shadowed his and looked him in the face.
"Who the fuck are you calling assholes, you fuck wad?" I asked the question because I wanted him to say it again, but it didn't happen.
"Okay, enough with the dick measuring. I want all the off-duty cops on the left side of the room. All the others to the right. And those of you that have P.I. licenses and permits to carry, get on the same side as the cops. And if I hear anyone else mouthing off to security, you can grab your shit and leave." We were later told that the lady now barking orders was Heather Grimes, and she was in charge of player safety. "Alright, if any of you have to piss or take a shit, now's the time to do it. Because once you're on the course with your golfer, you will be expected to be at her side until she finishes her round."
An event coordinator ushered us into a different room where they had clothing that they wanted us to wear. Khaki pants. Black golf shirts with the course logo, and a greyish wind breaker with "SECURITY" on both the front and back. There were also golf appropriate footwear for each of us. After an hour of further instructions and demonstrations, we seemed to be ready.
"Listen-up. You can clip your badges to the belts on your trousers, but all guns must be concealed. We don't want anyone in the crowd or any dumbass cameraman making a big deal about this." The "Understood?" just brought a few grunts from those seated nearby.