I generally like powerful men. The kind that get hair cuts every two weeks and wear dress shirts to work. Men with careers that take them cross country and all over the world. Modern "Mad Men" types that seduce women with good looks and fat wallets.
Johnny wasn't like that. Not even a little bit.
He was a long haired hippy 15 years older. He wore concert t-shirts instead of polos and his jeans had holes in them more often than not; something only he could do at work due to his impressive career as a bass player in the 80's.
The first time I met Johnny, I had no interest sexually. After all, aging rockers aren't really my thing. Maybe he had been an amazing guitar player at one time, shredding for prince and Michael Jackson, but now he was teaching at a community college like me. In the daylight, far away from screaming fans and dark smoke filled venues I didn't find old rockers all that hot.
Even though he wasn't my style, we struck up a friendship. After all, we both taught music, and even if I was a buttoned up piano teacher and he was more free spirited we were still teaching music and dealing with the same administration and after awhile I found I liked him.
Then one day during one of our routine talks, I noticed he had the dancing blue eyes of someone much younger. I started to realize how tall and broad he was, and began to appreciate his insights into teaching music and life really.
I started dressing in the mornings with him in mind. I would dream of him at night while my husband snored next to me and he would even sneak into my thoughts at the grocery store. I remembered he liked Ritz crackers or Valencia Oranges and would pick up those items just to feel closer to him.
If it hadn't been obvious before, my crush became as clear as a fog horn at midnight after a problem I had with a student. I wasn't able to get through to her, and she dropped the program. Johnny of course became a willing ear, in a way my husband couldn't be, and understood the intricacies of the problem in a way no one who outside of the school could.
After that, my crush entered emotional affair territory. We found ourselves talking in private classrooms hours after everyone else had left, our spouses and kids forgotten for the rush of endorphins that came with seeing each other. There was lots of accidental yet on purpose touching and even a few long lingering hugs goodbye with only the bonds of matrimony keeping us from devouring each other.
After a few months, we had gone too far and realized it. Neither one of us truly wanted to cause any pain to the other, so after a brief yet awkward talk, he stopped coming by my classroom after work, and in turn I stopped acting so happy to see him in the hallways. The loving looks between us morphed into quick nods of acknowledgment, and eventually we passed each other without even a glance.
Finally, after a year of trying not to notice each other, my husband dropped a bomb: we would be moving 2000 miles away from California to Washington DC for his career as a doctor. That meant I would never see Johnny again.
When word got out I had put in my two week notice, Johnny came by my office late in the day, right before I was heading out the door with a box of music that had been on the shelf of my classroom for the past 3 years.
"So I guess you're moving, huh." he said sounding genuinely sad about it.
I nodded and put the box of music on my desk. I bit my lip subtly as he slipped in the door closing it behind him. He came across the room and leaned on the wall next to me.
"I'll miss seeing you around you know." he said. I lowered my eyes.. It was partially a submissive gesture but I also didn't want him to see how much I would miss him.
"I'll miss teaching here." My words neutral, but I was well aware my body language was betraying me. My heart started to pound a little and I felt the heat rush to my face in a mixture of sadness, embarrassment and sexual tension I almost wished would go away.
