"I want to put dirty pictures of you on the internet."
Melissa stopped eating, and put down her fork, and said, "Dude, for fuck's sake."
Two months ago she'd let Scott talk her into sucking a stranger's cock, and it had ended badly, with him jealous. That had started exactly this way.
"It's just an idea," Scott said.
"A bad one."
"Mel, this isn't like last time."
She looked at him for a moment. "It kind of feels like it."
"It's different. I won't get upset."
"Dude, you kind of said that last time. And then were."
"Yeah, but with this, you won't actually be with anyone. They won't be touching you."
She thought about that. She picked up her fork.
"All right," she said. "So if I believe you, and you're sure won't be a thing, you really, actually want to do this?"
He shrugged.
She took a mouthful, then thought for a while, chewing. "So," she said. "What is it, the same thrill, sharing me, but no jealous?"
"Something like that."
"Like one picture?"
"Or several."
"Doing what?"
"Whatever you like."
"Fucking?"
He looked at her, then shrugged again.
"I'll think about it," she said.
*
Melissa thought about it, and looked at a few websites where people shared dirty photos of themselves, and decided it was a completely stupid idea. There was no way she was going to let him spread pictures of her around the world, with no idea where they might end up or who would see them. Just no way.
"I thought," she said a few nights later, over dinner. "And no. I don't want to."
He nodded slowly.
"Is that okay?" she said.
"It's fine."
"You seem upset."
"Nah, I just... I'd have liked to."
"It's not that I don't want try some more kinky shit, just not this. I don't want someone who knows me seeing, yeah? My mum. Or your mum. Or your dad."
"Yeah," Scott said, like he hadn't thought of that.
"Your dad," she said. "Seriously. That wouldn't be good. We'll do something else, okay?"
"You realize you don't have to show your face? Not if you don't want to."
"Ah, yeah, you dick, and you realize I don't care? I said no."
"All right. Thank you for thinking about it."
"We'll think of something else."
"Okay."
She looked at him and realized he was disappointed. He was being good about it, wasn't pushing, but he'd been excited by this and was disappointed now.
She wondered if there was some compromise they could find.
"What's the appeal?" she said. "Why naked pictures?"
"I'm not sure."
"Because people can see me but not touch?"
"I suppose."
"So not touching is the big thing?"
"I think so. After last time."
She nodded, and ate for a while, thinking.
"We'll work something out," she said. "I promise."
He nodded, and seemed to relax, and she decided he was okay with her saying no.
*
Melissa started thinking more about people looking at her. About being watched, and people wanting her. She couldn't quite decide how much she was into this. A little, she thought. Maybe a lot.
Almost accidentally, she flashed a guy at work. She probably wouldn't have even noticed if she hadn't been thinking about being watched anyway. Usually, at work, if she was wearing heels, she took them off when she was sitting at her desk, and put them back on to go to meetings or lunch. One afternoon, leaning on the edge of her desk, fiddling with the strap on a tricky shoe, she realized that the way she had one leg bent against the other to reach, she might be showing quite a lot of thigh.
Then she realized Thomas, who sat opposite her, was looking.
Sometimes it happened. Sometimes you bent over, and people looked. Some guys were creepy and that was bad. Some weren't and that was better. Thomas was an okay person, and kind of cute, and if he looked now and then he wasn't usually that obvious, so Melissa didn't really care.
He was looking now.
She watched him through her hair, and tried not to be obvious that she was.
He was looking, but might not have completely realized himself. It seemed like it was from habit, because her legs were there. She was fairly sure he didn't know she'd seen him, so she stayed as she was for a moment, trying to work out how it made her feel.
It made her feel good. If she liked the person looking at her, she liked being noticed. She liked the attention.
Now she was doing it, on purpose, it turned out the idea of being looked at was hot.
She started fiddling with her shoes more often, if Thomas was at his desk. She started kneeling the wrong way to get into low filing cabinets, or bending over to hand him something with one too many buttons of her shirt undone. She spent a week flashing Thomas, then decided it was stupid, that soon people would start noticing. This wasn't something to do at work.
She found other ways to be seen instead. She went out with friends and spent the evening crossing her legs, and noticing how people looked when she did. She went for a walk and pulled off her hoodie in front of a stranger and let her shirt come up with it. She went jeans shopping at lunchtime with undies that were to small and see-through to be sensible, and forgot to close the curtains properly in the changing room. She waited for a guy to ask if anyone needed a different size, and handed him the jeans, and stood there while he looked.
Then she got embarrassed and said never mind and left.
She decided she needed to talk to Scott before this went much further.
"So maybe on the being watched," she said to Scott that night, getting ready for bed.
"Okay," he said. "How do you mean?"
"I tried it. I think I like being looked at. So okay on someone else watching us. Maybe."
He was looking at her.
"What?" she said.
"You tried being looked at?"
"Yeah?" she said, and pulled up her tee-shirt and flashed him. "I tried it. So what?"
"Nothing," he said.
"Good." She went and brushed her teeth. When she came back into the bedroom he said, "You really need to tell me a bit more. About the trying it."
"No I don't."
"Please?"
"I just noticed someone perving at me. And I didn't mind it. That's all."
"That's all?"
"Yep. Want sex?"
He grinned at her.
"So yes?" she said.
"Yep," he said, and kissed her neck. "And the rest? Someone watching us have sex?"
"We'll see," she said. "Don't push. Let me decide."
He kept kissing her and didn't answer.
*
Melissa thought about whether this was a good idea. She wanted to try something new, but that she didn't want to so much she'd risk problems with Scott. Scott said he would be fine, but he'd said that last time, and hadn't been, and she wasn't sure she should trust him again to know his own feelings when he might turn out to be completely wrong.
She thought a lot, and all the thinking didn't help, either. She was agitated. She fidgeted, and she had trouble sitting down to do anything. Like being horny, like impatiently waiting for Scott to come home when she planned to jump him, all the time, except that she wasn't even horny at all, not really. She was just thinking about sex too much, trying to decide.
That weekend, she walked around the house in only her underwear, just to see how it felt. To make sure that if they tried this, she wouldn't get embarrassed and suddenly want to stop, and to try and check whether Scott would care. She stood next to the front windows, with the curtains open, in view of the street. Scott watched her. He seemed curious at first. Then he started smirking, like he knew some secret.
"What?" she said.
"You," he said. "You and how you do things."
"What does that mean?"
"I'm into you, that's all."
"Oh," she said, and decided that was good.
Scott kept watching her, but she decided him looking wasn't the same. She liked him looking, but it wasn't the same as a stranger sneaking a glance at her, because he could just stare whenever he wanted to. It didn't have the same thrill as new eyes. It didn't have the same uncertainty either, of not knowing whether a stranger would see terrible flaws and laugh at her.
