"What the fuck??"
Oh shit. Oh no.
"Lizzie, it's not-" I started as I turned, dick flopping as I raised my hand as if it could defend my from my girlfriend's anger.
"Ryan, what the fuck are you doing? Is this what you're up to whenever you're on your computer?"
I tried to gather my thoughts, but I could feel my face heating up as the situation got even worse. As I had turned suddenly toward the door, my headphones pulled out the the jack and now the sound of the porn video I'd been watching was blasting through the room. GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK came the sound of a dick thrusting deep into the girl's throat. I was suddenly aware of the whole situation through Lizzie's eyes. Here I was, dick wet, hard, and twitching, hand wet, my huge monitor full of this girl's face with whorish makeup and a cock down her throat. The porn actress took a breath and smiled up at the guy, clearly pleased with her work. I paused the video and put my dick away, not meeting my girlfriend's eyes.
"Ryan," she said.
"Liz," I sighed. "This is super embarrassing but, like, you can't be shocked. It's normal to jack off sometimes."
She scrunched her nose a little, looking cute as hell with her face framed by her dark hair. "I mean, okay," she said, "I don't like it, but I know guys masturbate. But this?" she waved at the screen.
I looked back at the frozen video. The girl's lips were wrapped around the tip of a big dick, a smile playing about her eyes. I minimized the window and turned back to her.
"Yeah," I said, "it's normal. We haven't done it in a bit and I have needs. It's not like I'm cheating - I don't think you get to be mad here!"
"You say that, but you're embarrassed as hell, just look at your face! You're blushing because you've been caught in the act and you know I'm right."
"Right about what?" I asked. "Yeah, I'm embarrassed, same as if you barged in on me taking a shit. Some things are private but that doesn't mean they're wrong."
"Ryan Belham, don't you dare try to twist this on me," she said. "Pleasuring yourself to pornography is not the same thing as a bowel movement." She looked away, her anger seemed to fade a little, and she continued "You're supposed to be with me. You're supposed to think about me. You're supposed to look at me, not some..." She looked down and gestured at the screen.
I stood up. "Oh baby," I said, and took her into my arms. "I love you and I think about you all the time - and you're hot as hell."
I wasn't lying. Even holding her made me aware of her breasts pressed against me, her little waist under my hand, her full hip and thigh touching my leg, her beautiful textured hair against my chin. My dick twitched and I cringed internally, hoping she hadn't felt that. But she stifled a little laugh and I could tell she noticed.
"Look," she said, "I was about to head out to yoga anyway. Let's pause for a bit and we can talk about this again later, okay?"
"Okay," I replied and kissed her forehead.
She turned to go and I admired her ass in her skintight yoga pants. She looked back over her shoulder and caught me staring. She pursed her lips and shot me a little look, but I think underneath the annoyed face she was happy I was looking.
"I'll pick up Chinese on my way home. See you later," she said and walked out the door with a little extra sway to her hips and another glance over her shoulder with lidded eyes.
After the door closed, I released a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and thought about what just happened. We'd been living together close to a year and I knew Lizzie well. She'd grown up very religious but had rejected all that pretty firmly years ago. We had an active sex life, but it had cooled a bit lately as her work had gotten more stressful. We still honestly had the time, but she was stressed and not feeling up to it as often. What had once been four or five times a week had become once a week if I was lucky.
This isn't something I was unhappy about, and I certainly wasn't going to say anything -- she didn't owe me sex on demand! But I did have needs, and I thought it was fair for me to take care of myself in front of my computer sometimes. Her reaction confused me a bit. At first she'd seemed very upset, but then after she felt my hardon, she seemed okay, even a bit playful. I guess I would just have to see what she had to say when she got home.
~~~
She came in with General Tso's chicken and crab rangoon, acting totally normal. She had the kind of subtle glow about her I'm used to seeing after a good yoga session. As she briefly leaned over the table arranging the takeout, I admired the way her extremely tight yoga pants cupped her asscheeks and conformed to her well-muscled thighs.
We sat down to eat and she told me how yoga class went and about the annoying guy in front of her at the Chinese place. She was wearing a messy bun and my favorite sports bra of hers -- it was light duty, and showed off her breasts perfectly. With only a thin, white shirt on top of the bra, my girlfriend was a vision, and I could feel my dick swelling as she unselfconsciously spoke, gesturing with her trimmed, white-painted nails.
Eventually she stopped talking, and looked down as she continued to pick at her food. I could tell she was thinking about our run-in earlier, and I was doing the same. The interesting thing is that she no longer seemed angry at all, but something was on her mind and I couldn't tell what.
"Ryan," she said, still not meeting my eyes. "I know I have some baggage about sex stuff, and I don't want that to affect our relationship. I don't... I don't think how I feel about masturbation is fair, or makes sense, but I don't think I can change how I feel, either."
She looked up, gauging my reaction. I said nothing, but tried to look open. I didn't like this at all, but I liked Lizzie, and I had learned to always hear her out.
"Do you... do you think if we did it more, you could go without?" she asked.
"Maybe?" I answered. "I mean, honestly I don't see myself, like, never masturbating again. But if we were fucking more often, I could try cutting porn out completely if that's what bothers you," I said. "I already think about you when I jack off sometimes," I added cheekily.