'Are you going to empty that gutter sometime soon?'
'Yeah-yeah... Saturday, I promise.'
'Hmpf.' It sounds irritated, and for a reason, because Rose is fed up. 'You said that last week too, and surprise, it's still full to the brim,' she grumbles.
'I'll do it on Saturday!' Henry responds angrily. 'Unless there's bad weather. Or good fishing weather.'
Rose lets out a tired sigh, in Henry's book it's always good fishing weather, especially when he doesn't feel like doing something, especially chores. She's about to turn and walk away, but then she suddenly changes her mind. Dammit, it really has to be done before damage occurs due to leakage, because then they are in bigger trouble. She looks at Henry forcefully: 'Sunday then!'
'Okay, okay, Sunday,' Henry admits with a sigh.
Rose is certainly not clumsy and a real go-getter, but she is not a professional roofer, nor an electrician, nor a plumber, or a carpenter. And although she is not really afraid of heights, she does suffer from what she jokingly calls "fear of ladders", a maximum of four steps on a household ladder, that's all she can manage, and even then, on shaky legs. And that means, among other things, that the window frames on the top floor, which are in dire need of a new coat of paint, have still not been painted; though she already took care of the ground floor last year.
And then there is the roof molding that needs to be replaced, she has noticed that it is rotting quite badly, a piece of it is even missing. There are a few loose tiles on the roof of the utility room, and lately she has come across more and more overdue maintenance in and around the house.
But Sunday comes, and to her increasing annoyance it is filled with playing games on the laptop and scouring the internet for rare stamps for his collection. You would think that no one collects stamps anymore these days, but Henry does, albums full of them!
And then suddenly she sees him get up, 'I'm in the shed!' he shouts. I'll be damned, she thinks, would he...
But no, she won't see him again for the rest of the day, until it's dinner time. And dark. Of course, he's been messing around again with those stupid bait flies, artificial flies, or whatever it is he always uses to fish with.
Rose decides not to say anything, it is already too late, the weekend is over, but inside she is seething. And during the week she doesn't have to expect anything from Henry, too busy with "work", which means bookkeeping, from home, for the few clients he has retained after his early retirement.
What puzzles her, while retired people often complain that when they stopped working, they only became busier with all kinds of social activities, Henry never participates in anything, holds no administrative positions, is not a member of anything (except the fishing club), always keeps very quiet when he sees that someone tries to call on them - Rose is therefore always the one screwed when it comes to community duties - so she really wonders how he comes to sleep like a baby at night fall. Preferably in front of the TV. You'd think he must have plenty of energy left!
When the following Saturday Henry again makes no move to empty the needy gutter, Rose has had enough.
'Henry, I'm fed up! If you don't get that ladder out of the shed, I'll pack my things and move to my mother's for a week!' she shouts in an unusually shrill voice.
'I'm not holding you back,' Henry grunts, he is in the process of completing a transaction, he has found a streamer that was recommended to him by one of his fishing buddies, and after intensive research and much deliberation he has come to a decision, he just needs to complete the order. He therefore does not exactly listen to his wife's words with attention.
However, Rose only gets angrier at the lack of response and decides to take it even further. 'You know what,' she calls, 'I'll ask my mother if she wants to help out, she can come and stay with us for a week, WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN!'
Now she has his attention, she notes with satisfaction, the panic is clearly visible on his face.
'I- I-'
'Or,' she says thoughtfully, thinking of something that has been going through her mind frequently lately, 'I'll find a handyman for that gutter, then we can stop the nagging.' She looks at Henry, who is now watching her apprehensively.
'Hm,' grumbles Henry, who actually likes this escape route and is also relieved that the plan to bring the monster-in-law into the fortress for a week seems to have been cleared off the board. But he still wants to save face a bit, and not simply lose out, that would only set precedents for the future. 'But that costs money,' he mutters.
'So what? There is plenty of money, we even have a generous holiday budget that has not been touched for years!'
For years, a fixed amount per month went to their holiday and excursion fund, but at a certain point they stopped: Henry never wanted anything anyway, he doesn't like air travel, or long car rides, group trips, weather that is either too hot, or too cold, or traveling too far, camping is too "wet", hotels are too expensive, you name it, the list of excuses is endless. All he wants in terms of outings is fishing, alone or with his fishing buddies, Rose cannot choose what she finds more boring, fishing alone with Henry, or together with those ignoramuses from the fishing club, with their infantile humor and empty - most bachelor - lives. After one torturous experience, she refuses to go fishing with him ever again, she has better things to do with het time.
'Okay,' Henry reluctantly admits, that's a good argument, otherwise the money would just be there doing nothing. Of course, he could also buy stamps with it... He suddenly catches Rose's searing gaze, he is afraid for a moment that she has been able to read his thoughts, no, no stamps, if she were to find out she would surely beat him to death...
Deploying her mother was of course an empty threat, the woman is eighty and - although still remarkably fit for her age - can no longer go near a ladder, let alone clear a several meters-high gutter. But it was enough to get Henry in the right state of mind, and that's what it was all about in the end, she thinks happily.
***