I really had no reason to snoop. In fact, I wasn't even looking for anything in particular when I pushed the keyboard to the side and a small piece of paper appeared in view.
FB Heather713 and my wife's maiden name were written on the paper.
It was curious but not all that exciting. Of course, it would prove to be very exciting over the next six months. Little did I know, but that little piece of paper would be the key to a whole new world for me.
It was obviously a code or login, but to what? My thoughts turned to porn as it usually did. Did she belong to some porn website? No, I would know if she paid to be a part of any site. I had complete control of the money. I would have seen a transaction. "Heather" that's the easy part. She is my beautiful wife of six years. "713" was the street address of our first house but what does that have to do with anything? My wife was not real computer literate but she did just get an internet capable phone in the last few months and has learned a lot in that time period. I checked the history of the computer and found that it regularly was cleared. The settings were set to clear the history every day. The history showed just a few shopping and news websites and nothing out of the ordinary.
Unable to figure it out, I changed the history setting to let it record the websites that were visited without clearing the history.
Several days went by and nothing showed up on the history that was out of the ordinary. Finally it hit me on Monday night when I was checking the websites that were visited. "FB" Facebook! She had joined Facebook. I was relieved -- nothing too offensive about Facebook.
I immediately logged in as Heather713 and checked what was on the website. Apparently, Heather had invited just five of her girlfriends to be her friend on Facebook. As I read what they had written it sounded a lot like their conversations when they got together. Stacy wanted to change her bathroom from blue to burgundy. Marie had an Aunt with cancer who was not doing too well. Heather complained about never having enough time. Actually it was pretty boring stuff. However, every so often one of the girls would get on the subject of sex and it got a lot more interesting. They talked about a pact they made to share all of the intimate details of their love life so they all could learn how to live happily. The talk was supposed to help them learn what went wrong in relationships and help them avoid the pitfalls of married life.
All of the friends were married in the last six years. Heather and I were together the longest of any of the group. All of the girls had not had children yet and seemed to have a lot in common. As I read, it seemed to me to be a pretty good idea to create a small tight-knit group of young women who had similar interests, hopes and dreams and let them talk out their problems. Apparently, the pact was pretty recently developed and they were all still getting used to the idea of sharing details of their lives with each other. There was plenty of encouragement from each other but not very many examples of juicy stuff that would interest me.
Of course, I am vain so I searched for anything that Heather said about me. There was really not very much about me. I guess I was disappointed that Heather hadn't shared how wonderful I was. Marie had talked briefly about Jim her husband and how he was an expert with his lips and tongue.
"Where's my props? I'm pretty good with my lips and tongue too!"
I continued to secretly read my wife's social networking and did not let on that I knew about the club. I challenged myself to try to get Heather to write something exciting about me in the journal.
I brought home flowers for no reason, I praised her, and I listened to her problems at work, all with the intent to be "Mr. Wonderful". The results were poor. I hardly was mentioned on the site for weeks. Heather was just not real forthcoming with information about her life.
Then it hit me; I was going about this all wrong. I had to do something really out of the ordinary so Heather would be compelled to write about her exciting life. I cooked up this little scheme that really was the key to my sex life and my exciting times to come.
I decided to tell Heather that I had enrolled in a massage school to learn sensual massage techniques that could enhance our sex life and make her feel relaxed and calm. I told her that the class met on Tuesday nights for two hours and that in 8 weeks I would be proficient in three different methods of sensual massage.
She seemed intrigued but did not really see the need to pay a school to teach me. She called it a waste of money and one of my hair brained ideas that I was so famous for.
One of the big problems is that I really did not enroll in a massage school. In fact, I really didn't know anything about sensual massage. I tended to just rub the good parts on my wife until she came. I thought I was pretty good with my hands but didn't know anything official.
On the first Tuesday night I went to the local bookstore and hung out for two hours researching the art of sensual massage. There was a lot to this and I bought two books on the subject so I wouldn't look dumb when my wife asked about what I had learned.
When I arrived home, Heather was involved in her TV shows and had forgotten where I had been all night. That gave me the opportunity to read my books for the next week and reveal to Heather the art of sensual massage on the following Tuesday.
On Tuesday, I went shopping for golf clubs and watched the baseball game at the store for a few hours and got home about 8 pm.
"Where you been Honey?"
"Tonight was my Massage Class."
"Oh, I forgot all about that. What do you do at that class?
"Do you know that there are 17 erogenous zones on a woman's body?"
"All I can see is a bunch of horny nerds rubbing each others shoulders and talking about touching a real woman someday."
"Make your jokes but it is not like that at all. Our instructor is master masseuse who has worked at some of the most exclusive spas in the Southwest. It is very detailed. Tonight he showed diagrams of all the muscles on the back and neck and explained where each nerve ending led in the body."
As I am making this stuff up I am almost starting to believe it myself. I have always been excellent at making up bullshit but I am really getting carried away this time
"Next week we are learning the proper strokes and pressure points to stimulate, invigorate or relax a muscle."
"Wow, you are really taking this seriously, aren't you? Maybe you can quit your day job and go into the business."
"My only goal is to please you..." As soon as I said it I had this fear that Heather was going to start laughing and catch me in my lie but she was buying it..."I plan on being married to you for another fifty years and I want you to be happy."
