[Author's note: Another human story. Tender and sweet. Wayyyy raunchier than my last offering here. Please enjoy!]
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I should probably explain. How on earth could a girl so game for open relationships and platonic sex with multiple partners be insecure about her fiancΓ©'s old crush? I admit, the feeling caught me off guard too. Given my long history of platonic friendship with Max, and my thorough knowledge of his romantic past, I really shouldn't consider it a touchy subject, and mostly I don't. From the first time we hooked up, I loved that he and I could so freely share the company of others and be open about the extramarital connections we'd made. Truly, I think it's the greatest way to love someone. But Daisy was a tough pill to swallow.
I think we both thought our great ice-breaking threeway with Rachel at my old boss's house would make for an easy transition into dating each other. But with all the spontaneity stripped away, and Rachel's guiding hand absent, it was anxious on our own. Max invited me over. I was newly out of a job, and without getting too ahead of myself, I never moved out after that. But that first night, I was a nervous wreck.
We planned to hang out and see how it felt. I showed up dressed unassumingly, jeans and a hoodie. Even my underwear was simple; a Lulu thong and sports bra. I guess this had become a litmus test for me. Rachel taught me not to worry so much about dressing for sex. She loved my white Calvin's, for instance, and I needed to know if Max still wanted to fuck me without the context of tiny bikinis and steamy showers. Afterall, we were setting out to become something serious, something sacred, but at the same time, it seemed realistic that we could continue exploring the physical frontier on which we'd begun.
Max answered the door, also dressed casually. He kissed me on the cheek and I entered into the beautiful aroma of a gourmet dinner in the making. He had never cooked for me, in fact it was a surprise to learn that he could cook so well. He made chicken cutlets and a peach and bread salad with chocolate lava cake for dessert. It was a beautiful meal and knowing Max cooked it only made him all the more attractive to me. Each time he leant to refill my wine I felt myself get wetter.
It was comforting too because there was no way Max was going to all this trouble because he wanted us to go back to just being friends. No, this was foreplay in a sense, and we needed it because the rules at this fragile juncture were so unclear.
After dinner, I suggested we go to the living room. We sat close together on his couch, and locked eyes. We both knew this was the moment for action, and maybe it's even kind of sweet that we each moved on each other in exactly the same way at exactly the same time. But it didn't feel cute when our noses crashed together enough to make us both recoil and grab our faces in pain. It wasn't awful, just awkward, and for the sake of the moment we had to laugh it off. In a second attempt, I pointed my knees closer inward and turned my head. The point was to expose my neck and welcome him to kiss me there. What I didn't think to do was adjust my hair, and when Max went in for what he thought was a lip lock, he got a mouth full of my hair, which was freshly sprayed (okay, so I gussied up a bit).
We laughed again, but it sounded more forced this time.
"We were smoother the other night," I said gently.
"Yeah, I can't explain it," said Max. "This is the real me though. Clumsy is much more my usual vibe."
"Mine too," I said.
"Okay, well there's no pressure."
"Oh! Okay. Yeah. No pressure." I must have sounded gutted because he quickly amended his statement.
"No, no! I mean, I still want to do this. If you do, that is. I just mean we can take it easy."
"I definitely still want to do this." I was sure to sound as serious as possible.
"Great. So maybe we..."
"I could give you a blowjob!"
Max looked stunned. "Sure! But won't that feel..."
"You don't want a blowjob?"
"Of course I want a blowjob. You can absolutely give me a blowjob if you want. But then you're down there and I'm up here. How will that help get us past the awkwardness?"
"Okay, fair point. What do you suggest?"
"I think we do the opposite."
"... Pray?"
"No. The opposite of distant, unilateral pleasure."
Max was so smart. So methodical. Still, I played coy. "What's that?"
"Raw, shameless, unabashed sexiness."
"I think we did that already, and still there's these... growing pains."
"We'll start easy. How about dirty talk?"
"I'm terrible at dirty talk. Are you not?"
"I would have thought so, but Rachel changed everything."
Boy, was that the truth.
"Okay," I said, cautiously. "You start."
"You start," Max argued. "You're the sexiest person alive. Use it. Be shameless."
"Max, don't make me."
"The sooner you talk a little dirty the sooner we can fuck like heroes."
Another effective argument. "But what do I say?"
"Tell me about the best sex of your life."
"That won't make you jealous?"
"I'm pretty sure it'll be hot as fuck. Don't you want to hear about the best sex of my life?"
This made me nervous. I'm not possessive by nature, but I was disinclined to discover there and then that some old tale about wonderful Daisy could make me insecure.