Spy Games
Chapter 9
"Are you absolutely positive you saw classified information in Gunter Feiner's closet?"
The man asking the question was the third Company bureaucrat I had spoken with after I told Mrs. Bancroft about my experience in the Feiner house. The first two interviews took place in Mrs. B's condo. This one was in the basement of the US Embassy.
It was well after 10:00 pm and I was starting to get hangry. I hadn't eaten since lunch and the only person who even pretended to believe my story was Mrs. B. She wasn't present for this discussion which took place in what looked and felt like an interrogation room. Small table, two chairs, no windows. All it needed to meet the movie clichΓ© was a one-way mirror on the wall. I'm fairly sure the not-so-well hidden camera in the corner replaced the mirror.
"Describe to me what you saw."
I did, for the fourth time that day.
"Okay. You found a document hidden in a hole in the closet. What made you think it was classified material."
"The words "TOP SECRET" stenciled in red letters on the cover page were my first clue."
"Don't get smart with me young man. Anybody can buy a stencil set and red marker at the local office supply store."
"And I guess they could also type "STATUS OF NATO FORCES" on top of the next page if they owned a printer," I said.
"Did you read past the cover sheet and first page?" he asked.
"No sir, I didn't have time."
"Did you take a picture of what you found?"
"No sir, my camera was in my pants."
"And where were your pants when you were crawling through Mrs. Feiner's closet?"
"In the kitchen, I think. Maybe the dining room."
If his line of questioning didn't convince me I was in trouble, his look of utter disgust did.
"Young man, the only reason we let you take on this routine cleanup detail is because Mrs. Bancroft said you were ready. Your mission was to remove a few cameras and microphones. If we wanted you to fuck the lady and her daughter, we would have mentioned it. Yes, we know all about your supposed enhanced capabilities with women, but this particular job called for you to be invisible."
"Are you saying it's my fault Mrs. Feiner came home when your agents told me she'd be gone all afternoon? What was I supposed to do, break my cover and run out of the house like a thief?"
"I'm saying you could have maintained your cover and your trousers. You don't need to seduce every woman you meet just because you can."
"If you review the tapes, I think you'll find she seduced me."
"It didn't occur to you that a simple no would have stopped her?"
"If I said no, I wouldn't have found the Top-Secret documents in the closet."
"Great. We're back to accusing Gunter Feiner of being a spy. Some of our best agents have had this man under constant surveillance for over three months and found absolutely no evidence of wrongdoing. Do you really expect me to believe the word of an untrained boy who is more interested in getting his dick wet than protecting the security of his nation?
"Let me explain how this is going to end," he continued. "Your days of playing secret agent are over. Your current mission is cancelled. We will find somebody else to remove the surveillance equipment from Herr Feiner's office... somebody with sufficient common sense to keep his pecker in his pants when on the job. The only reason I'm not going to turn you over to the local authorities for breaking and entering --"
His tirade was interrupted by the ringing of a phone on the wall.
"I'm busy, can't this wait?" he said into the phone.
"Yes, ma'am. I understand your point of view but..."
"No, ma'am. That's not what I was implying. I just believe..."
"Yes, ma'am. I'll make it happen."
He slammed the phone back into its cradle and took a minute to compose himself before returning his attention to me.
"Gunter Feiner's office is on the fifth floor of the Kingsford building. The entire building will lose power at precisely 8:30 this Sunday morning for exactly thirty minutes. Losing power will temporarily disable the security systems. Make sure you are on the fifth floor before 8:30. The stairway doors will automatically lock with the power off and the elevator will be non-functional. There are two microphones and one camera in Feiner's office. You will have thirty minutes to remove them."
"I'm back on the job?" I asked.
"Against my better judgement."
"But why remove the bugs? If we know Feiner has classified information hidden in his house, don't you want to keep monitoring him?"
"We are convinced Feiner is clean. You are the only one who believes otherwise. And, due to your complete lack of stealth when removing the first two sets of bugs, we deem it best to immediately get rid of the last set before the German government discovers we have been spying on one of their own."
***