Despite my long absence, I have not forgotten these two, or any of you who enjoyed their tale of forbidden love. Here, at last, is chapter four.
Molti baci.
***
Gabriel paced like a caged tiger around the rustic kitchen as she spoke, shaking his head in denial repeatedly. His countenance was furious.
Laura seemed very small and fragile as she sat in the hard wooden chair beside the table. Her hands were clutched together in her lap, her eyes were red-rimmed and shining as she regarded him.
"Please -- just hear me out." She pleaded softly. Her stillness and the gentle way she was talking was a stark contrast to the raging emotions she felt inside.
They'd been talking most of the day and into the night, going around and around about the visit from his mentor.
"No. Stop this. I won't leave you. They cannot make me." His voice was raw and he dragged a slightly trembling hand through his tawny hair.
"I'm not telling you to--" she began, but he unintentionally cut her off, as if he had not heard her.
"I have a choice; don't you see? It is one of our greatest gifts: free will. I exercise that will to follow my heart. How can that be wrong?"
"It's not about wrong. I don't care about right and wrong. Those things are just abstractions -- they don't mean anything. What I care about is you -- who you are. I want you to be true to yourself. Don't allow me to alter who you are. I could never live with that." It actually physically hurt her to say these words. She unconsciously rubbed her throat with one tired hand.
He moved closer to her and leaned in: "Listen, my love. Please. I'm telling you that I'm being true to who I am right now. I'm finally really present, right here, right now." He pointed down at the floor where he stood for emphasis.
"It's like I'm finally awake. My old life, my old plans -- they were for a man with a different destiny." He paused, looking at the floor as he wrestled with his next thought. Laura waited patiently for him to land on what he was trying to say. In her head, she just kept thinking 'how much I adore this man -- how I wish I could take this agony from him.'
"I studied immunology at University because I wanted to make a difference. None of that changes by removing the collar."
Laura's head popped up at this new information. "You studied medicine?" She asked, her eyebrows raised softly.
Gabriel smiled at her, realizing that they hadn't really told each other much about themselves. Shaking his head slightly, he said: "Bioscience, my love. Well -- as an undergraduate it was Bioscience and Divinity -- a double concentration. My intention was to focus on infectious diseases. During my work toward an MSc at Oxford, I did field work as part of my research. That is what sent me to Central America.
"But I loved being in Guatemala, treating those villagers, because it was real. It wasn't theoretical. It wasn't philosophical. It was secular. I didn't love being there because I thought it pleased God. It was the most human thing I'd ever done. I realize now that I want to be part of this world -- and I'm happy to let the next take care of itself. I don't want to hide anymore."
She was deceptively calm when she replied: "I agree - don't hide. Not from the world, not from them, not from me, and especially not from yourself." He began pacing again, running his hands through his already disheveled hair. She feared his reaction, but felt bound to venture one last point.
"All I'm saying is that you should consider returning to Guatemala, Gabriel. You made this promise long before you met me. It's not about the Church. It's about the work you do -- it's about the childrenβ"
Wheeling around, he cut her off: "Why are you doing this?!"
Laura had trouble swallowing, her throat felt ragged, like it was on fire. She forced herself to not look away from his beautiful, haunted eyes, even though it felt like a stabbing pain in her breast.
"Because I don't want you to regret me. To regret us. Ever. And I worry that if you walk away from everything that used to be important to you, a day will come when you will."
Gabriel stopped moving and closed his eyes. His jaw clenched and he fisted his hands at his sides. "Or do you mean you fear that you will?" He asked quietly.
This pulled Laura from her chair with a muffled sob. She threw herself at him, standing on tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pressed her lips to his. Gabriel exhaled noisily and caught her against him, fairly crushing her in his embrace as he kissed her back with desperation.
"Nothing. NOTHING could ever make me regret you. I love you." She spoke these words against his neck, curled against him, her body shaking.
"So that's done then, yeah? We love each other and are meant to be together. I don't need to test my feelings for you. I already know, my sweet girl. Finally, I know what I want -- what I'm supposed to be."
Laura looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears. He brushed her hair away from her face before continuing: "I'm supposed to be the man by your side."