Submission 139

Submission

I used to think that I was only submissive in the bedroom, and that the goal of my submission was in essence my own pleasure. I spent years 'topping from the bottom' and trying to convince or entice my wife into the sexual situations that I found intriguing at the time. Sometimes I was successful, and sometimes not, but always there was a lingering sense that I was missing the point of the exercise, and that I would ultimately be happier if I simply allowed myself to truly submit to my wife's likes, dislikes, desires, hopes, and dreams in all aspects of our lives together. It took years for me to allow myself to make that sentiment real, but ultimately we are all better for it.

Let me set the stage:

I am submissive, clearly and completely, and there is no denying that fact of my existence. I love my wife wholly and completely, have never cheated on her, and never would, but I have absolutely kept things from her and lied about them for years.

My wife, Gwyneth, is also mostly sexually submissive, but very in control in her daily life. She has a high-powered job and good income, but she is generally more collaborative in her work than domineering. She is a consensus builder and enjoys making things happen by including others in the decision making and finding ways to succeed through discussion and sharing of ideas.

I really just want to be told what to do. Unfortunately my libido is much stronger than hers, and this has led to some of the biggest conflicts in our marriage. I also have a kinkier mind, and more willingness to share and act on my kink than she does. For example:

I wear lingerie under my male clothes when I am able, from simple panties under my male boxers in the summer when I'm wearing shorts, to full stockings, garters, panties and bras under my male clothes in the winter when there is more to hide the signs. I've experimented in full crossdressing, and cleaned the house in heels and dresses wearing lipstick and light makeup.

Gwyn found out about my lingerie wearing years ago when I was a little slack in my cleaning and tidying after doing some of my private laundry. She was concerned initially when she found lingerie drying on the ironing board, but I was honest quickly about the fact that it was mine and that I had been wearing, purchasing, and fantasizing about lingerie since I was a teen. My dream from that moment on was that she would occasionally take it on herself to buy lingerie for me as presents, and to push, guide, force me to wear lingerie for her pleasure. I even took my fantasy as far as her making me her maid, and sexually using me for her pleasure whenever she liked.

The reality was that on occasion I would dress for her, and she would respond with excitement and it would generally lead to great sex, but she was not willing or able to make that happen herself, or even really tell me that she would like me to do it more often.

I enjoyed buying lingerie for her, and she enjoyed wearing it, but it was occasional wear, not daily wear, and she would rarely buy anything sexy for herself. She doesn't see herself as a really sexual person, and cannot see the physical beauty that I see in her, where I am still excited after 25 years together at the sight of her lying in bed on her side with no covers on. I want her sexually all the time, but our reality is a much more limited sex life and it is a reality that I have come to accept, even if it has been a long time coming.

I have purchased a variety of sex toys over the years, from a buttplug (with the hopes of exciting her enough to let me fuck her ass) to high end vibrators, and nipple clamps, and some rope and a mask as an opening to some bondage in the bedroom. Gwyn has always enjoyed when we use toys, but rarely initiates their use, and many of them were only used once or twice. Some of the toys received a lot more use, but only by me when I was alone. As I sit here writing about submission, I am dressed in heels and lingerie, wearing the stainless steel plug I bought for Gwyn and the nipple clamps. The plug in particular has been a favourite of mine for years, and I've learned that with good silicone-based lube I can keep it in most of the day without discomfort. I have worn it at least a couple of times each week for the past several years. I have even worn it out on a couple of dates along with lingerie, and she is always excited by my initiative, but still unwilling to lead the way into further discovery of my kinks and fantasies.

I want for Gwyn to tie me down, gag me, spank me, and fuck me in the ass. She knows this fantasy, and she knows that it is both exciting and a little scary for me to share my deepest fantasies with her, but this goes a little beyond anything she is able to make happen. I know that she enjoys the 'idea' of fucking me, as when she is hot and bothered, she really likes to pin me to the bed face down and ride my ass to her own orgasm, grinding her pussy into me and rubbing her clit on my ass as she makes herself cum. Unfortunately, the final stage of dominating me where she straps on a silicone cock and penetrates me is still too hard for her, so I wait in my submissive way, hoping that one day the opportunity and desire will present themselves and I'll find myself penetrated with her weight pushing into me as I squirm underneath her, bound for her pleasure.

It should be clear at this point what the nature of our relationship is. Deep love, deep desire, and deep respect are at the core of our marriage. In my case there is also a constant longing for the next sexual boundary to be crossed. I have confessed to her my desire to be tied, spanked, gagged, and flogged. She knows that if she merely signalled to me to fall on my knees and lick her pussy, I would be there in a moment, face deep in her, tasting her, cleaning her pussy and asshole with my willing tongue. I am hers to command, but my realization over the past several years has been that I am also hers to obey in much of our non-sexual life as well.

We have always had a great give and take when it comes to decisions in our lives, from the big things like houses and cars, to the small things like where to eat dinner. What I have realized recently though is something about the nature of my submission. While we are equal partners in so many ways, and I have never hesitated to share my feelings or opinions about the overall direction of our lives, there is a point at which I just go along with all of her suggestions, whims, and interests. When we bought a car recently, we had a lot of discussion about what type of car to buy, electric vs gas, car vs SUV, etc., and we made the big financial decisions and needs assessment together, but when the time came to look at the accessories, colour, trim of the car, I went along immediately with any suggestion Gwyn made.

Our decision making has always been similar to that. It is how we chose our house, our living situation, our work situation, and how we deal with family and conflict. We have lots of discussion to find consensus on what our best options are, and from that point Gwyn's chosen details are always the direction we go. I would rather lie on my back with her weight forcing my tongue deep into her, creating pleasure for her in any way that I can, than argue with her about the colour of a car, or where we put plants in our garden, or who we should visit for Christmas. When I look back at 25 years together it sometimes astounds me how much of our lives together has been made simpler by my submissive nature, and how the rare real conflict that we have had has usually revolved around our sex life.

One odd exception to that description of our lives together has been what and where to eat. When Gwyn is hungry, she is almost incapable of making simple decisions like picking a restaurant. She is always capable of turning her mind to big life or death decisions, but 'pizza or Thai' can be an impossible dilemma, and I have often been the quick decider of food options. I think it's funny that this is one place where my submission comes in the form of quick, decisive implementation of a food plan, because otherwise we'd starve to death while Gwyn muddled through the decision process getting hungrier and hungrier.

Submission as a lifestyle, in a female led relationship, is about way more than sex. While I long to be bound, disciplined, dressed, and fucked by my loving wife, I always am aware that it might happen and it might not. I also know that I continue to be surprised by my willingness to succumb to her desires and to ignore my desire when she is not in the mood or ready to push boundaries. I am hers, in all ways, and forever.

PS - before I published this story, which is really more of a love letter to Gwyn and to our relationship, I showed it to her for editing. I also thought it was a wonderful encapsulation of the genuine love I feel for her. She told me to not publish for a few days until she had a little time to think about it.

Two days later, she planned a date with me and I think it's a great add on to this story.

Gwyn picked me up from work, and took me home. The house was empty and she told me that the kids were at their grandparents for the night, so the house was ours alone for the evening. She asked me to open a bottle of wine and pour for both of us, and then to bring her wine to the bedroom. When I got there, I could see that she had been shopping for a few things and that she had been considering the nature of our relationship and coming to some understanding about my sexual needs, and about my submission.

She spoke, and she had obviously prepared what she was going to say. "It's hard for me to actively take control in our sex life, as I don't get really excited until I am really excited - if that makes any sense. I read your story, and I can see the genuine truth of it, and today I am going to try to do something for you that is hard for me, and I'm going to take a more active dominant role in our experience and what happens this evening.

Tonight you are my lover, my slave, my chef, my girlfriend, and my partner. I will make all of the decisions, and I have a plan as to how tonight will go, but your input is important and I will never push too hard, but I am going to push you. I've been working on this for two days, and I am exceptionally horny, and I want nothing more at the moment than to sit on your mouth and cum all over you, and I likely will as the evening goes on, but for the moment, I want to draw things out a little.

Strip off all your clothes and stand naked in front of me."

I took off my clothes, and was a little hesitant as always to take things down to the point where Gwyn could see the underthings that I had been wearing all day. I had a black garter belt and stockings, as well as a black thong on under my male clothes, and she commented on how cute they were, but that the black gave the impression of being in control of things and that would not be the case tonight.

I removed my underwear and stockings, and stood before Gwyn completely naked, and she indicated that I should bend over the bed with my ass in the air.

"I've never wanted to hurt you, emotionally or physically", she told me, "but I think I understand a little about what you want and why you want it. I am going to spank you, and redden your ass, and even hit you with the paddle I bought, but you need to tell me to stop if it is too much."

My cock sprang up and the mention of spanking.

"This is the beginning, not the end, of our evening together, so please don't get carried away."

I felt the first tentative slap on my ass, and I moaned into the bed. It stung, and excited me, and I hoped there was a lot more to come. It took a while for Gwyn to get the feel of spanking me, but eventually I could feel the heat on my ass cheeks and I knew that they were turning red. Gwyn rubbed up and down my ass crack and I could feel some lube drip onto me just before I felt her finger slide into my lubricated hole. She worked the lube in with first one finger and then another, and then she added more lube and I felt something pressing into me. It took some work for her to work the toy into me, but when I felt it pop into place past my sphincter, I could tell that it was not the plug I'd been wearing for years. This was heavier, and bigger, and I appreciated the stretch as I got used to it inside me.

"I know you like the butt plug that you bought us years ago, but this is its slightly larger older brother. You'll keep this plug in through our evening together, and I will tell you when you can you can remove it. I even give you permission and encourage you to wear it when you are on your own, and I promise to never be offended or bothered if I find you wearing it.

Now stand up. I have some new clothes for you to put on for the evening."

She went to my side of the bed and lifted up two hangers. The first held a pink, satin and lace, lingerie set that looked to be in my size. There was a bustier with garters, and a cheeky panty, along with pink stockings. The second hanger held a satin dress that I knew would stretch around me like a glove. Gwyn retrieved a pair of heels and a pink lipstick to match the dress, and then left the room with orders to come to the kitchen when I was dressed.

I took my time dressing. I was enjoying the sight and feel of the dress and heels along with the feel of the plug and panties. The panties had lace around the outside and showed off my ass really well, but the lipstick made the outfit for me and I was excited to head to the kitchen. I also realized that I had a glass of wine on board and no food, so I was starting to feel the alcohol. When I got to the kitchen, there were steaks on the counter and a pot on the stove boiling.

"Nice look", said my wife. "You are in charge of the grill. Everything will be ready with the steaks are up."

Gwyn walked over to me and grabbed my ass, pulling me in for a kiss, and pushing on the base of the plug which made me sway my ass a little and moan into her mouth. She gave me one last hard swat which made me jump a little, and sent me on my way to get the steaks on the grill. I was completely in her control and I was anticipating what might happen as she was leaning into the dominant side of her personality.

Once the steaks were set and cooking, I came inside and was pulled down to the kitchen floor by Gwyn. She lay me on my back and promptly situated herself above me with her skirt covering my eyes and my mouth directly on her wet pussy. I settled in to my task as she directed herself above me and ground herself on my waiting tongue. As I pushed my tongue into her, she shifted gears a little and ground her clit into my nose, pushing herself closer and closer to climax. I did my job well and she pushed herself over the edge in just a few minutes, and then stood and told me to check the steaks.

I could taste Gwyn on my lips through dinner, and my excitement didn't wane at all. I shifted my weight occasionally to feel the stretch of the plug in my asshole. Our conversation through dinner leaned into the idea of my submission, and how much Gwyn was excited by the knowledge of how submissive I really am, and also how she was still nervous about pushing me too far. I spent dinner describing some of my fantasies in detail and with the two of us discussing how realistic some of those fantasies were to live out.

As the night moved forward, I was ecstatic to be tied to our bed in my lingerie, face down and ass up. She spanked me again with her hand and paddled me up and down my ass and thighs until I must have been a bright apple red. The sting of the paddle only made me harder and I ground myself into the bed trying to get some relief from my overwhelming excitement, but could not make myself cum like that. When Gwyn was finished spanking and tormenting me with the paddle, she turned me over so that she could ride my face to her second orgasm of the night. She kept me tied through most of the evening, slowly increasing my arousal until I was nothing but a drooling mess. She kissed me and teased my cock through the panties, and attached clamps to my nipples to keep me in a little agony to go along with the anticipation.

When it was time to take a break, and get water, and rest, Gwyn helped me back into my dress and reapplied my lipstick. I had not been able to cum yet, but we moved to the living room and turned on the TV while we had water and a snack. She sat in her robe, and I sat beside her curled up into her chest, occasionally licking her nipples or kissing her breasts

When she took my hand and guided it down into her sopping wet cunt, I was instructed to use my fingers to make her cum again. I was surprised as we had never in all of our years had sex to the point where she had three orgasms in an evening, but her arousal was evident and I did my best with my fingers to get her off again. Eventually she stopped me as the fingers weren't quite doing the job, and she reached down the side of the couch and pulled out our favourite vibrator and roughly shoved it inside her, using the attached clit vibrator to pulse on her swollen clit. As it pulsed and vibrated, she swore and pushed me away and finished the job herself, moaning in ecstasy as she pushed to her third orgasm of the night. When she was finished, she stood and ordered me to sleep in the spare room without her. She kissed me good night and went off towards our bedroom.

"I know the submissive in you is excited at me taking control this evening," she said. "It will not always be this way, and as fun as this has been, you know it is not my natural way of being. I like it, but as I said before, I just don't usually think this way. I'll see you in the morning, and we can talk about this evening and our sex lives another time. In the mean time, just please know how much I love you and admire you, and would do anything to make our lives together even more fulfilling. I'll see you in the morning, and you may go to bed after you clean up the kitchen and turn on the dishwasher.

One side note: You may not masturbate or climax tonight for any reason. I want you hot and bothered in the morning, in case I decide I need another orgasm before the kids come home and life returns to normal. You may take out your plug, and clean it up, and remove your lingerie before you go to bed. I bought you a nightie that you may sleep in and it's hanging on the end of the bed in the spare room.

I love you, my submissive pet, my partner, love of my life. Sleep well!"

And that was where she left me, drowning in desire and ordered to do nothing about it. As I said in the beginning - one of the best things about understanding the nature of my submission a little better, is the ability to just do as I'm told and live in the uncertainty and the demands of Gwyneth's whims, ideas, and love.

So I did what I was told. I stood up and tidied up my outfit. I cleaned the kitchen, turned on the dishwasher, put on my brand-new nightie (white satin with pink and purple polka dots if you must know), and went to bed dreaming of this moment of domination and submission, and wondering what life might bring, and how fantasy might become reality in more of my life. I knew that I could hope for things for the future. I could wish for the strapon, a threesome with another woman, to be tied and bound and gagged, to be punished for some random behaviour that had crossed a line for Gwyn, but I knew that I would follow her lead, always and forever.

Good night.