She hated this. Well, maybe hate was the wrong word. She resented this. It had been two years since the divorce and all her friends kept telling her it was time. She had made a resolution on her fortieth birthday to be more open to new things, more spontaneous, but this was not what she had meant. Why was everyone in such a rush? She sat looking into her cooling cup of tea. The guy sitting across from her was certainly in a rush. His name was Craig. He was an accountant. He had spent the whole evening talking about himself and staring at her chest with very obvious hunger in his eyes. She looked up and immediately saw his eyes slowly shift upwards to meet hers. She realized she had completely tuned him out for a moment. He had obviously asked her something: he was looking at her expectantly. She had lost track of the number of times in the last few months men had looked at her expecting something.
"I'm so sorry, I'm a bit tired after work, what were you saying?"
He looked a little put off. Did he even know how hard her day had been? He certainly never bothered to ask her about it. Was that too much to ask for? For someone to actually try to connect with her on a level that didn't involve her body? Apparently it was. And how about a man with a nice, deep, calming voice? His was fast and a little too whinny for her taste.
"I was asking if you wanted to maybe get out of here and go back to my place."
It took every ounce of her waning strength to not to groan out loud. Was this guy serious?
"No, I'm sorry, I had a really hard day at work. I'm probably just going to head home, sorry."
Surely no one could blame her. One of the patients at the clinic where she worked had died today. She was very good at leaving things like that at the door. He was, had been 37. She tried very hard to make sure she wouldn't bring these things home to her kids. He had two kids of his own, a little boy of 5 and a girl, 3. She tried very hard and usually succeeded in keeping her professional and private lives separate, but it still took it's toll, sometimes it just left her tired. Surely no one could blame her.
He sighed, exasperated.
"I'm so fucking tired of you god damn cock teases and your bullshit."
He left her sitting there. She was grateful. At least he hadn't yelled and made a scene, or gotten drunk, or tried to touch her. As far as bad dates went, this one was nowhere near that bad really. She let that thought sink in for a moment. Maybe she was just bad at this whole dating thing. Maybe what she wanted didn't exist anymore. She finished her tea, put on her coat and walked out into the cool night air.
She got into her car, put the key in the ignition, and started it. The radio clicked on, the country station she always listened to was half way through Johnny Cash singing Folsom Prison Blues. She smiled. She took the phone out of her purse to send a quick text to her son to let him know she was on her way home. He wasn't with her this week but he still liked to know she was safe. She turned on her phone and her dating app let her know she had another match. She sighed. She sent the text without opening the app. She would check on it tomorrow, she wasn't in any hurry. She pressed "go home" on her GPS, waited a little longer to be sure that Craig's car was long gone before pulling out of the parking lot and taking the long drive home.
The traffic in the city was still pretty bad with all the summer construction. She missed long, empty, country roads. She pulled into the driveway of her new house half an hour later. Well, it wasn't new, she had lived in it for almost two years now but she had shared a house with her ex for almost 20 years. They had raised three kids in that house. It had sold last year and that had hurt more than she had expected. She went into the empty house. She texted her son to let him know she had gotten home safe. She knew she wouldn't have much more time with him, her last baby. Why was everyone in such a rush when all she wanted to do was slow everything down. Her phone beeped and she opened the message assuming it was her son replying, it was not, it was from Craig.
Listen, I'm willing to give you another chance if you cut out the bullshit, okay
She sighed. She knew enough to just block and delete his messages on her phone and then in the app as well. She had gotten vicious tirades when she had tried a polite "no, thank you" with men like him in the past and not answering at all had gotten her the same result. She logged into the app to block him there and there was her new match staring back at her. He was cute but she was not in the mood. She needed her bed and that's where she went.
The next morning at work the match was, of course, still there, waiting for her. Now that she was more rested and had put the unpleasant date behind her, her curiosity was outweighing her reluctance; he had been pretty cute. She sighed, opened the app and had a second look. He looked good in his pictures: one of him on horseback, one of him running, the obligatory selfie. She read the profile. He seemed to be a bit of an eclectic jumble of different interests. She would take a chance, after all, she had decided to be more spontaneous after turning 40. She thought about what she would say for a moment then decided she would just do what she always did, say exactly what she thought.
Hi Chris, you seem a bit eclectic... I like it
She put her cell phone down and started to do her reminder calls for the appointments that were coming close. She got to his name. She had been doing this job for over five years, they had a lot more wins than losses, but she felt every loss. She sent an email to cancel his chemo treatment. Her phone beeped. It was a reply from Chris. She wiped her eyes so she could see the screen better and silently thanked whoever invented water proof mascara.
Hi Amanda, you seem pretty awesome, but full disclosure, I know you prefer men over 5'10", I'm just 5'10", I'll understand if that's a deal breaker, I just don't want to waste your time :)
He had actually read her profile. That was novel. She was also quite certain no one had ever said that they would be understanding if she turned them down. Her curiosity about this man was growing.
Don't worry, it's not a deal breaker, I'm just tall and enjoy my heels. Good morning.
She sent it with a twinge of regret and waited for it. They usually made a comment about loving long legs whenever she mentioned her height and her love of heels. She got another beep from her phone. She took a deep breath and opened the message.
