Tempus Fujit

I stood on your doorstep shivering from the incessant rain. I was soaked through. It was unusually cold for this time of year, which made me feel all the more sheepish for not dressing accordingly. I reached out a trembling finger and rang your doorbell. It was too early on a Sunday morning for me to be here. I knew it, and I expected you to open the door and be truly pissed at me.

I waited and saw the stairwell light turn on through the opaque entrance window. A moment later you peered through the peephole and opened the door, a look of confusion, and then concern washed across your face.

"Whats wrong?" you whispered as we stood in the doorway. My expression was deeply pained. "I'm dying" was all I could manage to say. You could see that I wasn't just being melodramatic, I really believed my words.

"What do you mean, you're dying?"

"I found out last night, my doctor called me and said I have an inoperable brain tumor, he says I have less than a year even with treatment."

We were still standing at the door, I was still shivering, and as you absorbed my words you suddenly covered your face with your tiny hands like you had been physically struck. You took my hand and led me inside your home.

"Wait here a sec, I'll be right back" you left me standing in the living room while you went to the bathroom to get a towel for my head.

You were back in mere moments with a hand towel, which you began to dab the water off of my head and face.

"I didn't know where else to go, I couldn't tell them yet. I can't tell the kids yet. The only person I wanted to be with was you." I whispered in a ragged shaky voice.

You were already beginning to cry. I held my arms open and we embraced for a long time. You didn't seem to care that I was soaking your robe with my own damp body. You could feel the tremors shaking me, but it was hard to differentiate between the cold and my pent up agony.

You finally broke the embrace and looked into my eyes "you're freezing! Come on" you recapture my hand and lead me upstairs. We enter your bathroom, and I can tell this is the same room where you take most of your pictures for me.

"You have a beautiful home" I say through still chattering teeth. You don't respond though, you are fumbling with the shower controls searching for the perfect temperature of water. Moments later your standing back in front of me and you begin pulling the sopping wet shirt over my head. I raise my arms to assist. You throw it into the clothes hamper that sits next to the door. Your expression is so beautiful I notice. It's calm and peaceful now, like this is something you were expecting to be doing this morning.

I smile weakly, as you glance at my now bluish nipples and do a double take. "what?! I'm cold!" I offer as an explanation. I've been wanting you to undress me for the longest time, but this wasn't a sexual thing, this was you taking care of me. Not as a lover, but more like a mother. I appreciated that as you relieved me of my pants and we both looked at my shrunken appendage. It was blatantly clear that I was not aroused in the slightest. In fact, the term "shrinkage" was especially pertinent in this case.

You pulled the shower curtain open and I stepped in. "take your time, get warm, I'll make us something to eat." and you left me to shower. The water and the pressure was perfect, even the soap you used was somehow soothing. Maybe it was because it belonged to you and I associated you with the best moments of my life.

It took a long time for the water to warm me to my core. It took a few minutes longer than that for my shrinkage to abate, and when I got out of the shower, I was greeted by the smell of coffee. I grabbed a towel and began drying my body, I glanced up and noticed myself in the mirror. Im actually dying, I thought to myself how can this be right? Im still young, I was supposed to have another 40 years at least..Shit.

I stared into my reflection for another few seconds, and then wrapped the towel around myself and slipped from the bathroom and into your dimly lit bedroom, where I found you sitting Indian style in the middle of the bed with a tray of coffee, grilled cheese slices, and buttered toast.

Come here you whispered in the most beautiful voice Id ever heard. I smiled and happily complied. We sat on the bed and drank coffee and talked about my condition, and what I had to expect over the coming months. Which from what the doctor told me, would probably be quite sudden and almost assuredly painless. The only downside is that I will likely see an increase in headaches, and once the doctor decides it I wouldn't be allowed to drive anymore in case something ruptured in my head while I was on the road.

"Are you afraid?" you asked me as you put your hand on my thigh.

"No, Im not afraid for myself. Im afraid for the kids mostly. I haven't taught them enough, and their not old enough to absorb everything I want them to know yet. So yea, in a sense I am scared. But mostly I just feel cheated."

We both sat there for a minute in silence. How do you feel now? your eyes searching mine, waiting for a reply. I feel wonderful physically, I really do. Im just a mental wreck is all. I had my hand on yours now, and was playing with your fingers in mine. Im just so thankful you were home, Id been walking all night, and when it started to rain you were all I could think about.

"So what did your wife say when you told her?" With this question the mood changed palpably.

"She broke down, and started screaming. She kept saying what am I going to do?! over and over. After an hour of her pacing the house, I tried to calm her down just so I could try to absorb the situation myself. But she wouldn't stop, shes usually pretty good about these kinds of things, but I guess this was more than she could take. I found some muscle relaxers and gave her some. By the time I left she was out cold on the bed shell be out for awhile yet I think. Luckily the kids were over their grandmothers house this weekend."

You push me back onto your bed. "Lay down my love, I want you to rest. You need some sleep."

I protested telling you that I didn't want to sleep, but you ignored me by taking the moist towel off of me, and covering me with your sheet and blanket. "Don't worry, Ill be right next to you its 5:30 in the morning I need the sleep and so do you."

I had no strength to argue, you were right - I was exhausted. You stood up to remove the tray from the bed, and as you turned off the bedside light, you pulled the tie of your robe, allowing it to fall from your shoulders in the most erotic way Ive ever seen a woman do it. Your nymph-like body remains exactly as I remember it from all those years ago. Unchanged by time and childbearing simply perfect.

You silently crawl under the covers and snuggle against me, one arm draped lazily over my chest. I could feel the softness of your breasts pressing into my side, and the heat from her emanating onto my thigh. I embraced you and despite the innate stirring I immediately felt from this moment, I allowed myself to fall asleep.

I slept without dreaming. There was no need to I guess. Dreams are representations of what you wanted most in life, and at this moment my dreams couldn't compete with my reality. When I woke up again, the Sun was out and was streaming a pristine beam of light through your bedroom window. I feel you still sleeping next to me. I listen to your smooth measured breathing, and take comfort in having you next to me. I pull you closer to me, and as I do you stir. You hum with a low smiling sound and realize that you're not dreaming either. As if to confirm your consciousness, I feel your hand caressing my chest, my stomach, and farther down until you find your target and encircle him with your hand. Your touch is like nimble silk to me as you squeeze and stroke me with a familiarity that is seemingly instinctual.

In no time at all, I harden and feel your fingertips begin to trace my length and texture like anatomical Braille. I turn to kiss you, and our lips meet with a tenderness that seems ethereal. You won't allow me to turn over, and instead you prop yourself up on your free elbow and continue to examine and caress my exposed body. As I kiss your perfect lips, a morbid thought flashes through my mind, and I realize that every moment that Im allowed to have from this day forth needs to be cherished and paid attention to.

With the realization that my days are tangibly finite, I pull you close to me and kiss you with a passion that I've been keeping pent up within myself for what seems like years. With my free hand on your face I caress your slender cheek, I moan into your mouth as our tongues dance with one another. I feel your moisture on my thigh, and I pull you on top of me. We are poised to make love, and my manhood is pinned to my stomach beneath your perfect cleft, but I pause breaking our kiss so that I can see into your eyes.

"Im not going to die with any regrets, Im not going to waste the life I have left without you in it. Ill be here everyday if you allow me to be."

You look at me and smile broadly, sliding up my body and slowly sliding my hardness into you.

"I want you HERE everyday" and your eyes motion down to where we are now connected. "I want to live what life I can with you as well, I've told you this before. Once I have you this way you're never going to be rid of me again, I'm yours and your mine."

We stay fused and motionless for what feels like minutes taking in every sensation and emotion that this moment imbues before you begin to move against me.

We make love, and I feel as though I've never made love before today not inexpertly, but like I'd followed the rules too strenuously and was distracted by them for all these years. This time though, I allowed myself to forget them, and let you lead me.

Its funny but the only person whom I can honestly say has made love to me instead of me to them is you. Its a balance of equals, I give, you take, and for no one else but you, I accept when you give back to me.

I am yours, I know this. I luxuriate within you, and I am never sated by your love. I always want more. And not having it is like standing in the icy rain ringing your doorbell and you never answering.

We make love like were children, energized, and buoyant with delight. When we finally take a moment to rest I touch your skin, which is now cool with evaporated sweat from our passionate play. I caress every inch of you I can reach without passing out from exhaustion.

Our faces are inches from one another, and I can smell your sweet breath. I smell my own scent, and I know you can smell yourself as well. We share everything at this moment, right down to the molecules.

"I have more news" I whisper, and your eyes which were looking far away, now focus on mine. "I've told you of my life at home. I've explained my obligations and my great plan for her. But what I haven't told you is that the Indian thing came though just before I found out about this I motioned to my head in frustration They found that because my grandfather was 100% Indian, and no one has claimed anything from his estate, Im one of only a few in my family with a high enough percentage of true Indian blood to be eligible to collect anything. I still have to split it with my uncle and cousins, but Im looking at a couple of million bucks. Your eyes widened a bit at my words. Now she doesn't know about that part, but it does help my situation considerably.

How would you like to take the next year off and never have to pay another house note again?"

"I think I could deal with that" you say with an artificially beleaguered smile, as you begin once again to kiss my neck.

"Good, cause Im gonna make this last year of mine the best one I've ever had."

The end.