In the end I did two rather bad things following sleeping with Nick's brother Ryan. The first was I didn't say a word to my boyfriend, keeping it to myself in the hope I could salvage the relationship while dealing with my guilt. The second was based partly around the first, and that was that I accepted the offer from the other university in the city we would be moving to, rather than go to the same halls as my boyfriend. He was disappointed but understood, and at least we wouldn't be so far apart. Not really.
There was a third thing too, which was sleeping with Ryan again.
I'd not meant to, not really. Yes, I knew that Nick was out and his parents were at work. And I also knew that Ryan would probably be at home when I went round to pick up some clothes I'd left there - totally accidentally of course.
We briefly talked about nothing in particular, just general chit-chat, but it didn't take long until I was in his arms and we were kissing. We didn't even make it to his room this time - instead we practically tore each other's clothes off before stumbling back onto his sofa.
There was no foreplay - the moment my legs were parted he was in me again. Unlike the first time, where we had been forced to be quiet, our second liaison was loud as I got lost in Ryan's skill once more.
I didn't realise how noisy I could be before that time with Ryan - it was like I was a different lover altogether. Or maybe my partner was just better. Again the sex was incredible, and I came twice as Ryan fucked me with my feet on his shoulders before he pumped me full of his cum with scant regard for the fact I was his brother's girlfriend..
It was for the best I was leaving home because I wasn't sure what would have happened if I'd stayed.
Because of how late I'd accepted the offer, I ended up getting slim pickings for halls of residence. Most of the areas left weren't safe for anyone, never mind a young naive girl. In the end I found a house with three girls in their final year. They were a little reluctant to take on a fresher, but when I explained I had a boyfriend and I could stay round his if I felt like a night out might get messy, they seemed happy enough for me to take the final room.
As promised, I did spend time with Nick in his halls, and with that came more sex that left me feeling hollow. The guilt I carried told me that it was because of what happened with Ryan, but rationally I also knew that what I shared with Ryan was so much more intense that there was, unfortunately, no comparison with his brother.
Even now I feel awful saying it - but it was just bad.
It was around a month into my time at university, working late one night on some lecture notes, when I first felt the pang of homesickness. I'd called my mother just before midnight and kept her on the phone until just before 1am, well past her bedtime. I'd hoped it would make me feel better, but instead when I finally put the phone down I felt even more alone and wondering whether this had all been a terrible mistake.
My mother must have spoken to my father about it, because the next morning I woke up and had a text message from an unknown number. It took me a moment but I quickly recognised the sender, and reading the jolly cadence of the words in his voice made me smile.
The message was from David, a man my dad used to work and hangout with when he was younger. He lived on the outskirts of the same city I lived in now and, when I was younger, we would head up some weekends to spend time with him in his big house.
David was wealthy, but kind with it and I had always enjoyed visiting him. Getting to play games in his huge games room, playing in his heated pool (and being banned from his hot tub because I was 'too young') - I cherished every weekend we'd go up to see him, and I would always feel a little disappointed when we had to return to our relatively normal lives and a house that felt very modest in comparison.
He was also one of the first men I'd noticed as I grew into a young woman, and one that I'd thought about more than once when alone in my bed with just my fingers for company.
I quickly typed out a reply to his offer of going to his for dinner on the Friday night and felt better immediately about my situation. My mum cared so much that she had asked a family friend to reach out to me, to show me that I wasn't so alone in my new surroundings. It meant an awful lot. For the rest of the week I looked forward to my visit, changing plans with some friends so they knew I wouldn't be around, and letting Nick know that I would see him on the Sunday.
Before I set off on that Friday I received another message from David asking if I had any issue with some friends coming around and joining us. I responded with a breezy "The more the merrier", and David replied pleasantly and with a suggestion to bring some swimwear, a difficult task considering I'd brought nothing with me to university. When I told him it might be a little too cold in autumn for a dip, he reminded me that he had an outdoor jacuzzi and it brought a smile to my face, remembering that now I was an adult I would finally be allowed in there.
When I arrived just before dinner, David greeted me with a huge bear hug, easily lifting me off of my feet. He had always been a big man - around six foot four - and quite broad-shouldered with it. He'd played rugby with my dad in his youth and he'd retained that body still - stocky rather than fat. Grey lined the temples of his dark hair, but otherwise he looked good for someone his age, with the same kind smile I'd known and been fond of when I was a kid. And those blue eyes...
Those blue eyes had trapped many women. He'd never settled down, much to the chagrin of my parents. My mother had said he was too flirty and that he liked different partners, easily getting bored. Considering his lifestyle, his home and what not, I could see the appeal.
"Polly!" he'd beamed, holding me at arms length, those blue eyes looking me up and down appraisingly. "You should have visited much sooner - certainly after what your dad has said. And with you so close too! Come, let's get you inside and introduce you to our guests."
I smiled warmly at him, feeling a fondness and contentment flood me. It had been the first time since leaving home that I felt like I belonged, and as I stepped into his large home I remembered all those memories from my time here before and the happiness they gave me. It was like draping a warm, familiar blanket over me.
David introduced me to his friends - Sally and Rob, two colleagues from where he worked, and James whom he still played rugby with. Each of them were much older than me but all were friendly as we ate dinner together, asking questions about my studies and what life as a student was like now compared to when they studied. I didn't get much chance to speak with David alone, but I did find his eyes lingering on me every now and then as my eyes went to him.
We opened a bottle of wine with dinner which quickly turned into two. Still relatively new to the game of drinking to excess, it was enough to make me feel a little buzzed. So when David suggested we all jump in his hot tub, despite how shy I could be about my body, I happily obliged.
