My first term at university had left me emotionally exhausted - from sleeping with my parents' friend, to breaking up with my first boyfriend and the chaos that lead up to fucking my housemate's boyfriend on our communal sofa - I was ready for some family time.
I returned home expecting it to feel like it always had done - a safe, loving space where I felt settled. I expected it to anchor me back to who I'd been when I left. There had been some that had told me that home would never be like that again and I'd naively dismissed it - I loved my mum and dad. I even loved my little brother. Why would it be any different?
Yet upon returning home I quickly realised what I'd been told was true. In four short months I'd grown more independent than I thought I had - I'd gotten used to eating when I wanted, going to bed when I wanted and getting up when I wanted, even when I had an early lecture.
Within a week I wanted to be back in my dingy, spartan house. Back to being close to Danny once more, wondering whether I could sneak more time with him without Katie knowing. Whether it was worth the risk of losing the relative tranquillity of the house for something with the man who had sparked something within me.
Against better judgement, I had text him on Christmas Day wishing him a happy yuletide. Gifts were exchanged and presents opened with my family, yet I was glued to my phone as I awaited a reply from Danny.
I got nothing.
Had I said something wrong? We'd not had a chance to speak before I left for home but I had assumed that, considering we'd fucked for the first time, that things were pretty good between us. The silence to my genial well-wishes was loud and extremely hurtful.
Further heartbroken and suffocated within the walls of my home, I knew I needed to get back to my student house. Well - I thought I needed it. What I really needed was to be surrounded by loved ones. But the youthful anguish I held wanted solitude, and after pleading with my dad, he agreed to take me back north the day after boxing day.
The house was as cold and empty as I had expected, but that mirrored what I felt inside. I almost instantly wanted to go back home and be with my family, but I didn't want to put them out once more, so I kept my silence and instead brooded alone with sorrowful shadows lurking in my thoughts.
As New Year approached I felt no desire to break my self-imposed isolation even though the idea of getting drunk in a club and bringing someone home felt somewhat appealing. But the effort needed in applying make-up and dressing nicely felt like too much of a hurdle. Better to huddle up in blankets and get quietly drunk at home, swaddled in my duvet.
I'd just pulled a frozen pizza from the oven at just past dusk on New Year's Eve when I heard the noise of keys jingling in the door. My heart lurched, fretting that my housemates would be home and they'd be having a party that I just wasn't in the mood for. The door opened and I waited for the raucous sound of party goers.
What I got was a grunt, low swearing, and the sound of something heavy dragging across the wooden floor in the hallway.
Pottering out of the kitchen, I peaked my head through the doorway to see a tall man, around 6'4, with a shaved head, clad in a leather jacket and dirty looking blue jeans. His back was to me as he pulled what looked like a box of flat pack furniture into the house.
"Um... hi," I said, and watched him jump and turn to look at me, his hand on his chest.
"Jesus," he swore in a sing-song Welsh accent. "You scared the life out of me love."
I smiled at him and he offered a nervous one back. It was a handsome face, with a well kept dark goatee surrounding his smile. The accent was somewhat of a giveaway in who he might be, as were the eyes - he had his daughter's eyes. The same daughter's whose boyfriend I'd slept with.
"I didn't know anyone was going to be here. I'm Hugh, Katie's da. You must be... Polly, yes?"
"That's right. Sorry, I decided to come back early."
He closed the door and then placed his hands on his hips, regarding me in a disarming and friendly manner. "What you apologising for love?" he laughed. "Done nothing wrong - should be me apologising to you now!"
The smile was still on my lips as his affable nature washed over me. I shook my head and felt loose strands of red hair tug free from my bobble that had been loosely keeping it tied up.
"How... why are you here if you don't mind me asking?"
Hugh patted the large cardboard box beside him. "Well two reasons. One is that Katie wanted this new set of drawers building. And the other is that she's having an house party for New Year, so figured I'd make myself scarce rather than hiding out in me bedroom all night."
His laugh was so gentle I thawed almost instantly around him, then a thought came to me that I had to immediately ask him.
"Is Danny at the party?"
His answer is strained as he'd just picked up the large box. "Oh Danny? Yeah he's there. Been with us all Christmas he has."
Of course he hadn't replied then - he'd been with his girlfriend. My heart sank though I didn't know why - what had I really expected? For him to drop everything for me?
"You okay love?" came a concerned voice from the stairs, and my blue eyes looked up to see Hugh looking at me with a furrowed brow.
"I'm fine," I said, smiling hastily and then just as quickly changing the topic. "Um... do you want some help with that?"
"No I've got it. Couldn't bring me a cup of tea up eh?"
His cheerful demeanour, and the fact that I had company for the first time in days, made me almost jump to his request. When I headed back upstairs with a mug of tea in one hand and a plate with two slices of pizza on it, Hugh was in his daughter's bedroom starting to unpack the furniture.
"I'd just cooked some pizza. It's not great but thought I'd offer you some."
"Well aren't you a darling?" he said, a warm smile on his face as he took both from me. "Thank you very much Polly. Don't let me keep you from your evening though love - sure you got better things to be doing than watching me building some flat pack furniture!"
