Love Lingers

Author's Note: Hello everyone. Due to the amount of dedication, commitment and positive reception, I have continued the Beach Trip story and here is part 2. This one took quite a while to finish.

Funny thing is I actually had this story completely written out within a few months, however I went far off the deep end and sent it in a much crazier direction than I expected. It did not advance the story very much at all and it was much too wild and fantastical by the end. So I saved it off to the side and actually rewrote the entire story. That other version will be released in the future as a spinoff.

This story is very intimate to me and I wanted to write something that felt twisted but also very real. I hope this story does well to invoke many different emotions both high and low as it did for me.

With that said, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it to the fullest. As you can expect, this story will continue.

***

May 6, 2018.

It's been a long freshman year of college. I completed my last final today and decided to end it with a bang. I texted the girl who roomed across the hall from me in case she had the same idea. Here I am, 40 minutes later naked in bed, in dismay, staring at the generic white walls plastered with my roommate's Jimi Hendrix and Beatles posters feeling like the year just passed me by so quickly. I'm fighting my brain to stay inspired as all my BS classes took place this year, basically the same junk I learned in highschool but with quieter classrooms.

But the real thing that saddens me is not the lack of parties as there are quite a bit of them going on every weekend. It's not my roommate as we've become good friends bonding throughout the year. It's not just the coursework that has been stressing me out.

I'm just struggling to feel. Everytime I go out, it feels like everyone is knee-deep in the moment, like there is nothing after college. They party hard, drink, smoke, fuck, memorize test questions, regurgitate them onto tests, then rinse and repeat. I do have a select amount of real friends I can count on, although they are also going through their own issues. But I haven't been able to find even the slightest hint of a good connection with someone. I've tried a few times and they either tell me they don't want anything serious or they sweet talk me into sex and I just can't help feeling sad and empty at the end of it.

I know what I want by now... because I've had it before...

I leave on Friday to go back home and while the first year has undoubtedly been good to me, I still wonder why part of it seems so unfulfilling...

I shut the notebook I'd been writing entries in, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. My fingers met my forehead as I contemplated endlessly about the subtle cloudy void that plagued my heart.

The door busted open. My roommate, Marcus, stood in the archway with a giant empty bin.

"Oh shit." I said.

"Aye, you good? Bro, why're you writing naked?" Marcus laughed.

I pulled my shorts up off the floor, "Sorry you had to see that, I didn't mean to intimidate you," I joked knowing he'd take it well. We changed in the room all the time so it didn't feel too out of place.

"Aha, you got jokes." He said, shaking his head as he walked over to his bed to collect the rest of his things. "Were you bangin'?"

"Yes, unfortunately." I groaned.

"Hey it's all good. I ain't mad, I'm just asking. You got anything big planned for the summer?"

"Hmmm, I don't know. I guess I could take a trip upstate or go camping with my cousin Jonathan. I really do want to go back the beach again this summer."

"You and that beach," Marcus said, "you really do seem to like that place, judging only from how much you've talked about it."

I huffed in agreement.

"I'll make it out there for sure. What about you?"

"I'm in the same boat, just going wherever the river takes me, man. Beach does sound fun though, not gonna lie. I miss my family but I'm gonna miss you guys here too."

"Same, I'm gonna miss you as well, you were a good roommate." I said sincerely.

"Thanks brother. You were too." He nodded like a true heartfelt friend.

He paused for a few moments, noticing how out-of-touch I felt.

"What's up, man?"

I didn't answer, just sighed.

"It's that girl you were talking about before isn't it?" He leaned into my view.

"Yep... yes it is." I answered.

"Aw man, I'm sorry to hear that. I know she means a lot to you. You'll find the right one someday, just keep your head up. Don't let it get you down. You never know, she might be there."

I smirked almost unnoticeably.

"No, you right. Thanks for being there all this time."

"Anytime! You too bro, thank you." He said as we gripped hands. "But hey, you got my number. Anything you need, hit me up! Even if it is about her for the hundredth time."

"I will, Marcus." I said, appreciating the generous offer. He was a great guy to vent to and I always did the same for him on the couple of occasions he did.

We shared a bro-hug and he walked out with the rest of his things, paused, then darted right back in.

"Oh, bro, my momma actually brought me some of those cookies we ate after we came back from winter break! You want some more before I go?"

My mouth instantly watered, thinking about the perfect mix of chocolatey crunch and inner softness I tasted when he brought them back in a blue container. After the break, he even made some of his own, although with a slightly altered recipe.

"No way! That's sick dude, if you don't mind! Tell your mom I said thanks."

He laughed and held up a container, the same blue container which held the special recipe cookies. He encouraged me to take multiples. I grabbed a couple then bit into that delicious chocolate chip goodness.

"Hey we ate all of those other cookies you had right? The ones with that extra recipe?" I paused to ask.

"Uhhh yeah I think so!" He said.

"Oh well, if not, guess we're gonna be on another adventure."

The Jimi Hendrix poster was the last to go. We said our goodbyes and I packed the rest of my stuff, placing them on his empty bed.

The sun had already set and I fatigued from the last final. I laid in my bed, switched Netflix on, then turned over. I began to drift into the night. Quite an exhausting week it was. I closed my eyes. Instead of falling asleep, my mind raced.

"I love her."

"You love this girl? Since when do you know anything about love, Chris? You're young, you've had one or two girlfriends. How do you know what love is?"

"I know what it is, because she showed me it..."

"She is much older than you. You are not capable of processing what she did to you. She took advantage of you, she coerced you into doing something you never would have done if you had been thinking clearly. What she did was wrong but you need to realize that what you did was wrong too."

"It just felt so real to me... she wouldn't have done that if she didn't love me..."

"She deceived you. She used your feelings to get what she wanted and you gave it up to her willingly. That doesn't seem like something who is old enough to make their own decisions would do, is it? That is not what love is. Someone who cares about you would never even think of doing something like that. I'm putting my foot down, you are never talking to her again and she will never set foot in my house. Is that clear?"

***

The sheets slowly illuminated a bright sunrise yellow. It was daytime. The sun in the clear blue sky cast a beam that bent along the window frame over to the white walls and onto the light nylon carpet. The empty room lit brighter than before now. I sat up on the bed as unrecognizable figures walked in and out of the room. The queen pillow fluffed lightly onto my left shoulder followed by a solid push, slightly tilting my head. Comfortable arms wrapped around my body and I reached up, touching their warm skin and caressing them with my thumb. The bed spanned a queen size.

I looked up past the bare shoulders. Curly locks of red hair glowed golden ruby as they fell in front of the sun and brushed my cheeks, the solar circle twinkled behind them. Beautiful warm ivory colored skin dotted with sunkissed freckles, blue eyes focused on me like waves of ocean tides in a snowglobe, lips resembling a ripe strawberry patch, a button nose that curved upward to the sky, a pearly white smile, all came into view.

The mesh curtains blew inward, bringing forth the smell of sea salt to my nose that naturally breathed it in deeply as if out of reflex.

Their lips touched down to kiss me and they received my full acceptance in return. Lips that tasted sweet like a strawberry. My forearms tingled as their fingers caressed my skin and my eyes shut blissfully.

They released suddenly, savoring a long stare, then placed their soft hand against the smooth extra-soft cotton stretch of my Calvin Kleins, directly between my thighs. I drew in a gasp as my fingertips indented into their soft forearm. My heart hastened, throwing me into deep breaths as blood rushed through my head all the way down to my toes. My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head as the lids closed halfway. My body accepted the feeling and I ceased to hide my reaction. The soft hand motioned up and down, gripping delicately at me as I inhaled deeply, my vision whitened in a deep trance. The breaths from my nose echoed throughout the room, reverbing off the spacious walls.

They pressed their chest against mine so I could reach behind their shoulder to brace my quivering body. I breathed into their bosom and arched my back as the ecstasy overtook me, allowing me to release control and the bright light took over.

***

Zzzt zzzt

My eyes peaked under my weary lids. The sun shone an orange tint through the evergreen trees, sparkling as the pine needles danced in front of it.

"No, no, no, please go back to sleep." I complained as if pleading with my body.

I turned onto my back, placing my hands by my sides and closed my eyes, desperate to return back to the dreamscape. 30 minutes elapsed and my body increasingly urged me to get up.

"Fuck." I whispered in anguish. I wiped the wetness away from my eyes before drops formed. I reached over to the nightstand to grab my phone.

9:04am, Thursday.

Mom

2 messages

Marcus

3 messages

I opened my phone and checked Marcus's message.

Marcus: Hey bro, can you call me real quick when you get a chance?

Marcus: Are you feeling this too???

Marcus: Dude!!! I'm so sorry!! I'm in outer space!!

Of course. We must have eaten God knows how many secret recipe cookies that he mistakenly mixed up with his mother's normal batch. Once I fell asleep, I had that intensely vivid dream.

I pressed the call button and held it up to my ear. The phone rang three times.

"Hello?" He answered, extremely groggy and quite tired.

"Hey bro, what's up?" I said.

He huffed deeply. It sounded like he was rubbing his forehead or tossing in his sheets.

"Bro, first of all I am so sorry." He said, "turns out, that bin that we ate the cookies out of? I slipped up, they were mixed with some leftover ones we made."

"Yeah I kinda figured that." I admitted.

"Nothing bad happened right? You okay? Everything good with you?"

I let out a long deep breath.

"Yeah, it's all good. I just watched Netflix and passed out. It must have hit me while I was sleeping. What about you?"

"Pshht, man. Well, my momma made me drive... and after one hour I had to tell her I was feeling sick so she was mad that she had to take over. The whole time, I was trying so damn hard to answer her questions and she would not let me pass out. It was torture. But everything turned out okay, glad it turned out that way for you too."

"Hahaha. Well at least she didn't find out so that's good. But I appreciate you for checking in."

"Hey no problem my man. Catch you later."

I hung up and checked the message from my mom.

I have to head down to Virginia for the weekend.

Your cousin is coming to pick you up at 9

I squinted my eyes and typed.

Which cousin??

No immediate answer, as usual.

I gathered my things to get ready and my phone rang.

Oh, to see without my eyes, The first time that you kissed me...

I picked it up quickly and answered.

"Hey?"

"Hey, I'm parked outside your building. Mayer Hall right?" A female voice said.

It was Ashley. My cousin who outed me and cut my beach trip short.

"Yep." My voice immediately went monotone.

"Okay, can you let me in then?"

"Sure." I answered blankly.

I placed the phone screen side down. My lips pursed a bit.

"Why is she coming to pick me up?" I complained as I exasperatedly placed my hands over my face.

I grabbed a bin, propped the door, then headed down the hall. Light streamed in thin shapes through the slim rectangular windows. I opened the glass door to see her standing by the front. She wore a green plaid flannel with a black tank top underneath and jeans. Her natural brunette curls fell to her crossed arms. She gave me a gentle lip smile.

"Hey." She greeted me. Her voice bounced off the empty deserted lobby.

"Hey." I replied blankly again.

"Which room are you?" She said as I walked out towards the parking lot.

"204. It's that way. Door's propped open." I said, pointing with my thumb as I stepped past her.

Her smile quickly disappeared as she glanced at me with concern. She started down the hall and I walked up to the red Honda CR-V parked out front.

***

Ashley respired deeply, her mood tarnished by Chris's dismissive attitude. She anticipated he'd be a little more cordial and not as if it were over the holidays where he had still been upset and gave her the silent treatment. Obviously his emotions towards her had continued from that point on.

She walked down the hall, very nicely kept for a dormitory. She found room 204 propped open and walked in to see his things piled onto the empty mattress.

She didn't know if he would reconcile with her, spend the entire trip mad, or simply not speak to her and stay silent the entire ride. But the last two options were definitely not acceptable, not while she took the time to get up early and drive 3 hours to pick him up.

***

Both of us finished loading the car and sat in the seats, cooled from the air conditioning.

"Okay, got everything?" she whispered.

I faced toward the windshield, looking at the pine trees and the grassy hills that sloped behind them. Jet trails streaked across the sky, starting thin then expanding into thicker white clouds of vapor.

"Chris."

"Mmhmm?"

The dismissive answer catalyzed the brewing frustration within her, sending it erupting from her voice.

"Look seriously, what is your problem?!"

"I'm sorry?" I asked, obviously offended.

"You're giving me the cold shoulder after I drove all the way out here to pick you up and help you move your stuff out, and now you're acting like a dick." She said, masking her offended feelings with a snappy tone.

My eyes stared up towards her, taken aback and vexed by her response. She stared back, unphased and waiting for an answer.

"I'm being a dick? Well maybe I wouldn't be if you hadn't done what you did!" I said, becoming defensive immediately.

My eyes blurred and my nose felt sniffly. I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore and they poured over my apprehensions.

"So you're just gonna go on treating me like I'm a horrible person because of it? That's your problem, Chris. You're such a spoiled brat who thinks everyone owes you a favor. You are so ungrateful that someone offered to come drive three hours and you just treat them like shit. You can't even thank them or look them in the eye!"

"Then why'd you do it if you hate me so much?" I said, this time looking at her.

"When did I say I hated you? Tell me, when?!" She retorted, obviously offended, "Chris, this is ridiculous to throw in my face right off the bat. I mean why'd I even fucking come out here then if you're gonna act like that? It feels like I'm wasting my time."

"It really seems like you do." I yelled back, fighting back tears but unable to hide my quivering lip, "You told on me and ruined my summer and now you're here screaming at me. Just drive or leave me here because I'm never talking to you again."

Ashley was an impenetrable fortress but a tense pause symbolized a chink in her armor. Like always, I felt terrible immediately after saying it. Both of our hands met our heads in frustration. We both took a deep breath.

"Chris, I came up so we could talk it out. I don't want this to go on anymore. I know you may not think so but I really do care about you." She said with a calmer tone as she noticed my emotional reaction.

"What is there to talk about? How I got in deep trouble with my mom, or how my whole summer was ruined and that my family hates me now?"

"Your family does not hate you, Chris. It was a debacle of an event but that's just not true. And I don't hate you either, in case you couldn't tell."

I stayed silent so I could hear her out.

"Look, I was nice enough to come all the way out here and take you home. Please at least give me the time of day." She said sternly but considerately as her green eyes faced me from my peripheral vision.

My eyes traveled down to the dashboard as I thought intently of what to say. I took another deep breath.

I tilted my head up towards her, ensuring my expression indicated I was more upset than mad at her. She seemed despondent from my closed-off behavior. The sunlight casted an amber highlight on her curls and her gleaming hazel eyes resembled the prism shining through the window. Her pointed nose faced toward me. She and I had not talked since a year ago and I last saw her around Thanksgiving and Christmas.

"There's a diner style place I saw on the way. It looks really nice and we can stop there on the way if you want. Get some breakfast and it's on me."

Fair play, a hot fresh steaming breakfast with the smell of coffee always carved a pathway to my heart. That type of kindness was always enough to help put aside any grievances.

"I'd like that a lot. Thank you." I said. My emotions switched from held in anger to blank sadness.

We pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the main road. The campus was almost completely barren with the exception of a few families loading their students' belongings into cars. The main road stretched far past the treelines that separated open grassy fields, farmland, and maybe a few one story houses here and there. I watched as the grass seemed to flicker as it swayed in the wind. The sun had already begun to rise in the blue sky, patterned with wavy cirrostratus clouds.

"Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you like that." She started, noticing me subsequently exhaling. She realized she came off a little hostile for my behavior and took a step back.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said that, and I didn't mean it." I replied.

"And also I want to apologize for everything that happened. I didn't know that you were going to face that harsh of a punishment. I've never seen your mother like that, I don't know how tough she is on you. And honestly, I never would have guessed dad would react that way." Ashley was not always the type to apologize and when she did, she felt she needed to thoroughly explain and justify her side of the story.

"You had to have known some type of way. He's your dad." I replied.

"Not really. All I said to him was that you three were in the room together. I didn't say what you were doing but he assumed the worst... which turned out to be right." Her eyes seemed guilty and saddened.