The Best Porn Film Ever

I took an excursion from Cairns out to the Great Barrier Reef for a day. This is what happened.

The Reef is amazing. The variety of coral is huge. Corals that look like giant brains, fans, tree branches, blue boulders, flowers and many more. One school of 20 or so silver fish, each about a foot long, is swimming the same way as me and I fall into the group, become part of the school. We all swim together for some distance, and then suddenly they turn in unison and look at me as if confronting an imposter. Is there a metaphor here?

I see a pair of butterfly fish. Apparently they mate for life. Poor fools. Or maybe true love. They swim side by side as if sensing each others movements by ESP.

I get over a particularly lovely area of the reef, and I let myself drift, weightless, staring downward. I spot a cleaner wrasse, a small fish that swims into the mouths of larger fish and cleans their teeth. He is working on a Trevallee, and a Parrotfish is right behind, waiting his turn to get is mouth cleaned. I wonder what he charges?

A hooker fish swims by, in fishnet stockings, and I drift of into a hallucinatory trance, still weightless.

I wake up in the International Space Station, in a sort of bunk bed. Across from me in the tiny room is another bed, with a woman asleep. Her back is to me but I can see her long black hair floating upward and waving slowly, like the coral in my dream. She is strapped in her bunk, as am I.

I paid the Russians 40 million dollars to bring us up here. A lot for a 3 day weekend, and it did max out my Visa card, but we are now the first married couple in space. Ever. That has to be worth something, right? One for the history books.

This is my offering to Tina in penance for my bad behavior on board ship. Some cheapskates might have just bought a couple of Aussie opals, but I'm a wealthy coward.

There has been some speculation about whether there has ever been sex in space. Tina isn't the first woman up here, and some missions have been quite long. It doesn't matter. Ours will be the first "official" sex. After all we are a married couple.

For a few extra bucks, one of the cabins has been renovated. All fixtures removed, all surfaces padded, and 6 High Definition hidden cameras installed, one in the middle of each wall. The reason sex in space is special is weightlessness. We will film it from all angles.

You didn't think I would lash out 40 mill without a plan to get it back did you? I figure that, managed right, the first genuine space sex is worth big bucks. A book deal, appearances on Oprah, every newspaper and TV network in the world will cover it. In an instant we'll be the most famous couple in the world!

I have already made not one but two film deals. Disney has offered 30 million for the worldwide rights to make a fictionalized quasi-documentary film of our lives, P-G rated. They'll use a heavily edited, soft focus, romanticized view of the sex. It will be suggestive, but not explicit. No cum shots. It'll be called "Space to Love", at least that is the working title.

Vivid Pictures, the largest maker in the US of porn films, has offered 20 million, plus a piece of the action for the porn version. It will be based on fantasy emails Tina and I have exchanged over the years, dramatized by porn actors, culminating in the real footage of our encounters. The working title is "Mooning Venus". I'm not sure what the means.

Tina knows about the Disney Deal, but not the Vivid deal. There's more. The Vivid deal is for the USA only. I can still sell foreign rights separately. I figure that might be worth another 20 million.

Today is our first day of filming.

Tina wakes up and I help her unstrap. We use the space toilet and wash ourselves with wet clothes. We eat breakfast by sucking food from a tube, surprisingly tasty but too much salt. Coffee too. Tastes instant. Space living is expensive but far from luxurious.

We spend some time staring out the window at Earth. It is gloriously beautiful, an electric blue with areas of green and white. We are over northern Australia and I point out the Great Barrier Reef to Tina.

All this is filmed by a crew member with a portable video camera I supplied. He thinks it is our home movie. We'll slip him some money later, back on Earth.

"Space to Graydon, Space to Graydon" It's Tinas voice and I realize I've zoned out thinking about the technical details.

Having never made a film before, we had Disney give us some pointers on lighting, makeup and so on. We both had full body waxes before leaving, although they left me some chest and pubic hair. Some. We have had our bodies exfoliated and smoothed with sea salt and pumice, and both of us have had laser wrinkle removal. We don't want to look young, just a bit less old.

We have also had our hair dyed professionally, leaving me some grey. Tina none.

"What time do we start?" Tina asks.

"30 minutes", I say,"Enough time for another wash, and putting on our body and face makeup."

You didn't think those glamorous people in porn films actually look that good without help, do you? We've also been working out like fiends for months.

I love Tina like crazy, but this isn't as romantic as I expected. Too much technical detail.

I had to have a meeting with the Vivid producer, Seymour Butts. I assume that isn't his real name. Anyway, he's a small, balding guy about my age, but showing the effects of hard living and too many cigarettes.

"You have a great concept here, it will make a pile for both of us. But I need to give you a few rules for a successful film:

Each encounter lasts 20 minutes, certainly at least 18.

Segues between sex scenes last no more than 2 minutes, preferably less.

You need a minimum of 3 sex scenes, preferably 4.

Anal is mandatory in at least one scene

One scene must be lesbian or 3 way

No actor may have a dick less than 9" long

Female actresses must have large breasts

Actors need to take Viagra. Can't have any soft bits can we?

You never come inside a vagina, always pull out so the come drips on her body.

I immediately see a couple of problems. Tina's breasts, although firm and well shaped, aren't all that big. I've never taken Viagra, but I don't see why I couldn't. And number 6, do I qualify?

"Have any pictures?" I show him some pictures Walter took of Tina last year.

"She's Asian? Small breasts are OK then. Let's get you measured. "

He picks up a phone. An assistant comes in with a tape measure. She looks like a hooker, and is wearing a skirt so short it doesn't quite cover her ass cheeks, and she display a sort of upside down cleavage. She turns and unzips my fly without asking.

"4 inches" she intones.

"Ahem" I cough, "it does get bigger."

She reaches down and gives it a few pulls with little results. However I have Tina's photos in my hand and as soon as I look at them and imagine Tina's hand on my dick, it springs out and passes the test. That was interesting. A picture of Tina works better than a real and glamorous girl!

"Anyway, you two only need to appear in the final scene, and we can use a stunt cock for close-ups if needed. The other scenes will be reenactments of your fantasies so the actors don't have to be exactly like you to."

I translate that to mean "They will be younger, better looking, and better endowed."

He hands over a stack of his most popular DVDs for me to study. The meeting is over.

I snap out of my reverie and back to reality. I'm in the space station, about to have sex with the woman I love. What could be better? I look at me list to make sure I have done everything. Uh-oh. Forgot the Viagra. A bit late, but I pop one now.

Tina comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a bathrobe. It has a pair of shorts as well, since a weightless bathrobe can ride up. She looks fantastic, hanging on to a hand rail, with her long hair fanning out in random strands, and my doubts disappear.

We go together to the ballroom, as we call it, hanging on to railings and pulling ourselves along. We shed our clothes at the door, and I hit the button to activate the cameras.

We laugh as we begin to float loosely in the padded room. Tina, in a move verging on brilliance, has tied long red silk scarves to her wrists and ankles. They float freely as though blown by the wind, but in a more random fashion. Romantic and sexy.

We float around for a while, just getting the feeling of weightless movement. It is tremendous fun, and soon we are laughing and bouncing off the walls. You get going quite fast with a shove or a kick, but even padded walls hurt if you overdo it.

Then I reach out my hand, put it behind her head, and pull her lips over to mine. We kiss for a long time, and she pushes her tongue enthusiastically in to my mouth, something she has only begun recently. My cock begins to respond, but it always does when she kisses me, so I don't see any effect from the Viagra.

Our feet are just hanging out loosely, so I grab Tina's waist, and move her body upward, pulling her pussy toward my mouth in slow motion. Gradually I bring her closer while I extend my tongue, until it just brushes her clitoris. She's enjoying herself and so am I.

I perform cunnilingus, while we spin a bit. Tina grabs my cock and pulls it toward her mouth. What an amazing feeling. She can literally pull be to her that way, and she fixes her lips firmly around it. She has recently become awfully good at blow jobs, and I try and avoid thinking about how she learned the skill.

We run through a repertoire of "standard" sex positions and move, but floating, and mostly slowly. The penultimate moment is when we manage to separate bounce off walls just right, and my candle gracefully enters the jade gate. Ok I admit we tried nine times before it worked. By now I'm pretty horny so I grab her ass and start fucking vigorously. She is so wet random strands of cunt juice are floating around.

The ultimate is when I come, she is already convulsed in pleasure, and I push myself away as the sperm gushes out so I seem to be jet propelled away from her. Then the two of us swim and bounce around the room, catching the loose blobs of sperm in our mouths.

I know in my heart that we have made the most important scene in the most successful porn film of all time.

A parrot fish is nuzzling my mask, and a whistle is blowing, calling me back to the boat. I turn and swim slowly back.