I thought the boss was going to bust a gut trying to keep a straight face. Because of the recent investigations into our company's supposed overseas sweatshops–charges that were dropped–the project in Bangkok needed more than my operational expertise. He'd decided, he said, to send along someone from human resources to do the contracting and wage structure. Not anyone from human resources. He was sending Mel Zimmerman, the company's VP of Human Resources and resident labor law genius. While he told me this, the boss was having a hell of a time remaining stoic. He'd rather have been on the floor, rolling around on his expensive his fancy Persian rug–laughing his ass off.
My job requires I spend most of my time twelve time zones away from the boss's office. That's fine by me. I'm not a coat and tie type of guy, and I do enjoy travel--but only by myself. Nothing ruins a trip like having to hold a corporate hand through airports, customs and hotels. I have it down to a science and move quickly through the maze. If I'm babysitting someone else, I have to slow down to point to where to get their bags, then wait while customs marvels at all of the excess crap they packed. For that reason, I especially don't like taking a female with me, corporate officer or not.
Mel–Melissa–Zimmerman might have been statuesque had she not stopped growing at five feet. The chest she got honestly–through genes, not surgery. The rest came with hard work in the gym. Flat belly. Shapely legs. An ass that most women would die for–and most men would die happy if they were parked on it. Add the shiny blue eyes and pixie-cut black hair, she is a babe by any man's definition.
Now you might lick your chops and question why I wasn't looking forward to the trip. Late night meeting preparations drinking a little too much wine or having one to many Beefeaters gin and tonics. That might lead to a roll in the sack. With a woman who looks like that? A potential fringe benefit all men dream about. But that was the other reason my boss had the giggles. Melissa Zimmerman is gay.
***
In the current security environment, the airport experience can be described in one way: hurry up and wait. I long ago learned the value of using my bonus miles to upgrade to first class so I could wait in the lounge. I was sitting in a comfortable chair reading the local newspaper when I heard a familiar voice asking me if our fearless leader knew we were flying first class. "No, but he's not paying for it. I upgraded us with my miles."
"Really? The company manual says you're supposed to turn in the freebies."
"Never got around to it. I give them the balance when I'm in town long enough to deal with the bullshit."
Mel grinned. "So my department is bullshit, is it?"
I took a closer look. She'd come dressed for serious travel. A T-shirt that was too formal to be called that, one of those skirts that were really shorts and comfortable running shoes. Even more important, all she had was a laptop, a briefcase and a small bag. "Already check in your bag?"
"Nope. This is it. I don't like to hang in baggage claim."
I stuffed the vision of that T-shirt–wet–into the recesses of my mind and tried not to look at the way her shorts/skirt stretched around her round ass. My eyes shifted to her tanned legs, but that was a mistake. Feeling a little flush, I went back to my paper.
"Doesn't bother me."
"Huh?"
"I'm used to guys staring at the equipment. If you're worried about some sort of harassment lawsuit... don't. I like it."
"I thought that...."
"I'd rather have a woman staring at my ass? Most don't. Their turn on is the eyes or mouth or parts men never see." She laughed. "Staring is harmless. Besides, if you surprise me coming out of the shower, it's not big deal. ...You've already seen me naked."
"I've what?"
"Undressed me in your beady little male mind. You have, haven't you?"
"Well, ...uh."
"And to fill in the blanks, I have a tat of a rose on my left cheek, I shave clean and they're C-cups. ...Miss anything?"
I was speechless. It was not what I expected. The woman was a magna cum laud grad from some ivy league school, not a hooker. Further, given her sexual persuasion.... "It's more than I needed to know. Coffee? I'm having a little Baily's in mine."
"Coffee, yes. Booze, no It's too early for me." She laughed. "With as much traveling as you do, you still have to fortify yourself to get on an airplane?"
"Not fear of flight. I'm pre-adjusting time zones."
"Oh."
I got her the coffee, then sat down next to her. "How are we going to work this?"
She frowned. "You want to start talking business already? Jeez. We have the next fifteen hours to do that."
"Okay." I went back to my paper.
"I read your personnel jacket. Pretty wife. No kids."
"They have my wife's picture in my personnel file?"
"Christmas party picture. Why no kids?"
I was confused by the personal interest. "She models. A pregnant belly doesn't fit in with that. Kids come later, after she retires."
"Oh." She laughed. "I thought it might be your reputation."
"My reputation?"
"According to the women I spoke with, you're a slut."
"A what?"
"A slut. You'll screw any woman who'll drop her drawers, and you've apparently been quite persuasive in that department." She shook her head. "After seeing your wife, I thought you'd be partial to tall, leggy blonds. Not so. You apparently are into equal opportunity. Any shape, size or hair color.
I tried to sound incensed. "I beg you pardon."
"No begging or pardon required." She laughed. "Did you really screw Cindy in finance? She has to be at least 300 pounds."
"No. ...And if you have more women around the building claiming...."