I try to look nonchalant, uncross my arms and say, "Ok. I am listening."
He smiles. I turn and walk back into the room. The light beside the bed is on. I sit down and offer him something to drink. "No. I'm good. First I just want to say, if I'm going to keep my hands off you and talk, do you mind putting on a robe?"
I look down. The blush is quick and a deep red. I stand and walk to the bathroom. After the wine, and falling asleep I completely forgot to get dressed. I didn't even notice. What a way to begin this talk. I'm fucking naked. I. Lose and lock the bathroom door. Take a deep breath. I brush my hair and my teeth. Splash some cold water on my face. Grab my robe and slip it on. It's not the silky one from our night. It's a huge terry cloth one the hotel provides. Now what. I still feel the effects of the wine. I can't put it off anymore. I exit the bathroom. Slowly walk back to the bed and sit, making completely sure not to look at him or touch him. I have decided to sit as far away from him while still being on the bed. He takes a deep breath and starts.
"I am sure I hurt you, but"
"Why would you think you can even hurt me, so we fucked, big deal." My tone is like acid. Come to think of it, my head feels like someone has poured acid in it. I can't. I can't have this talk now. I'm sick to my stomach. "Look, I'm sorry. That was bitchy. How about we compromise. I promise to talk to you openly. I promise to listen. If you can just wait until tomorrow. Maybe at lunchtime." I feel so tired. I feel like I'm about to cry, and the wine is still effecting my body.
"Why can't we talk now Lauren? I really want to." His eyes are searching my face.
"I drank some wine last night. I really feel like I'm going to vomit. Plus, I'm so tired." A tear has escaped and rolls down my cheek. His hand reaches toward me. Thankfully I am out of reach. If he touches me I will be lost.
He scratches his head. And softly replies "Wine huh. Ok. I will accept your compromise. Lay down."
I figured he would leave. I lay down and he turns out the light. The one tear has now multiplied. They are coming quickly. I do not cry very often. I grab a Kleenex off the bedside table, whisper goodnight, and close my eyes. I am almost asleep when I feel the mattress dip. I can feel him pulling me into his eye. I can still feel the tears running on my face. I want to roll over out of his arms, but my body doesn't respond. Instead I feel my body melting into his. The last thought in my head is, maybe this is where I am suppose to be.
The sunlight has invaded my eyes. My mouth feels like a desert. The taste is almost too much. I try to sit up, only to discover arms wrapped around me. I turn and see Dixon, his face relaxed in sleep. The curtains are open. I slide out of his arms and head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth, use the bathroom, wash my hands and face. My hair is everywhere so I pull it up into a bun. I head to the coffee maker. I need a dose of caffeine. I open the fridge and see the wine. I pick up the bottle and see it's empty. I thought I only had three glasses. No wonder I feel so horrendous. I grab a Coke and head back to the bed. I need some Ibuprofen, in my bag I find a half a bottle of ibuprofen and take four. I sit on the bed sipping the coke. I am searching my mind for how Dixon is in my bed. Then I remember, the door, the talk (or not talk), the tears, and then I vaguely remember being in his arms.
"Hey." I hear his voice at the exact same time I feel his arm wrap around my waist. He pulls me back into a laying position. I settle beside him. He is stroking my hair, my back, and my face. "How much wine did you drink last night?"
I groan. "I thought I only had three glasses. Apparently I finished the bottle." I take a deep breath and draw in his scent. "I guess you want to talk now huh?" I ask. Suddenly his hand is removing the sash on my robe. I feel it sliding off my shoulder. I can feel his breath on my cheek as he moves his lips closer to mine. His hand has found my breast as his lips find mine. I moan a soft half moan half sigh. Then my mind clears, I stiffen.
"Oh Lauren. Please, do not push me away. It is killing me to see the hurt in your eyes." I try to relax, I really do. I can't though. I sit up and smile down at him.
"I am going to jump into the shower. I will be right back." As I am speaking I am fixing my robe.
"Ok. I am going to go clean up. Do you want to meet back here in an hour? We can have brunch."
"Ok. See you in an hour." I go back to the bathroom and start the shower. I can hear him outside the door. I am certain he is talking. Maybe on his phone. I step into the shower and feel my whole body relax. I wash my hair, shave my legs, and then I turn the shower off. Stepping out of the shower, drying off I can feel my hangover improving. I dress in a simple pale pink sundress.
My hair I braid only to get it out of my way. I grab a cup of coffee, and head to the balcony with my phone. I see that it is only eight. When I unlock my phone I see thirteenth missed calls. No one calls me. I touch it, and they are all from Dixon. I touch it so I can see the times that he called. Starting almost exactly when I got the bottle of wine. I exit and look at the messages. I have never had my phone 'blown up' before. Now I have. Sixteen texts. What! Sixteen texts. How is that possible. I open the messages and read.
