This tale dates back some thirty or so years ago, when I was an engineer for the local cable tv company. I had been there a good few years and had progressed to a role of technical troubleshooter, this meant that rather than having a schedule of jobs to do each day around the area, I was assigned the trickier ones, but allowed as much time as needed to resolve issues for the customers.
I hadn't been in a good frame of mind for a while, having not long broken up with the girlfriend I had been living with and moved out into digs in a shared house. Although the house was OK and the room fairly decent, the live in landlady was a nightmare.
This particular day did not start well, my morning call turned out to be a particularly stroppy posh bloke claiming our installation team had broken their video recorder (I did say it was a long time ago!). The house was at the very edge of the franchise, nearly an hours drive from the office through heavy traffic. It was a boiling hot summers day, and although I had a company car, air con was not on the options list, so I was sweating buckets. I pulled onto the drive, behind his flashy BMW convertible and went up to knock on the door. It was opened by a what I can only describe as a "yuppie" banker type, who immediately started swearing at me demanding to know why it had taken me so long to get there. Apparently he was losing money having to wait in for me to turn up. After advising him if he didn't stop swearing at me, I would be walking away and he would have to wait even longer, he eventually let me in.
I could hear the screams of a couple of young kids from what I assumed was the kitchen, as he led me through to the lounge.
"It's over there in the corner under the tele," he barked at me, "worked fine till your hamfisted blokes turned up yesterday. Now the kids are throwing a tantrum because they can't watch their videos."
I knelt down and carefully slid the recorder out of the expensive tv unit and checked it over visually, everything appeared to be OK and all the leads were in place. However when I tried to turn it on it made some very strange noises.
"See thats what I mean!" he shouted at me once more.
I took a look at the cassette slot and shone a torch inside, a big smile spread across my face.
"I'm sorry Sir, this is nothing to do with our engineers," I announced.
"What the fuck do you mean it's not your engineers!"
At this point using a pair of long nosed pliers I pulled the remains of a very sticky jam sandwich out of the machine.
"I don't believe our engineers are in the habit of sticking sandwiches into electronic equipment Sir," I replied showing him the debris.
He spluttered and swore under his breath then he stormed out of the room very red faced demanding his wife deal with things, he had to get to the office, then the front door slammed shut. A few seconds later he was back sheepishly asking if I could move my car.
As I came back into the house, his wife appeared looking a little embarrassed in a set of loose sweat pants and top, "I'm so sorry about my husband. He thinks the world revolves around him and everyone else is at fault. Can I get you a coffee?"
I accepted the offer and started changing the cables around so they could watch the TV without the video in place. Once it was all set up I flicked through the channels and found one of the kids channels, the two monsters heard it and came rushing in.
"Oh thank you so much!" she gasped, as she came back in with the coffee, "they feed off his stress and get themselves wound up if they can't get what they want. I'll let them watch it for a bit, whilst I get showered and cleaned up. Then the Nanny is taking them out for the afternoon. His Lordship wants me to go to John Lewis and buy a new video recorder! Come through to the kitchen to finish your coffee."
We sat chatting in the kitchen as I explained the system set up and how to contact us if there were any more issues.
"Would you by any chance be able pop back later this afternoon, to set the new video up for me?" she asked looking at me pleadingly, "It will just defuse him when he gets home if it's all sorted."
I borrowed their phone to call my control desk (long before mobile phones were the norm!) and explain the situation, my afternoon call had been cancelled and they were keen for me to sort this one. Apparently he was some bigwig in one of our business customer companies.
"OK Mrs Hardy, I'm clear for the afternoon to come back and sort the video out. Seems your husbands company is one of our Business customers and they're keen to keep him onside."
"Oh please call me Becky," she laughed, "I hate being called Mrs Hardy make me sound like a middle aged teacher!"
"OK Becky, how about I come back in a couple of hours," I said, "I'll take a long lunch and catch up on my paperwork."
Before I realised she had stepped forward and was hugging me, kissing me on the cheek, "Thank you so much! Here, give this to the barman at The Plough down the road and tell him Becky said lunch was on us."
I looked at the business card, it was one of Becky's advertising her photography services.
I drove down to the pub and wandered in, finding the barman and explaining the situation. "No problem mate, you probably need a pint if you've been dealing with old stroppy pants Teddy, right grumpy sod he is, unlike his missus. Don't know what she see in him, besides his money that is!"
Needless to say I did enjoy a pint, despite the company rules, and a very nice fish and chip lunch in their lovely pub garden soaking up the sun. I finished my paperwork and was just thinking about heading back when the barman called across the garden. "Becky just rang to say she is back with the new video if you've finished your lunch."
I thanked him and headed back to the car, and drove back to the house. I was hoping this was going to be a nice quick job and then I could sneak off for an early finish.
Becky opened the door and led me through to the lounge again, only this time she was wearing a short summer dress that showed her figure off much better than the sweats she had been wearing earlier. She showed me the box with the new video in it and I opened everything up.
"Would you like a cold drink?" she asked, "I'm just going to make myself one to take into the garden."
I accepted the offer and knelt down to start unpacking the video. A few minutes later she reappeared with a glass of cold coke. I looked up to take it from her, noticing that several buttons on the bottom half of her dress were undone, giving a nice glimpse of shapely thigh as she walked towards me. I tried not to stare, but it was too much of a tempting sight. She grinned at me, knowing I was looking and headed back through the kitchen and out into the garden.
Half an hour later and I had everything set up, the more modern video being quite easy to configure. I looked in the drawers in the unit for a cassette to check that playback came up on the screen ok, found one labelled "exhibition" and slotted it in, thinking it was a promotion video for his company or something. Well it definitely fell into the "or something" category. Some sensual music started from the speakers and then suddenly the screen filled with an image of Becky in a basque and stockings, dancing in the living room.
"Oh God!" came a scream as she ran in from the garden.
"I'm sorry," I gasped quickly stopping the tape, "I thought it was a company promo video or something."
"I knew what it was as soon as I heard the bloody music!" she laughed, "no need to be sorry. I really need to hide it more carefully. Teddy likes to film me dancing for him."
"Well I can see why...." I started to say as I looked around for the first time since she came in the room. My jaw dropped as I saw she had lost the dress and was stood there in a very skimpy black bikini.
