I pull my panties and leggings up and then turn back to Chris, pressing myself against him and putting my lips to his once more. Despite having found such a potent release just a few minutes prior, my body already aches for more attention from my new found lover. From the way he kisses me, it appears to be mutual.
We start to move from the breakfast bar in the kitchen, refusing to break the kiss as we leave and head towards the stairs that will lead us to... well, I can't decide where to have him next, but there's plenty of spare rooms in the house for us to have fun in.
Just as we reach the stairs a buzz comes from the pocket of Chris' jeans. We stop and he quickly pulls out the phone, the illusion of the moment paused for a time while he looks at the screen.
"It's the school" he says with a frown, and presses the green button to answer it.
While he speaks to the school, the tinny voice of the receptionist just barely audible, I bite my lower lip and pull my top up to cover my breasts, the return of normality reminding me I'm half naked. I watch Chris nod and look concerned as he speaks, and determine that whatever the reason the school has for calling him, it isn't a good reason.
Chris cancels the phone call and sighs. "Ellie has had a fall in the playground. Nothing serious but... I need to go and pick her up and take her home."
I bite my lip again and nod my head, understanding he needs to leave and be a father for a time but also feeling empty and at a loss. I know I'm being silly, but after so long of not feeling wanted, it's hard to shake the feeling of being discarded once again.
"I know," I say quietly and with a weak smile before he leans forward to kiss me lightly on the lips.
"I wish we had time for more Jen. Fuck that's the hottest thing I've ever done. But... you know."
"I know," I repeat, and we kiss once more before he lets go of me to put on his muddy shoes and thick coat. There's a moment of selfishness where I feel the need to go to him, unzip his jacket and tell him to fuck me quick, but I know it's unreasonable and unfair. I share one last silent look with him before he leaves and I feel a dark abyss grow inside of me.
It's a feeling that lasts the rest of the day. In the solitude of my home, a grand tomb that I've been sentenced to spend the rest of my life in, I struggle to find the guilt I should feel about fucking someone other than Joel. Not just fucking someone else, but enjoying it. Enjoying it so much I was ready for more the moment me and Chris finished our first sordid act.
That feeling of need for him doesn't subside as the evening arrives and I become a mother once more, rather than something most resembling a horny teenager. The distraction of looking after Jake helps me keep my focus away from Chris, and I can even pretend to be a doting wife when Joel gets home late.
Fucking Chris seems to have awakened something in me, even with Joel. That night I try to instigate something with him, only to rebuffed under the excuse of tiredness.
It only makes the abyss of loneliness grow inside of me. Instead, I spend time under our duvet, furiously sucking him off while thinking about how much I want to do this to Chris and how much I despise Joel for making me this unhappy. When I swallow his load, I leave to clean myself up and spend ten minutes in the shower pleasing myself with two fingers to the thought of being fucked hard by Chris.
When I release its not the same, and I know I need more.
The next morning I'm disappointed, although not too surprised, to see that Chris and Ellie aren't on the school run. I contemplate texting him and asking to see whether she's alright, but then I remember that he's not been in touch and perhaps he's regretting what we've done together.
The rest of the day, even with the cleaners around and making small talk, makes me feel more alone than I've ever felt. It's not what I've done that makes me feel bad, it's the thought of never experiencing anything like that again. To be something more than an object, to be something more than a mother.
In bed that night, once more I try to seduce my husband just so I can feel something close to what I shared with Chris, and once more I'm rejected. I grumpily tell him that I won't be going down on him again, turn my back to him and fall into an uneasy sleep.
Chris isn't on the school run the next day either and the urge to text him grows unbearable. Was it that bad? Is he feeling the guilt I know I should be feeling? I return home to the cleaners, who barely speak to me, and instead I spend the morning in bed feeling depressed with my life situation.
I must have drifted off, as I'm woken up around lunchtime by one of the cleaners who tells me that there's someone at the door for me. I frown and tell them I'm not expecting anyone, and make to fall back asleep once more.
"He says he's Chris. From school."
I shoot up from the bed and feel my heart beat faster. I'm not suitable for any kind of visitor, nevermind the man I'm lusting so significantly after. I tell the cleaner to head back downstairs and tell him I won't be long while I brush through my golden hair and tie it into a ponytail when I realise it's too unruly. With one last look in the mirror and a wish that I was perhaps wearing something more provocative than loose fitting pajamas, I head down to meet him.
He's looking up at me as I descend the stairs, and I feel my heart pound in my chest and my body tingle at just the mere sight of him. He doesn't smile though, and I notice the slightly nervous way he's standing. It makes me wonder what he's been thinking about these last few days.
"Hi" I say when I get to the bottom of the stairs, hand gripping the railing as I keep my distance from him lest one of the cleaners sees us a little too familiar. It's already plenty dangerous enough with him being here at the same time.
