(to Janet, forever unrequited; and Sarah, forever unattainable)
*
I can never explain the how, or why of this, but for as far back as I can remember, I've been captivated by girls inundated with freckles. Not merely a thin scattering across the bridge of the nose, but a dizzying display from head to toe; the more, the better. To this day, when confronted with that singular archetype of my libidinous desire, the physiological response remains unchanged: heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dry mouth, increased perspiration and tingling nerves. Can't talk or think straight; I'm completely overwhelmed.
That's the way it was the first time I saw Janet. There she was, first day in 7th grade home room; a willowy 14 year old girl with a page boy haircut and milky white complexion blanketed with a vast array of beguiling freckles. The sun left it's imprimatur anywhere it touched her; a teeming infinity of tiny flecks echoing the light brown color of her silken hair. I found myself staring at Janet and her freckles every chance I got. She was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen.
But, as a shy, awkward 14 year old with no idea how to act on this overwhelming attraction, I did nothing. My reticence was deepened by fact that Janet was constantly teased about her freckles. Given all my adolescent insecurities, I couldn't endure the peer ridicule that would occur if Janet and I became - well - boyfriend/girlfriend. So I did nothing. We would exchange pleasantries, occasionally superficial conversation, and I would steal glimpses of her at every opportunity; but that was as far as it went.
Then I was accelerated a grade, and advanced one year ahead of Janet. We'd still cross paths in the hallway occasionally, but were no longer in the same classes.
By my senior year in high school, I had begun dating and made the initial forays in sexual exploration with several willing girls. Yet I could never get Janet out of my mind. I fantasized about her heavily freckled naked body, showering it with kisses, sucking on milky white breasts, and making the kind of mad passionate love that elicits cries of ecstasy; but I still did nothing.
After graduating and starting college, I took a part time job stocking shelves at a local supermarket. Janet lived a few blocks away, and worked in the drug store across the street. I'd see her through the store window manning the cash register when I'd walk by on my way to work. Occasionally, we'd make eye contact. I would wave hello, and she would smile back at me. Then one day she stopped by my supermarket and finally, I decided to do something.
"Hey Janet, how's it going? You're graduating this year, are you staying in the city for college?"
"Hi. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to Hunter. You go to Queens, right? do you like it?"
"It's good; l mean, it would be even better if you went." That brought a smile to her face, so I decided to go for broke.
"So, umm, we should get together one of these days. Give me your number and I'll call you."
"Ok, I'd like that." She took a pen from her bag, as I handed her a discarded register receipt to write on. "Here" she said, as she returned the paper with a smile.
"Great. I'll call you when I get off work, maybe we can set something up for this weekend"
"Tomorrow's Friday, I'm free, I'm up for getting together." She paused, and added somewhat tentatively, "You know, I always kinda liked you"
"Really? I always liked you too. I'll call you as soon as I get home. Promise"
"Great. Talk to you later." As she walked toward the exit, my eyes stayed glued to her. Twice, she glanced over her shoulder and smiled back at me.
Finally, I was going out with my freckled obsession, and my heart was pounding with the realization. Moreover, she freely admitted she liked me; my imagination raced with possibilities.
I practically sprinted home after work and went straight for the phone. As I finished dialing the number, I felt a choking rush of nerves that nearly made me hang up the receiver. But, the line began to ring, so there was no turning back. She answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey Janet, it's me. So, umm, how about tomorrow night? I get off work around 6:30, I'll go home and clean up, we can hook up around 7?"
"Great, what do you feel like doing?"
"Umm, can I buy you dinner? I'd like to take you someplace nice, anywhere you really wanna go?"
"That's so sweet, nothing fancy, how's the Blue Bay Diner? It's close and we can meet there."
"Great, looking forward to it, see you at 7."
"Me too, see you there."
Friday night couldn't come soon enough. All I thought about was getting together with Janet. Would we kiss? Maybe more?
I didn't want to overdress, so I put on my coolest understated jeans and a plain black gap tee shirt, the basic uniform I wore when playing guitar with my band. I arrived at the Diner a few minutes early, and to my delight she was already waiting. She wore skin tight brown Capris that complimented her long legs, and a silky gold short short sleeve open neck blouse. Naturally, I studied her freckles. They were like cascading raindrops, sprinkled over her pretty face and running down to her chest, across her shoulders to the backs of her willowy arms, down to her fingers, even reappearing on her bare calves, and I thought to myself....god, how stunningly beautiful. If I hadn't masturbated before I left home as a precautionary measure, I would have had an instantaneous - and embarrassingly obvious - erection.
She saw me and smiled. I tried to sound charming.
"Hey Janet, you look really nice."
"Thanks, you do too."
As we sat down to eat, I was nervous that I'd flub the conversation, seeing as my thoughts were utterly consumed by the desire to ravage her freckled body. But we chatted comfortably, reminiscing about school and friends, joking about parents, discussing music and life in general. She was so easy to talk to, and shared my sense of humor. By the time we finished our burgers and fries, I found myself genuinely liking - in addition to lusting after her.
"Walk you home, it's a nice night?" I offered.
"Sure, let's go"
I paid the check and we left. As we crossed the street I took her hand. Her fingers intertwined around mine as she looked into my eyes and smiled.
I took a chance: "you're so pretty, I - I really want to kiss you."
She closed her eyes and leaned into me. Our lips met and lingered, and I felt a jolt of electricity surge through my entire body.
When we finally separated, she smiled and said "that was nice"
"Yeah, it was" I replied. I took her in my arms and we kissed again. This time, her lips parted as our tongues twirled in a playful dance. For that instant, it felt as if the world around us melted away, and she and I - connected by a kiss - were all that existed.
We continued walking to her place, hand in hand, comfortable in the silence. When we got to her front door, she turned towards me and I pulled her close. We kissed again; it was intense and lingering. When we separated, she looked up with a hopeful expression on her flushed freckled face.
"Do you want to come in and hang out for a while? My parents are away for the weekend, we'd have the place to ourselves?"
"Sounds like a plan." I replied.
As soon as we entered the hallway, we practically leaped into each other's arms and started necking like the sex crazed teenagers we were. As my kisses trailed down her slender freckled neck, she just managed to gasp "let's go to my bedroom"
Without missing a beat, I swept her off her feet and carried her down the hall until she said "here." She kicked open the door and we tumbled onto her bed, laughing and giggling between kisses. I straddled her heaving body and began to unbutton her blouse.
"Wait!" She pleaded.
"What's wrong?" I asked, surprised by her sudden reticence.
"Can we turn off the lights, I'd feel more comfortable"
"Why, I really want to see you"
She turned away from me.
"It's just.... it's just that I have so many freckles, I'm afraid you'll hate them"
I had to stop myself from laughing at the irony.
