I noticed her as soon as I arrived at this party I didn't want to be at. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my entire life and I include supermodels and 'A' list actresses, she was more beautiful than all of those. I also noticed that she was lonely. If she came with a man the stupid fuckwit had abandoned her. If I had brought her to the party, I would have stuck to her like a leach and not allowed anyone anywhere near her.
During the course of the evening several hopefuls tried to start up a conversation with her but she rebuffed them all. I thought of trying it on myself but decided against it. When it comes to women and relationships, I don't handle rejection well, which was the reason that I came alone to this party that I was forced, on pain of death, to attend.
My sister Jacqui is normally a nice person until she takes it on herself to match me up with one of her friends which is exactly what she was doing tonight. The friend that she had lined up for me was definitely not this goddess that I have been watching from afar, at least 5 metres. The intended victim was a nice enough girl, and I'm sure that she has a nice personality, but her only topic of conversation seemed to be her cat, and I hate cats. I don't really, but I can't see a future in living with a beast that only allows affection on it's terms and to hell with whether you want its affection or not.
Several times, as I took a surreptitious look at her, I noticed her hastily look away from me as if she had been taking a sly look at me. I didn't dare to hope that she could be the slightest bit interested in me.
Some of the guests had left and the crowd was thinning noticeably when another hopeful moved in on her, and he wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. She looked straight at me and mouthed the word 'help' in my direction so I walked over to where she was standing. "Honey, I think it's about time we left, you have to get up early in the morning to catch that flight." I surprised even myself with my improv skills.
"I'll just get my bag, I'll be a second." She left and the hopeful left as well. I was just about to follow suit when she came out of wherever it was she had put her bag and grabbed my hand. We clattered down the front steps and out onto the street.
"Can I drop you somewhere?" Ever the optimist, having got this far I was taking a chance that she had actually been abandoned by some idiot.
"If it's not a bother you can take me to the train station."
"No way. There is no way that I'm going to let a lady travel home alone on a train at this time of night. Where do you live?"
"Sandringham, it's too far. I'll be all right."
"It's not too far, I have nothing to do for the next three days, that should be enough time to get you home." We had reached my car and I stopped beside it.
"All right, I'll let you drive me home on one condition."
"Which is?"
"I'll pay for your petrol."
"We'll discuss it. Hop in." I had one of those fancy new cars that unlock their doors when you get close, start the engine and turn on the lights. Ever since I bought it I told myself that it was a moment of madness that made me trade in my old and trusty steed on this technological marvel. The destruction manual was marginally thicker than War and Peace and it took forever to read it, understanding it all will take longer. I haven't dared think about repair costs and servicing, the insurance premium was bad enough. I will give it one thing, it was a chick magnet. It told the girls that I had style, I had class, and more importantly I had money, but all of that was wasted by my lack of confidence with women.
"Does the goddess have a name?" I asked her when she had finished oohing and aahing over the brightly coloured lights of the dash panel.
"I'm Tiffany, Tiffany Atkins and you are?"
"Bradley Roberts. Now that the introductions are out of the way, just where are we heading?"
She gave me her address and at the next lights I typed it into the car's Sat Nav.
We had driven two Kilometres when I noticed a police car waiting to turn onto the road we were on at a set of lights. Driving a car like this means that you have to be very careful around the police, it's like driving a car dragging a billboard that reads 'mug copper, come and get me.' And this proved to be the case. As soon as he pulled onto the road behind us he hit the siren and his red and blues. I pulled over and stopped.
"What did I do wrong Officer?"
"Nothing, I've always wanted to pull one of these over just so that I can admire her." I got the impression that he wasn't talking about the car so much as my passenger.
"Admire away, but I do have to get this young lady home sometime soon."
"I'll bet you do. Okay you can go. Take it easy." I took it easy, wanting to prolong my time with the Goddess.
We arrived at her turn-off after having to endure the politely insistent voice telling me to; 'Make U turn where possible' or 'turn left five hundred metres'. I thought to myself that I should invent one that gets angry when you don't follow instructions and says things like; 'you fuckwit, you should have turned left back there. Why the fuck did you spend good money on me when you totally ignore me.' The only real benefit to be had from these things are if you are in a completely unfamiliar city or you're trying to find a house number in a dimly lit street, which was exactly what I was doing because the goddess was asleep.
"Where here." I touched her arm and she jerked awake.
I walked her to her front door and was just about to turn around and walk back to my car when she spoke for the first time in a long while. "Thank you for saving me tonight." She looked deep into my eyes as if she was searching for something. Then she launched herself at me, her arms went around my neck and she pulled my face to hers, my lips to hers. I have never been kissed with this much ferocity before and it surprised me, but before I had a chance to react she had the door open and was dragging me inside.