It started with a book.
The company I worked for had arranged a holiday gift offer through one of those warehouse booksellers. We could order any book we wanted. The selected book would be gift-wrapped, mailed and ready for opening Christmas morning.
I decided on a gift for my wife, Melissa. We'd been married less than a year yet; being married was more than I'd ever hoped for. To share your life with someone else was wonderful, the intimacy, the devotion, the togetherness. Oh and the sex, man! At the time, I really thought I had the tiger by the tail.
Every Friday night we went to bed early to make love to each other. We would hug and cuddled for a few minutes, and then I'd kiss her gently on the lips. My hands would rub her soft breasts beneath her nightgown. When she was ready she'd move her legs apart. I would position myself between them and support my weight on my elbows. It usually took a few tries before I was able to push into her vagina. I would push slowly forward until completely inside her. It was really nice. When she was comfortable she would kiss me and say, "I love you." I would then begin to move back and forth. After a couple of minutes, I would ejaculate inside her. I would kiss her and say, "I love you." I would be asleep in just a couple of minutes.
The only area in our marriage where there was a little friction was our religious life. I was raised in a deeply religious family. Daily prayer was a part of all my families' activities and we prayed many times a day; at meals, whenever we were leaving the house, and pretty much anytime you felt an inner prompting to speak to or praise the Lord. Melissa's family was not as prayerful as mine and she was not comfortable with this approach.
So the book I selected was about integrating prayer into your daily life. It contained simple practices to help one discover and enjoy an active prayer life. The package from the bookseller arrived, already gift-wrapped, a few days before Christmas. I placed it beneath the tree.
Christmas Morning was wonderful. I arranged it so that the book would be the final gift she opened. To help her appreciate the intention behind my choice, I prepared a little speech about how important I thought this book could be for her and for our marriage.
Melissa carefully unwrapped the book holding it behind the wrapping paper so that I unable to see it. As she silently read the front dustcover I could see her eyes widen, first looking up to me then back to the book. She began to flip thoughtfully through the pages. She sighed a couple of times then looked back to me - her eyes crinkled in a smile.
This was exactly the response I was hoping for. "I knew you'd like it. Well, actually I wasn't sure but I prayed for guidance."
"I do like it. I guess I'm just surprised." A big smile spread slowly across her face. "It's not what I would have expected from you. This is really for both of us, isn't it? Are we going to read this together?" She had the cutest expression on her face.
"No, I think you should read it first. Try some of the different practices and techniques. Find the ones that you're comfortable with, the ones that work best for you. After that we can do it together as much as you want. Then, if you get comfortable enough, we can do it with others."
Her eyes widen dramatically and there was a catch in her voice. "You want us to do this with others? Other people? Other couples?"
I could tell that this was making her a little anxious. "Well, only if you're comfortable. I'll be happy if it's just you and me doing this every day."
"Every day?" Her eyes were beginning to tear.
"Sure, but only when you're ready."
"OK. When do you want me to get started?" She sounded so excited I couldn't help but smile.
"Well, let's take it slow and easy. Like I said, I think you should start reading it first, try the techniques that appeal to you, and then try them with me. You might want to try a couple of different times a day, find the time best for you"
She swallowed. "A couple of times a day?" Her eyebrows rose high. "You want me to do this a couple of times a day."
"Sure, if it works for you, why not. Why don't you try it for a couple of days then we can try it together - would Wednesday evening be too soon?"
"Wednesday night. OK. And you think I should practice on my own whenever I want? As often as I want?"
"Oh absolutely! There really is no wrong time. And I don't believe you can do too much."
Melissa clutched the book to her chest and gushed, "I love you."
* * * * *
When I arrived home Wednesday, Melissa greeted me at the door with a very unexpected (although I thoroughly enjoyed it) and very passionate kiss. When I asked her what that was all about she said she loved me and wanted to be sure that I knew it. I told her I did and asked if she had been practicing. The smile on her face was incandescent.
"Yes! I've been practicing every day, sometimes twice a day. I've practiced twice today already."
"You have! That's great."
Her eyes became glassy and heavy-lidded. She chewed her bottom lip. "Would you like me to do it right now?"
"Right now?" She nodded. "Can we do it right here?" She nodded again and her eyes fluttered a bit.
"Except you can't watch me." She actually blushed. "I'm not ready for that - not yet."