I didn't catch a glimpse of Seth again that day, but when I was at my neighbors' house at night and the twins were finally in bed, I curled up on the couch and considered the situation, and the questions that were still nagging. If Seth had really managed to get back at Amanda for me – and I assumed that it had been him – did it mean that he really cared about me? He had seemed sincere when we had last talked, and angry at the thought that anyone might have hurt me. But why had he ignored me for a whole week prior to this one? It didn't make sense to me, and I intended to ask him when I next talked to him.
***
I almost refused to believe my eyes when it happened all over again the next day. I sat in study hall and stared him down for the whole class period, trying to get a reaction out of him. He had pointedly turned his face away when he had entered the room, taken out a book and started to read, and only once, towards the end of the class, did he look up at me. I could see that he wasn't mad, but he had a rather haunted look on his face. He had black circles under his eyes and his face was pale. The moment his eyes locked with mine, I understood that the look he gave me was one of apology, and when he finally lowered his head again, lips pressed together, I knew that this was all I was likely to get.
***
The situation didn't change in the next few days. On Thursday night, I was babysitting the twins again when Marisol called me there to tell me that Amanda Morris had been suspended from school.
"It's so strange!" she insisted, not noticing my lack of reaction to the news. "Nobody knows why it happened, just like when she was kicked out of cheerleading. Not that I'm not happy about it, but it's weird."
I agreed with that, but for a different reason. Did Seth think he could make me feel better by extracting revenge on Amanda? What the hell was he thinking?
"Have you made up your mind if we're going to go to the football game tomorrow?" Marisol inquired. I knew she wanted to go, and I also knew that she would stick by me and not go if I decided not to. I sighed.
"I'm not sure. I'll tell you later, if that's okay."
"Sure. I have to take a shower, I'l call you back in a little while. I just thought you'd like to know about Amanda too."
I agreed it was most exciting that we suddenly had Karma, and we hung up. I was feeling confused about this recent development, but that wasn't anything new. I just didn't understand Seth's motives, and I wished he would tell me what was going on with him. Did he succumb to some sort of social pressure? Was he trying not to hurt me? Neither really made sense.
A headful of red curls bouncing adorably just below my line of sight brought me back to reality. I straightened up and looked around the side of the recliner that obscured my view. The little girl skipped past it and bounced onto the couch next to me. I yawned involuntarily and looked down at her.
"Sarah, what are you doing? You're supposed to be in bed, sweetie."
She tilted her head and pointed her hazel eyes at me. "I can't find my bear. I think Jason took it."
"Don't accuse him without proof, let's go look for it first, okay?" I lifted her up into my arms, something I had done a million times before, but which was getting more and more difficult as she got older. I knew Sarah wasn't going to sleep without her bear, but I also didn't want her to start a screaming match with her twin brother. We turned the light in her room on and searched it together, Sarah crawling around under her bed while I looked in other likely spots. Finally, the phone rang again and I told Sarah to keep looking while I went and picked it up.
I almost dropped it again when I heard Seth's voice.
"Hi."
"Where did you even get this number?" was the first thing I managed to blurt out. He didn't seem irritated by that.
"Your mom gave it to me when I called your house. I need to talk to you."
"Okay."
"Is it okay if I come over?"
"What, here? Now?" His silence told me that that was what he had meant, and I considered it. The twins' parents had never had a problem with me having a friend over while babysitting, as long as it wasn't more than one and we weren't loud. "I suppose. Do you know how to get here?"
"I think so. I'll see you in a few minutes."
I hung up and shook my head. This boy was confusing.
Back in her room, Sarah still hadn't found her bear, so I finally went into Jason's room and asked her brother about the stuffed animal's whereabouts. Jason, however, seemed to be honest about not knowing where the animal was, so I gritted my teeth and started to search the other rooms of the house where the twins had played earlier. I really wanted the two of them in bed before Seth got here, to make matters easier. I was relieved when the bear finally turned up under a couch cushion, and Sarah made no objections to being tucked back into her bed once she had it in her arms. I had barely closed the door to her room when I heard a knock on the front door.
I was touched by the fact that Seth had been considerate enough not to ring the doorbell, but once I opened the door and looked at him I realized that things between us weren't alright again yet. He was wearing jeans and a baggy sweater in which even his big frame seemed somewhat lost, his arms were crossed before his chest and he was avoiding eye contact.
"Come in," I asked him and he followed me into the living room without a word. I checked once more in the corridor to make sure the doors to both twins' rooms were closed, then I went back to him and sat down on the couch, next to him, but not so close that our bodies would touch in any way.
