The Hunger

Authors Note: This is my ninth story and it is a fantasy of a guy I knew only online. We’d had cyber sex a few times and even though I knew logically that getting together in person was next to impossible because of the distance it didn’t take away from the passion I felt for him, or my desire to be with him, as you’ll see in the story.

As always comments are more than welcome and please take a look at my other stories.

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I lay awake in bed listening to my own breathing. There was nothing else to listen to. The entire house was silent. I was all alone in the house and it felt as though the house was trying to remind me of the fact with its still, dark, silence.

I glanced at the bedside clock. It was almost 5 in the morning. I hadn’t been able to sleep much except for the occasional half hour of sleep that would take me over, until for some unknown reason I woke up in the dark silence again.

It was almost 5. That meant that Devin would be home soon. He was working night shifts again which meant that, since his brother had offered to temporarily move out of the house while I was visiting so I could have his room, I was utterly alone. I never enjoyed being alone, no one did. But for some reason on this night in this house I felt it more strongly than I ever had. But, Devin would be home soon. We could sit and talk for a while until he got too tired, then maybe with him in the next room I wouldn’t feel so alone and I’d be able to sleep.

Of course, it wasn’t thoughts of him in the next room I was really hoping for to make me not feel alone. In a dark corner of myself, a part I tried to ignore, there was a yearning to lie down beside him in his bed and feel him wrap his arms around me and hold me close as I drifted off to sleep.

I knew I could never ask that of him, I knew I could never have that of him. It would be too complicated and neither of us needed that. We’d been friends for years with miles between us. We’d gotten to know each other and trust each other very well, but this was the first time we’d ever even seen each other’s faces. I’d taken a couple of weeks of my holiday time and flown down to Nevada to spend some time with him.

It was wonderful to be able to watch his emotions and thoughts dance across his face as he talked as opposed to just reading his thoughts or hearing his voice.

We’d had so much fun together, we’d hugged when I got off the plane and as we’d talked we would occasionally hug or touch when needed, but I’d been careful of how much physical contact there was between us.

I was very attracted to him, with his tall athletic body and his soft blonde hair that went so perfectly with his beautiful blue eyes. He could crawl out of bed with a little bit of scruff on his chin, his hair looking like some giant hand had mussed it up wearing a pair of wrinkled boxers and a t-shirt that had definitely seen better days and his glasses half falling off his face as he stumbled around the house, and still look like something out of a wet dream.

He was one of the sweetest guys I knew, perfect in almost every way, even his flaws made him seem wonderful, but I knew I could never have him in any way besides friendship. I knew in a week I’d be leaving and might never be able to see him again and I knew from my own experiences that I wouldn’t be able to handle it if anything happened between us while I was here.

That didn’t change the fact that I wanted him to hold me, touch me, kiss me, lay me down and worship my body. We’d shared very intimate details of ourselves and out lives with each other, things most people would only tell a long time lover, but we’d always been open about things. He knew what he could do to turn me on in a heartbeat. I knew what to do to make him beg me to touch him, to give him the ultimate release. My body was dying to feel him, but my mind had stayed strong, knowing it would only end in pain and so I didn’t act on the urges that raged through my body at just the thought of him.

I knew I’d still be awake when he got home, I also knew that my body was dying to be touched and if he came home and my body was still feeling this high level of need, that my mind might not be strong enough to resist.

I closed my eyes and pictured him coming home from work. Locking the front door behind him as he came inside, then starting to remove his shirt as he walked towards his room. He slipped the belt out of his pants and undid the button at the top. He walked into his room and I could hear him getting undressed. I imagined him crawling into his own bed and under the warm blankets.

I imagined myself getting out of my own bed and reaching for my robe to slip on over my own nakedness. I walked into his room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “I’m lonely” I said in a small voice. Without a word he pulled the sheets back for me to crawl into the bed with him. I snuggled down beside him under the blankets and turned onto my side.

Without a word he turned on his side as well, spooning my body against his. We didn’t quite fit because he was a good 5 or 6 inches taller than I was, which put his knees into my calves, but our upper bodies matched almost perfectly. He slipped his arm around my waist and I snuggled back against his warm body. I lay there in his arms for a few moments before I felt his hand reach for the tie of my robe. I felt him undo the tie and slip his hand inside the robe to rest against my torso.

His hand was so warm against my cool skin that it made me want to take off the robe and lay my flesh against his. Instead I snuggled back against him more, but this time his body wasn’t all softness and warmth. I could feel him growing hard against my ass as I snuggled into him. At the feeling of his cock growing hard against my body I moaned low in my throat and shivered slightly.

His hand inside my robe pulled me closer to his body and I felt his other hand move my hair away from my head and his warm mouth trail along the skin of my neck. I felt him breathing low and hot against my skin and I wanted so desperately for him to kiss me, lick me, suck on my flesh and make me quiver.

By now my fantasy had pushed my already aching body over the line of horniness into pure need. My entire body felt like a large throbbing hormone begging to be released. As I imagined him rolling me onto my back and slowly pulling the robe away from my body I slipped my hands to my breasts, lightly trailing them barely above my nipples, making them tighten at the soft touch. In my mind it was his hand and mouth on my breasts and nipples driving me insane with pleasure as my own hands massaged the flesh of my breasts and rubbed and squeezed my hard nipples.

As my minds eye saw Devin moving his mouth down my body so did my own hand move down my body. As I imagined his tongue dancing lightly across my aching clit, so did my own warm fingertips dance across my clit.

My body was so full of sensations and nerve endings I felt as if I’d explode. As I imagined him slipping his tongue deep inside my cunt I moved my own fingers to my entrance and as I slowly slipped them inside my very hot and very wet pussy I could smell the strong, masculine scent of his cologne.

That confused me. My fantasies had never seemed real enough for me to notice scents. My hand slowed inside my body and my eyes grudgingly opened.

My body that just seconds ago had been a giant pulsing thing full of need was now full of adrenaline, embarrassment, and humiliation. I grabbed for the sheets and pulled them against my naked body as I looked up to see Devin standing over the bed looking down at me with something in his eyes I couldn’t read.

I didn’t know what to say. I was in his house, supposed to have been asleep, and he’d come home to find me masturbating in his brother’s bed. Even for me it was more than a little bizarre. I looked up at him without making direct eye contact. I didn’t know what my eyes showed and whatever it was I doubted it was anything I wanted him to see.

We stayed like that in silence for a few moments until he cleared his throat and said, “I didn’t think you’d still be awake when I got home.”

I looked up at him and could almost feel the relief that he hadn’t yelled at me or simply left the room show in my face. “I couldn’t sleep.” I said as I clutched the sheet to my body a little tighter.

I looked over at the bedside clock, it was only 5:15, if had come home at the usual time he wouldn’t have caught me. “Why did you come home early?” I asked, this time avoiding his eyes. I knew under the relief that he hadn’t been upset there was still embarrassment and humiliation in my eyes and I didn’t want him to see it.

“I called in a favor so I could get off a little early tonight. I didn’t feel like staying there any longer. I felt like I needed to be home tonight,” he looked down at me then, his eyes showing a heat I’d never seen in his eyes before, but that I’d seen in the eyes of other men when they were thinking about sex, but there was a tenderness in those eyes too that most men didn’t have when they thought about sex, “maybe now I know why.” He said the last in almost a whisper, as if he didn’t really want me to hear him.

He turned away from the bed and started moving towards the door. I reached out for his arm without thinking and he stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t turn to face me he just stood there. I didn’t know why I’d tried to stop him, I didn’t know what to say, I said the only thing I could think to say, “I’m sorry.”

He turned slowly then, his eyes still holding that heat in them, but the heat had faded a little bringing more of the tenderness into his face. “Don’t be sorry. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He said, again his voice was almost a whisper.

“There is something to be sorry for. We’re friends, I’m a guest in your house, and you come home and find me getting myself off in your brother’s bed. I know I’ve done some stupid and occasionally some slightly kinky things, but this goes past them all into being just wrong and I know that and I’m sorry.” I said and I could hear the desperation in my voice, feel it showing in my eyes. I needed him to forgive me for this, to be okay with this, for it not to change things.

He looked down at me and I saw a small grin show on his face. “You think this is wrong because you’re in my house and you were in my brother’s bed masturbating and I caught you?” He laughed then, but it wasn’t a humors laugh, it was an almost cold laugh, “Almost every night you’ve been here when I’ve gotten home from work I’ve come in here and watched you sleep before I went to my own bed. When I did finally go to my own bed I thought of you, naked under those sheets, your skin, how it would feel, smell, taste. I’ve thought of you every night and gotten off before I fell asleep. Most night I dreamt of you and woke up needing to clean the sheets because even in my dreams I crave you. Don’t feel bad on account of the fact that you finally let yourself do what I’ve been doing since you got here.”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe he’d said that, done that. I mean, he’d never showed any signs of sexual attraction since I’d been here, no lingering hugs, no heat in his eyes, he’d even seen me change once and shown nothing besides impatience because we were running late. Maybe he’d just been forcing himself to hold back like I had.

I looked up into his eyes and saw an almost physical pain in his face. His hands were balled into fists at his sides as if he were angry. I didn’t know what I’d done that had made him suddenly angry. I dropped my hand from his arm and pulled back on the bed until my back was almost plastered against the headboard. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but if he was angry and needed to lash out, I knew I wanted to be as far away from him as I could be so I didn’t get hit with any flying debris.

As soon as I pulled back the anger flowed out of his face, replaced with an emotion I couldn’t name. He took a half step towards me, looked at my face, saw the panic, and backed up again. “I’ve scared you. I’m sorry.” He said, sounding very much like a little boy.

He started to turn away again. This time I didn’t reach for him, I just said, “You didn’t scare me, I was just being cautious. I saw the anger in you, I just didn’t want to be in the way when you released that anger, but I know you would never hurt me.”

He stopped, turned just his head back to look at me, “I wasn’t angry.” He said softly. I sat up a little in the bed and the sheet slipped down my chest. I grabbed for it as quickly as I could but I knew he’d seen a flash of breast and still hard nipple. His eyes focused on my chest through the thin cloth of the sheet, as if he’d tear the cloth away with his eyes.

“If it wasn’t anger what was it?” I asked, keeping my voice low and even, trying to will his eyes back up to my face and away from my chest.

He did look into my eyes then and I could see the need in them again, “It was self-control. Seeing you there, like that, seeing what I saw when I came home, hearing you, walking into this room and smelling you, it’s all pushing my self-control to the limit.”

This time I laughed the cold harsh laugh, “You’re not the only one.” I said with a hint of bitterness to my voice that I wished I could have taken back the second it came out.

He looked down at me with those eyes still full of heat, but there was questioning in them now, “What do you mean?” He asked in that little boy voice again, as if he were afraid of the answer.

I pulled my eyes away from his and looked at his feet, “I mean that you’re not the only one whose self control has been pushed to the limit this past week. You think it’s been easy for me to see you and not touch you? You think I haven’t wanted to wrap my arms around your neck and kiss you? You think I haven’t had to force myself to stay still when all I wanted to do was to hold you, kiss you, touch you, feel you, and be with you? You think you’re the only one here who has desires? Your not. Tonight I was lying in bed and I knew my self-control was just about gone. I knew if I didn’t release some of my sexual need soon I was going to do something I shouldn’t, that’s why you found me laying here like that. So that when you got home I wouldn’t just jump you. So don’t you be telling me about self control.” I’d gotten angry. I needed to. I knew myself; I knew that for me anger could override any other emotion, including lust if I wanted it too. If I could stay angry with him long enough for us to both get to sleep in our own respective beds maybe we could talk calmly about things in the morning.

He looked down at me with a look of almost sadness in his eyes, “Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked, again in that little boy voice, so soft and so fragile that I just wanted to hug him and make it all go away, all the complications, all the urges and just sooth him. “Why didn’t you?” I asked instead.

He smiled slightly, “Good point.” He said with a little bit of humor in his voice. Maybe if he could joke we could control things.

I looked up at him and moved forward a little more, keeping a stronger grip on the sheet than I had last time. I sat closer to the edge, closer to him, looked up at him and said, “So, what do we do now?”

He looked down at me, I could see the heat was back in his eyes, but there was confusion to, and again that soft tenderness I’d seen earlier. I watched the confusion fill his eyes, then I saw the heat take over and before I could think of what that meant he leaned down towards me, put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me gently to him.

Our lips touched in a tender kiss. His lips were so soft and so warm. My brain said I should pull away, but the rest of me didn’t want to. Not now, not ever. I pressed my lips against his and felt his hand slide from the back of my neck lower, across my shoulders, down to my back as he kissed me. I pressed my lips to him harder, forcing him to open his mouth for me and the moment he did and my tongue slipped inside his mouth, the passion and need took over. I felt out of control, my body was in the driver’s seat and all I could do was lay back and enjoy the ride. And I certainly was enjoying it.

I kissed him with a passion so fierce he pulled back from the kiss and looked into my face, his hand still on my back. “We shouldn’t,” he said softly, as if even as he spoke the words he didn’t really mean them.

Part of my brain was screaming at me that he was right, that we shouldn’t do this, but the rest of me didn’t care if we should or not. “Your right, we shouldn’t, but I know if we don’t we’ll always wonder, maybe ever regret it. Besides, I want you and right now I’m not willing to stop.” Before he could respond I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled his head towards mine again.

He’d been standing beside the bed and only bent his head down to kiss me, when I pulled him down he lost his balance and almost fell on top of me on the bed. I looked into his face and saw the need in him and I knew at that moment that he would stop if I would. I knew he was stronger then I was. I knew he could control himself far better then I ever could. But I didn’t want him to control himself, I wanted him to let down his self control and take me like he had all those nights in his fantasies and in his dreams. The thought made a moan tear from my throat and he looked into my eyes. I knew he could see the hunger, because that’s what it was. It wasn’t passion, it wasn’t lust, it was a hunger. My body was like some ravening beast and he was the prey I would pounce on and devour.

I moved my face to his, to kiss him again and he pulled away. I put my hand on the back of his neck trying to force his lips to mine, but he was stronger then I was, so very much stronger. I had a mental image of his body ramming into me with all his strength and I moaned again. He leaned down towards me slowly and placed a single chaste kiss on my lips and pulled away, “I want you, but not here.” He said and I noticed that his voice had grown deeper with heat.

At first I didn’t know what he meant; my brain wasn’t up for logical thinking. Then I remembered that we were lying in his brother’s bed. As he began to sit up so did I. I stood when he stood and he looked at me. His eyes took in everything from my hair to my toes and I felt more than a little uneasy under that intense, evaluating gaze. He didn’t tell me I was beautiful, he didn’t run screaming, he simply smiled to himself and lightly kissed the top of my head as he took my hand and led me into his bedroom.

I no longer felt in control. I knew I’d go along with whatever he wanted, so I couldn’t be the one in control. If he changed his mind, if his self-control came back, I needed to be submissive enough to back off.

He brought me around to face him and he put his hand under my chin, raising my eyes to meet his. I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and knew this would change things between us. I also knew I wanted it anyway.

He leaned down a little and tentatively brushed his lips against mine. I didn’t kiss him back, but I didn’t pull away. I let him trail his lips lightly over mine and then pull away. He looked down at me and said softly with a hint of regret, “If you don’t want to anymore we don’t have to.”

I looked squarely at his chest and between gritted teeth said, “I was just about the say the same thing.”

He turned away from me and took a step towards the door and said quietly, “Then I guess this means we wont.” I took the step towards him that he’d taken away from me and put my hands on his back. I could feel the heat of his body through his shirt and I wanted desperately to pull that shirt out of his pants and slip my hands up inside of it, to feel my hands against the warm skin of his back. To finally see if his back was just as strong and yet soft as it always looked.