Early next morning he was gone. She hadn't heard the van pull out, but there was a vacant space in the car park where it had been the night before. Relief washed over her. Perhaps he was already safely offshore, shut away in his metal world far out at sea. When the van didn't return that evening or the next and the familiar silence settled on the flat next door she began at last to relax.
Slowly normality reasserted itself.
She couldn't help wondering what it said about her. Had she not been honest with herself? Was this something she wanted? Was that why she'd failed to resist. She dismissed the thought as absurd. She put it down to a simple aberration, something that must never be allowed to happen again. Though it worried her that when she thought about the encounter before the mirror she found herself aroused, despite herself.
Paul was gone for several weeks. As the encounter began to recede there were days when she began to think it had never happened. It seemed so entirely inexplicable that her mind turned away from the memory. She struggled to understand how the world that contained her relationship with Adam could at the same time embrace those few moments in front of the mirror. She knew how much it would hurt him if he knew. It came to her that she had taken Adam for granted, accepting his reassuring presence, and his ceaseless consideration for her well-being. For a while she tried harder to be nice to him.
It made no sense to be angry with Paul, she reasoned. She had done nothing to stop the encounter so she could hardly blame him for taking her compliance as a sign of encouragement. She knew he would come for her now. He was a man after all. He would want more. And that was something she would have to deal with. She tried to imagine what she would say to him when he returned. She would have to make it clear from the outset that the moment in front of his mirror was an aberration that would not be repeated. She would simply keep him at arms length. This decision felt like closure and for the first time in some weeks she slept as she had in the days before they met, like a child.
And then he was at the door late one evening, in search of milk.
She fetched an open carton from the fridge.
- How was the North Sea?
- Same as ever, he said. Grey. And cold.
She'd forgotten how much she liked the accent.
- I'll bring it back
- No, keep it, she said. We've got plenty.
- Ok then.
And he was gone.
Lena closed the door in disbelief. There hadn't been the slightest indication of what had passed between them. It was as if it had never happened. At first she was grateful. But as the evening wore on her relief was replaced by irritation. How could it be that something that had consumed her waking hours so comprehensively in the last few weeks,seemed to have made no impression on him at all.
Later that night as Adam and Lena were making love she was ambushed by an image of Paul. He was standing over them with his huge erect penis in his hand. She climaxed with a cry that took Adam by surprise and made him ask - absurdly - if she was ok.
- Paul's back, she said later. He came to borrow some milk.
Adam was almost asleep.
- I saw the van was there, he said.
She took a deep breath.
- We should ask him round, she said. What about supper?
- Could do, said Adam.
- Will you ask him?
Adam turned his back. Settled into the pillows.
- I'll go round tomorrow, he said.
