Part 19
Marcie's Therapy / Mark Entertains 2 Girls
The following day Marcie acted on Gerri's advice and found the therapist she recommended named Rudy Dersherwitz. We join them as he explains his theories on how to treat someone considered a sexual addict.
"Yes, Marcie all too often the therapist focus on altering sexual behavior rather than accepting and befriending this part of themselves and learning to control it rather than having it controlling them."
His words hit her like a blow to the head. And what followed Marcie found she agreed with almost 100%.
"For example, let's talk about the man who can't stop undressing women in his mind. They encourage him to manage his lust by self-policing how long he looks at a woman. Some call this the three-second rule. The assumption is that simply stopping the addictive behavior will bring him back to healthy sex. But this only keeps the focus on his sexual behavior, making things worse by putting him at odds with his sexuality and actually causing the behavior to increase. I have rarely experienced this to be a successful treatment.
"Their sex addiction model uses a screening test, which therapists can administer to recognize areas that are "problematic" within their patient's "arousal template." Patients are asked if they have purchased romantic novels or sexually explicit magazines, spent time and money in strip clubs, have paid prostitutes, or in the case of women, patronized hotel lounges for the sole purpose of picking up men or women for the evening. They are asked if they regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior, or regularly attend sex clubs, and whether they cruise parks.
And here's where I differ significantly. These so-called tests implicitly decide that viewing and purchasing romantic novels and sexually explicit magazines, or any of these other behaviors is wrong. However, many people do all these things and never have a problem. In my opinion such behavior is neither unnatural nor abnormal. Rather they are part of the panoply of pleasure available to us as sexual beings.
"So it is not in our nature to avoid these behaviors and or fantasies, but to control them rather than allowing them to control us."
"Wow!" Marcie said finally allowing herself to breathe normally. "That--that's great to hear, Doctor Dersherwitz."
Waving her off, the doctor continued. "Encouraging this kind of deprivation and limitation inadvertently contributes to controlling the patient rather than helping the patient gain mastery over their own sexuality. How often in our own experience have we found that when we are told we must stop some behavior, it makes the behavior seem even more attractive?"
"Yes, that's right!"
"I once supervised a therapist who believed that if someone was into spanking, something was wrong because, in her opinion, pain and pleasure should never be combined. This ignores the research that shows that, for some, pleasure and pain combined is and can be normative and erotic. One sex addiction therapist I knew believed it was wrong for a man to wear woman's clothing for sexual arousal because, "Why would the man want to humiliate himself in this way?"
We now know more about transgender issues and how normative it is for many straight men to enjoy dressing in women's clothes and underwear, and how it isn't at all humiliating for them. This therapist was using his own bias or belief system rather than the latest science to treat his patient, and needs to expand his understanding and protect the patient from his counter transference.
"Nowadays, using the framework of sex addiction is the last thing I might consider when someone comes into my office struggling with out-of-control sexual behaviors. I look for conditions and diagnoses such as anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, or bipolar disorder, to name a few. I don't zero in on the sexual behavior, and I encourage the client to consider his own values around his sexuality, and to separate himself from the values he has learned elsewhere.
"We as therapists need to self-reflect and evaluate where we stand on working from a sex addiction model, or whatever we believe to be healthy versus non-healthy sexuality, and make sure we are not imposing our beliefs and views onto the client. As well, a therapist needs to explore whether or not the client has been sexually abused or has one of a number of disorders. It's good to rule out things, but it's also good not to assume something is happening without consistent supporting evidence.
"The important thing that I have realized is it is best to come from a strength-based and sex-positive place and not from pathology and disease.
"Strength-based therapy is a type of positive psychotherapy and counseling that focuses more on your internal strengths and resourcefulness, and less on weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings. This focus sets up a positive mindset that helps you build on your best qualities, find your strengths, improve resilience and change worldview to one that is more positive. A positive attitude, in turn, can help your expectations of yourself and others become more reasonable.
"Anyone with poor self-esteem, or who has emotional issues resulting from an abusive relationship with a parent or partner, can benefit from strength-based therapy. This includes people with serious mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia, who can use strength-based therapy to build confidence and reduce the stress of living with such a condition. Strength-based therapy can be used as an intervention for individuals of all ages, couples and families.
"I expect to see you again, Miss Dolan, we have to delve a bit deeper into what really troubles you. So at our next session we'll tackle your sexual experiences, one by one."
"Yes I agree, Dr. Dersherwitz. I've always been a worrier, so anxiety might be the culprit, or it's possible I'm depressed. I haven't found the right job yet and have missed out on several opportunities. I'm not self-diagnosing, but offering avenues worth pursuing."
"Yes, and over our next few sessions we will look into those and other possibilities. However, for the present, rest assured you are not addicted to sex; you merely have a very healthy aptitude for it. The fact that you see your doctor regularly and are relatively careful with whom you partner support this ..."
He went on but Marcie was no longer listening. Her partners ... she had no idea if they were safe or not. __________________________
Marcie's sexual hunger persisted and Friday night after finishing her last set at the lounge, she went barhopping ending the night in the apartment of a mid-twenties guy from Tampa who was studying at the University of South Florida.
They didn't make it to his bedroom before getting started. He reached into her short skirt while they made out. His fingers stroked the lips of her pussy through her underwear setting her lust afire.
He was the first to get naked and had Marcie straddle his lap. It took him several tries to release the clasp on her bra, but once he did, he fed on her breasts, causing her to recall the feelings Gerri had wrought when she abused them the previous week. Marcie was cumming even before she rode his cock through the sheer black bikini panties she still wore.
He was reluctant to wear a condom, but she insisted on it and he capitulated, producing a box with seven condoms in it then allowed Marcie to put one on.
They fucked in several positions. Marcie lay on her back, knees in the air, shins horizontal. The impact of the thighs and cock transferred his momentum to her and made her body inch upward. The leather of the sofa stuck to her skin. Knees on either side of his hips, she leapfrogged on top of his erection. Marcie's fingers played with her clit as she knelt clutching the high sofa back while he pummeled her from behind. First he held her by the thighs to open here up then he held her by the breasts to bring her back. They both came hard this way.
Her partner was unusual in that he disliked having his cock sucked and wasn't one for eating pussy either. He was a competent fuck and nothing else.
The following night she went to a late night party with some musicians she knew and some she didn't. She hit it off with a bass player and left the festivities around two in the morning.
They took a cab back to his place and settled in his bedroom. His roommate was fucking his fiance in the next room. They heard each other once they got going, since the bass player was particularly energetic and the bed kept banging against the wall.
Between their two rounds of fucking, Marcie masturbated with an empty beer bottle after he bet her she couldn't do it. Laughing, Marcie took the $5.00 bet and wet the rim then pressed it against the lips of her pussy. The neck of the bottle dropped in almost at once. She held the thick cylinder below the neck and spun the bottle within herself. The bass player had looked on with interest and even used his fingers on her clitoris and labia when they flared around the glass.
Feeling giddy with lust, Marcie made a special show of it, using both hands to clutch the bottom of the bottle and wielded it like a dildo and fucked herself with it as hard as he had earlier.
As he handed her a five dollar bill, she gleefully laughed and said: "It's a pity the guy's penis doesn't rotate; fucking would be soooo much more fun than it already is."
_______________________
She saw Dr. Dersherwitz that Wednesday and he had her recount her earliest sexual encounters and then some. After Marcie finished he smiled and said, "So allow me to recap with some comments along the way. See if you agree with me. Or maybe you will not, but let us see."
"You're first significant experience was with Laura, Your college roommate, is that not so?"
"Yes, she--she helped me a great deal in acclimating to college life."
"Oh, she did more than that; much more in fact. She insisted that you lose your virginity to a male. Did she not?"
"Yes, but ..."
