Tears streamed down my face as I swiped my hotel room key and entered what would be my place for the weekend.
It wasn't the emotion, or reaction, I was expecting to have at the end of what seemed like the longest period of my life. You see, just earlier this week I received the news that I had long awaited—my divorce was finally final.
Until that point, I had been legally tethered to someone I still had love for, but was no longer in love with. We had been together for more than 9 years, 7 of which we were married. We had one child together, so I knew because of that we would always be connected, but my now ex-husband and his actions were no longer my responsibility.
There's no sugarcoating it. He was (well, really still is) an alcoholic. Being that I can't stand drinking, or even the smell of it, it's odd that I was even attracted to him. But I had fell in love with his conversation, his intelligence, how much he cared for his family, all of the things he showed with me when he was sober.
But, over the past few years, the sober moments became few and far in between. There was the drunken speech, falling asleep in the foyer (if he even made it inside the house), the frequent missing work due to hangovers and the eventual firings, the hiding of bottles, the lies, and oh, let's not forget the cheating.
All of which, according to him when he was drunk, was my fault. Then when he sobered up and saw his soiled clothing, missing shoes, or find that he is waking up in the front yard, he would make promises to get himself together, do better and be better to us.
Then it would start again. After pleading, begging, therapy and lots of girl talk, I kicked him out. Then officially separated, and now here I am newly single but definitely not ready to mingle.
I just knew I would feel relief, happiness, or even ready to go on the prowl (it had been over three years since I've had sex-couldn't bring myself to it knowing he had cheated). But, I felt none of that. Just sadness.
A coworker, who also happened to be a really good friend, invited me to a local benefit gala to get me out of the house and into a place with some good vibes. My mom volunteered to watch my son for the weekend and I decided to check into the hotel where the gala was being held.
As I sat on the really soft king-sized bed, all of the stress, worry and shame I felt seemed to come out fast and furious as I sobbed for what felt like an hour.
My pity party was disrupted by a sudden vibration of my phone. I glanced down and realized it was the alarm I had set for myself as a reminder of when I needed to start getting ready for the gala.
I reached over to the tissue box that sat on the nightstand and wiped my face.
"Leigh, you got to get yourself together," I said out loud to myself. "Get. It. To. Fucking. Gether. Chic."
It's exactly what I did. I took what felt like the best shower in a while and when I got out, decided to turn on my music playlist on my phone and jammed out as I put on make-up and got dressed.
I had purchased a black, sleeveless, fitted mermaid dress that hugged all of the right curves of my curvaceous body, made my butt stand out even more, and showed just enough cleavage to draw attention without looking slutty.
I stood in front of the full-length mirror in the room and admired what I saw. Since the separation, I had really focused on taking care of my health and started going to the gym. I still had a small stomach pudge, but my curves became better defined, my arms were toned and I was that fine thick. Let's just say, ain't a lot jiggling but the boobs, and one day some lucky guy (or gal...hey, I'm open) won't have to worry about being cold.
It's amazing what dressing up can do to make you feel good about yourself. For the first time in years, I made myself smile. I felt like a sexy chocolate drop!
Suddenly, my admirationfest was interrupted by my cell phone ringing. It was Ana, my awesome friend and coworker who invited me to the gala.
"Hola Leigh! I'm downstairs in the lobby. Are you ready? If not, I can come up to your room and wait if you'd like?"
"No that's okay. Just give me five minutes to finish up and I'll meet you downstairs."
"Sounds good."
"Oh and Ana?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for letting me be your plus one."
"That's what friends are for. Now hurry and get down here chica!"
The gala was packed with people who came out to in support of the local history museum. Ana, who serves on their board, left my side to work the room and greet donors. Being the wallflower I am, decided to make my way over to one of the high-top reception tables to nibble on some of the finger foods.
As I ate and people-watched, I could feel my sadness creeping back over me. I watched as couples held each other, as men looked at their significant others with lust and pride, and as women adjusted their significant other's ties or bowties.
Before I knew it, I could feel a tear slowly going down my face. "Dammit Leigh!" I thought to myself.
I took a spare napkin and used it to quickly pat dry the tear path before anyone could notice. I needed some air.
So I grabbed my purse and headed over to the outdoor patio which was much less crowded. I walked over to the railing and looked over at the botanical garden that sat adjacent to the hotel.
"I'm not much of a crowd person either," a deep voice stated as its owner approached the railing on my right.
"Yeah, I just needed some fresh air," I replied without looking at the guy.
"I feel ya," he replied.
There was something about the way he said "I feel ya" that felt so familiar. I glanced over and saw the guy messing around with his phone.
I couldn't get a good look at his face, but even the side of his face seemed familiar. I didn't want to seem thirsty or stalkerish so I looked away back to the gardens.
"Hey Leigh!" called out Ana who approached my on my left. "They'll be getting started soon. We should probably make our way to our table."
"Sure, let's go in," I replied and began walking with Ana back into the banquet hall. As we entered the door, I glanced back and saw the guy was no longer at the railing.
We settled in at our table and Ana introduced me to some of the other board members and their significant others. They were very nice and didn't ask any personal, probing questions. Thankfully.
The event's entertainment was a jazz band who played some of the classics as well as instrumental versions of some current songs as we ate the typical banquet food.
As dessert arrived, the museum director began the program followed by several speakers who either thanked everyone for their support or spoke of the importance of the museum to the community.
Then the museum director announced that he had a special announcement to make. Thanks to the organization's most recent giving campaign, the museum has raised enough funds to build an interpretive center to add on to the museum.
"That's amazing!" I leaned over and told Ana who was beaming ear to ear with pride. I know the museum is something near to her heart so it was wonderful to know that it was going to grow.
"And at this time, I would like to introduce you to the project manager who will lead us through this important endeavor," announced the director. "Jayson Rivers, please come to the stage."
