I simply could not understand why someone as handsome and young as he was would find me attractive in any way, let alone turn silly with infatuation over me.
Me, a fifty six year old Chinese woman, who wore make up lightly and had nearly no sense of fashion. I had been married 32 years and had devoted most of my married life obsessing over the education of my two boys and the health of my husband. I saw the world through sober eyes and understood fully what was required for happiness and prosperity. And all was working out, more or less, as expected.
To be sure, I could not honestly describe myself as happy. Nor could I say that my husband was happy. But all it took for us to understand that we were fortunate, and in fact to be happy for at least a few moments, was to remind ourselves of how infinitely lucky we were compared to so many people we knew -- or just compared to what we could be should a simple misfortune decide to strike us.
Sex was an activity that we engaged in out of silliness, it seemed, in moments when we had nothing else to do and were not too tired to fall asleep quickly. It usually happened out of the blue -- and lasted no more than a few minutes. Often it was masturbation, with creative variations always introduced by him, such as my inserting a finger in his asshole while he smelled my asshole, or him digging with his nose in my vagina, and so forth.
When I told him that the neighbor was showing signs that he had a crush on me, he seemed pleasantly surprised and laughed. He seemed to understand why anyone would ever have a crush on me and that made me feel good.
"Why would he have a crush on me?" I asked.
It was clear that he thought that my feminine vanity was flattered and that I was asking just to have him say pretty words about me. But I was asking because I simply wanted to understand. My understanding was clearly faulty at a very basic level and I needed an explanation.
"Why not? White men like Asian women, and you are an attractive, exotic creature to him," he explained.
"Exotic?" I was surprised.
"He probably masturbates every night thinking of you," he added, taking his penis out and stroking it. He was clearly aroused by the thought that another man was fantasizing about his woman.
