Tugging at my skirt, wishing I had worn the longer one. Damn wind! I had to pick today to try and make myself feel sexy and alluring.......ha! Cold winds blowing straight up my skirt to my crotch was doing nothing to help my mood.
Something is wrong with me. I am bored, restless and lonely. What mother and married woman tries to attract men while shopping? Me, I guess.
I see the old Catholic church on my right that I pass weekly......it has been so long since I have gone to church, let alone confession. I laugh to myself, thinking of how long I would be there confessing my numerous sins.
Pausing I rest my hand on the cold cement of the steps. Thinking what a way to spend the rest of the afternoon. Quiet, warm contemplation of why my life sucks!
I climb the stairs, wishing I had indeed worn the longer more appropriate skirt. Pulling the door open I quietly slid inside. Running my hands through my hair, I dip my finger into the holy water crossing myself I take the last pew.
Sighing I look around, well at least it is warm and quiet. I notice on my right the confessionals. I have never had the benefit of anonymity, my mother always made me go face to face. Thinking that would somehow make me confess more.
Taking my coat off I cover my purse with it. My heart is beating wildly. I slowly walk over to the confessional, I open the door quickly, sit down and close the door.
Trying to catch my breath, I feel like I have run a marathon. I am thinking maybe I have come at the wrong time, when a disembodied voice says,
"yes, my child?"
It comes back easily, "forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been many years since my last confession."
I made sure to emphasize the words years.
"How have you sinned?" Now I am stumped, kicking myself I try to come up with a quick response.
"Uh, I, Uh, I have fantasies of others that arent my husband" My heart is still beating rapidly and my palms become damp.
"What are those fantasies?"
"Sex with other men...." clamping my hand over my mouth, shit I didnt mean to say that.
"Why do you suppose you have those types of fantasies?"
"I, uh suppose because I want...uh I dont know"