The Refuge

Chapter 3

A first kiss

After that hot, hot bath, a light application of makeup, and a soul boosting call home to my son, I found myself parked outside one of the most magnificent houses I had ever seen. It was a split level monolith on the side of a hill, one of those sweeping villas that screamed money and excess. It was lit up beautifully in the gathering dusk to the point where I could see almost every detail of the sprawling two stories. I could see now what Jocelyn meant when she said they had more than enough room for me and my son.

I took a deep breath and looked at the dashboard clock of my silver Subaru Outback: 5:04. It was now or never, time to get out of the car, as I had told David I'd be here by 5:00 at the latest. I willed my brain to move my hand and open the door, but nothing happened. I literally could not move. My hands were glued to the steering wheel and my breaths were shallow. I was frozen with something, but I didn't know if that something was fear.

If I was honest with myself, a small part of me was secretly contemplating Jocelyn's proposal, especially after that little episode in the bath. Would it be so terrible? To live in this palace, in a place where my son would always be financially secure, get into the best schools, and I would have constant, uninterrupted access to the love of my life? Would it be that hard to move here, to give up the life that I'd built at home?

Yes, it would be hard to move away from my mother and sisters, whom I loved so, so much, and who had helped me through my time of mourning. My son and I had constant access to them. If we moved here, we would be just over three hours drive away. And what about his father's family? Would it be fair of me to take the last piece of their son three hours away? It would mean that he couldn't stay with them during these random weekends like this. Their visits would be regulated to school holidays and summer vacation. Could I take my son from them all? Would that be fair to my son?

And what about my students? I had been at this school site for almost ten years. I loved my school and I loved the youth in my community. There was a real need for dedicated teachers that understood the needs of our underprivileged youth. Being born and raised in the rural community that I worked gave me the distinct advantage of understanding my students needs where other teachers may not be able to. How could I leave this school and the department in which I was chair, a place where I had spent the last ten years molding in order to embrace the needs of my community?

I rested my head on the steering wheel, going over and over these thoughts. I jumped out of my skin when my door opened suddenly. I let out a half-strangled yelp and looked into the eyes of the one and only David.

"Oh my god, you scared the pants off of me." I clutched my chest, my heart pounding.

"If only, gorgeous," he smirked and I felt my blood rise in my cheeks. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." I looked at him shrewdly, still feeling abused over the fright he gave me. He was dressed in dark jeans again with that navy blue fleece, his hair slightly damp from the mist that hinted at rain later to come. He looked like a Roman god come to life and my mouth went dry.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I was getting incredibly anxious over whether or not you were going to come, so I decided to take a little walk to work out the nerves, and miracles of miracles, here you are. So," he held out his hand, "are you coming out of there?"

I bit my lip and looked at his hand, then looked at his face and he smiled that winsome smile I couldn't resist. I took his hand and let him pull me from the car and into his arms. He squeezed me, his hands moving up my back. I buried my face into his neck and breathed him in. He smelled like rain, an expensive cologne, and that smell that belonged only to David. I felt him breathe in the top of my head before sighing and pulling back to look down into my face. His eyes roved over me, then he dipped his head and pressed his lips to mine. His lips were warm and soft and oh so tender. I opened my mouth and tasted him, dragging my tongue across his bottom lip. He groaned into my mouth and clutched me, kissing me deeply and thoroughly. We broke apart, breathing heavy and I felt him hot and hard, pressing incessantly against my hip.

"Damn," he breathed. "I'm ready to jump you in the driveway from just a kiss, like yesterday. Though your kisses are never just a kiss, are they?" He stared down into my eyes for a moment, searchingly and I felt as if I was laid bare before him. No, our kisses have never been just a kiss.

"Ok," he reluctantly pulled away, allowing me to grab my purse from the car and shut the door. I locked the car with a click of my keys and dropped them in my purse. He pulled me by the hand up the driveway and across the little stepping stones to the front door.

"You're house is breathtaking," I said as I followed along.

"Thank you. It's definitely a work in progress. It was originally two stories, but I dug out the third floor and built it up, or down, whichever, with my dad's and my brothers' help. You remember my younger brothers?" Did I ever. They were miniature David's, though with varying hair and eye colors. His parents made tremendously beautiful men.

"We had fun, it was a crazy amount of work with all the permits and chaos of digging out the literal foundation of a house, but it's... it's something special. You can't see it from here, though, only from the other side of the hill. It's like a whole little guesthouse down there now, with a little kitchen and everything. Perfect for when our family come for an extended stay or if we have some of our army buddies over. This is the original first floor, now technically the second floor, we are walking into."

He opened the front door to a spacious formal living room with wide open beams and a vaulted ceiling. There was an upstairs balcony hanging over the rear of the room, though I couldn't see any stairs leading up there. I could see several doors leading off from that space and I was curious to know how many rooms were up there. This room was swathed in deep gemstone blues, sapphires and blue topaz and beautiful dark wood. I gaped a little, feeling as if I had stepped into the cover of a magazine.

"Wow, the inside is just as beautiful as the outside."

"Thank you, Jocelyn has an eye for beautiful things, something we share." He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand, catching my eye with a smoldering smile and I blushed. "I'd offer you a tour, but the family is eagerly awaiting your arrival in the den. Can I take your coat?" I doffed my sea-foam green fleece, revealing the same pants that I had worn the night before as I didn't have much variety with me, but this time I had on the soft rose colored V- neck chambray blouse with three quarter sleeves that I would have worn the last day of the conference, over a blush pink Demi bra.

He led me through an archway to the right of the room underneath the balcony and into another large open space which was a dining room, kitchen and family room combo, featuring a large fireplace at the heart of the family room and a circular staircase in the far corner. This room was full of earth tones, comfortable seating, and his small family. Jocelyn rose to greet us, and David's two children sprang up from the brown leather couches along with a little liver and white cocker spaniel that bounded forward, snuffling and wiggling around my feet for all it was worth.

"Rosaline, I'm so glad you came!" Jocelyn pulled me in for a hug, crushing my softness to her hardness for a full minute before pulling back and presenting her children. She was still wearing that soft black sweater that felt like Angora, and her dark jeans. "This is Bree, she's 8, and this is Jamie, he's 10, and this is Buck, he's 3. Down Buck, back." She gently nudged the little dog away from my feet. "Say hello to Rosaline, children, Daddy's long-time special friend."

"Hi," they said with exuberance in that innocent way children had of being completely immune to any tension and awkwardness around them.

"You're even more pretty than Daddy's picture of you," Bree said as she grappled with the little dog, keeping him from leaping at me, and I gaped for a moment.

"Why, thank you," I said, but inside, I felt a little ruffled. David had showed my pictures to his children?

"Uh, yes, well," David said, smiling self-consciously. "You kids ready for dinner?"

"Yeah!" Bree shouted and ran to the dining room table. I gave little Buck a pat on the head and let him smell me. Once he had had a good sniff, he lost interest and leapt after Bree. Jamie was much more subdued than his sister and simply followed along. He looked so much like David that my heart squeezed. Same dark hair, same strong Roman nose and square jaw with piercing blue eyes to top it all off. He had nothing of Jocelyn in him, but Bree had more than enough of her mother to where they almost didn't look like siblings. Their differing looks made me silently wonder how our children would have looked, if they would be like Jamie, every bit of his father, or like Bree, every bit of me. I liked to imagine that they'd be the best of both of us.

The rectangular cherry-wood table with seating for eight was set with expensive looking dish ware, but the meal in the middle of the table looked like it had come from a delivery service. Jocelyn confirmed my suspicion when she smiled apologetically at me.

"I hope you don't mind take out. I'm not much of a cook and with our schedules we don't have much time to cook during the week anyway. It's from our favorite Italian place. David mentioned that you love Italian and the kids love pizza. We've got pizza for them, baked ziti and eggplant parmesan, and salad for us."

"I also said that we had Italian yesterday, so, sorry about that. And I know that whatever we could order in would pale in comparison to what you could make. Rosaline is an excellent cook," he said to Jocelyn, warming me with the praise. David pulled out a chair for me near the head of the table and I sat across from Jocelyn beside little Bree, David sitting at the head of the table.

"Why, thank you, David. But, this is fine, thank you for inviting me and for thinking of me. I do love all kinds of food, just in case this situation arises again. My tastes have expanded a bit since I was twenty." Jocelyn and David had the grace to smile apologetically.

Dinner passed in relative comfort despite the underlying reality that I was the 'other woman' sitting around my would-be-again lover's family table. Jocelyn had an incredible sense of humor and she had me practically snorting my white wine that David had opened and poured for us across the table with her descriptions of the detectives under her watch and their sometimes fumbling antics.

Bree and Jamie were also adorable. Jamie had much of his father's gentle humor and quiet strength, but Bree was a little sprite, telling story after story whenever her mother paused for breath. I wasn't grilled too much for information about my life, but I found myself willingly sharing information about my work as an English Language Arts teacher, and my son Bradley, whose personality practically mirrored Bree's. Looking at her I felt a little sense of longing for Bradley's enigmatic smile and silly stories, thinking to myself that he would find an instant friend in Bree. As a result, despite my nerves, I greatly enjoyed myself, put at ease by the warmth of David's family.

"Can we play a game, Daddy? Can we, Rosaline, do you want to play a game?" Bree bounced between David and me as we attempted to make our way to the kitchen sink with dishes from the table.

"I don't know, that depends if Rosaline is willing to stay a little later. She does have a way to drive before getting home."

"Oh, please stay, Rosaline, please? We could play Candy Land, please?" I looked down into her cherubic face, with her chubby cheeks and halo of chestnut curls. How could I say no to that face, even though I would be pushing it to get back home tonight if I stayed much longer. I could always head back to my hotel room for the night and leave in the morning, I reasoned with myself, weighing my desire to stay with my desire to not only see my son as soon as possible and regain some sense of reality, but to avoid the opportunity for Jocelyn to press her suit. Since she hadn't brought it up all evening, I decided staying would be relatively safe.

"Ok, I'll stay for a game, Miss Bree, but you have to let me win."

"No way!" Bree shouted before bounding out of the kitchen and into the family room where she promptly dug out and set up the aforementioned game.

"Don't let Bree pressure you into staying, Rosie. If you want to go, I'd understand." David said quietly to me. I studied his earnest expression, marveling once more at his sheer beautifulness. I couldn't resist stroking the tip of one finger down the side of his face, tracing the hard line of his jaw and feeling the new growth of his beard beneath my fingertip. A hunger for him gripped my insides and I knew the real reason why I was staying a little longer.

"It's ok, I want to stay." He smiled full and bright, his eyes warm and inviting. I was tempted to lean in and capture that smile with my own. We jumped apart like guilty school children in front of a teacher when Jocelyn stepped into the kitchen with the remainder of the dinner in her arms. I rushed to help her, taking a tray to the sink. When I reached to turn the water on she playfully slapped by hand away.

"Leave that and come play with the children." She grabbed my hand in that brisk way she had, and pulled me from the room. I caught David's eye over my shoulder and he shrugged with a smirk.

"Ok, kids, we have time for one game and then it's off to bath and bed. No complaints," Jocelyn said and surprisingly, there were no complaints. I guess her no-nonsense police officer tone brooked no room for dissent at home too. "While you all play, I'll go clean up, but I mean it. Don't start a new game." She marched off to the kitchen before I could even start to offer my help.

The game passed in good humor. I marveled at how well behaved and polite David and Jocelyn's children were. They were an absolute joy and while I smiled sweetly at their antics, I caught David watching me interact with them with a poignant look on his face. Every time I caught his eye, he would smile at me, soft and warm, and my heart echoed the unspoken sentiment.

After a while, Jocelyn returned to observe the last moments of the game. We all cheered as Bree danced around, clutching her little green gingerbread man in her fist as she waved it in the air, shouting "I won, I won, yes, yes, yes!" David picked her up and swung her around.

"Great job, Bree," he kissed her cheek and set her back down, turning to his son. He ruffled Jamie's hair. "You'll get her next time, Jamie."

"Yeah, yeah. She always wins," he said, though he too smiled down at his little sister. She was hard not to adore.

"It's the luck of the draw, son." David chuckled.

"Alright you two, time for bath and bed. Say goodnight to Miss Rosaline and then march upstairs," Jocelyn clapped her hands and her children jumped to obey. Bree gave me a big hug, shouting good night in my ear, but Jamie gave me a shy smile and said good night gently.

"It was so nice to meet you, Bree and Jamie. Thank you for inviting me to play. Good night." David gave them another hug, watching them go.

"So, I'm going to see the kids off to bed. Dave, why don't you give Rosaline a tour of the house?" Jocelyn smiled over her shoulder and then winked at us as she climbed the stairs after her children, Buck bounding after. I looked at David and he looked just as blown away as I did by that not so subtle hint to go find a room.

"Um..." David began, then he laughed. "I'm sorry about her. She's... and I know I said we wouldn't talk about you know what, but Joss is extremely stubborn. She has convinced herself that you are just one more dick ride away from agreeing to come live with us forever."

I rolled my eyes, but secretly, I wondered at what powers of intuition Jocelyn possessed for in reality she was very near the truth. Being here in the comfort of their loving family... it was so easy to picture Bradley jumping around in triumph with Bree over a round of Candy Land. It was so lonely, just the two of us in our little two bedroom house, and so hard to be the sole financial provider as well as the sole caregiver in our little home. It was exhausting, at times, working the long hours that I did, grading and lesson planning, and the meetings... oh the meetings! And then being a club advisor meant late nights and weekends too... and then all of Bradley's extra things... soccer and karate and music lessons.... Thus, the allure of Jocelyn's proposition, to be welcomed into this family with not only one adult to provide care and support, but two was very appealing. How strong would we be with the power and ability of all three of us? Our children would want for nothing.

David stepped closer and took my hand, breaking me out of my internal rambling. "You okay in there?" he asked, sliding the back of his hand down my face. I stared into his eyes, searching them for a meaning, for a truth in all this that I could find refuge in.

"Davey, is this really what you want? Both of us here at the same time? I know what Jocelyn wants, but I haven't heard from you that this is what you want." I held my breath, awaiting his answer. David bit his lip. His eyes roved over my face, catching every detail. He seemed to be going through an internal struggle of his own.

"I want to answer that question, but I want to answer it the right way, whatever that means." He smiled winsomely and I melted, backing off. He would tell me when he is ready. I'd just have to be patient, as he asked. "I guess, uh, let's go on that tour Joss suggested. Maybe I'll be able to think of the right way to answer that while I show you my other, other, other baby, this house." He took my hand and led me from the room and into the kitchen and then into an arched hallway off the kitchen.

"The family bedrooms are upstairs plus an extra room for the children's friends that sleep over from time to time, so four rooms in total. Over here, though," he said, stepping through the first door on the right, "is the office." This room was large and all dark cherry wood desks and furniture with maroon fabric and curtains. He walked to a desk set beneath a large curtained window, and stroked the gleaming surface. "This is my desk. I work from home, time to time, so I've got all the tech I need in here." He motioned to the state of the art desktop computer with dual monitors, laptop, and printer/fax/copier machine.

"That over there is Jocelyn's," he motioned to a desk beneath the other large window, piled with file folders and loose papers. "She's a bit more untidy than me, as you can see." He smiled apologetically.

"It's lovely," I said to ease his embarrassment over his messy wife. The entire left wall featured a series of built in shelving and cabinets, all with gleaming cherry wood while a cozy reading nook was built into the right wall, complete with book shelves and rich leather armchairs. The cabinet closest to David's desk was slightly ajar, catching my eye and bringing to mind Jocelyn's revelation of David's secret stash of all things Rosaline. I was oh-so tempted to peek, but my mother did not raise a snoop, so I resisted. I was aware of David studying me in that piercing way he had that made me feel like he could read my mind before he reached for my hand again and led me from the room.