"There he is." I thought, as I walked into the room where an informal reception was being held. "Damn, Damn, Damn..." kept running through my mind as I saw him standing in the center. "You are not attracted to him, he is your friend, you have a boyfriend." I repeated the mantra to myself as he abruptly ended his conversation and started walking towards me and I found myself taking the steps to meet him halfway.
I've known Tom for a few weeks, we had become good friends on this trip and had clearly established the boundaries of our friendship; we had taken a road trip and hung out without any problems, what the hell had changed? I hadn't seen him the entire weekend, and yet I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him and seeing him standing there had made my stomach drop. I knew the feeling was mutual, I could see it in his eyes as he walked forward and reached down to hug me hello. I could feel his muscles tense as I put my arms around his waist and he pressed me closer to him so that my head was pressed against his chest. This was not our first hug, but it was unlike any that had passed between us. For the first time I was aware of his swimmer's body and found myself wanting to trace all the contours of his muscles.
We were in the middle of a crowded room, we had to separate quickly, but as we ended the hug he let his hands slide across my shoulders in a subtle caress. We stepped back and tried to pretend that nothing had happened, that neither of us had felt the spark and the reluctance to let go. We were friends and simply hadn't seen each other in a while. That was it. We exchanged stories and caught up on the latest gossip. I don't even remember what was said, I couldn't really think straight. We stood there talking and it was undeniable that there was electricity between us, it felt like the whole room was watching us and just waiting for the sparks to fly. Neither of us knew how to handle it, the things we were saying didn't matter and we couldn't say what was really on our minds, so we both found a way to extract ourselves from the conversation and hastily moved away from the center of the room.
I found myself in a conversation with a group of other women, and the topic was safe clothes and shoes. I'd worn one of my favorite casual outfits, a black tube top with a short denim skirt and a new five inch pair of heels. How I could walk in those shoes was a favorite topic of conversation amongst this group and we'd been down this road many times, I gave the same responses I always did and wondered why it was such a big deal; I was simply more comfortable in heels because I'd worn them so long. As the conversation drifted around shoes I found myself looking around the room pretending I was just studying the crowd when Tom suddenly appeared by my side and put his hand around my small waist leaning down to whisper in my ear, "You look amazing, those heels make your legs look miles long."
I must've blushed as I thanked him, we'd never exchanged serious compliments, we were buddies damn it! I didn't know what to say next but I was spared as someone called me from across the room and I got engaged in another conversation. He let his hand linger on my waist as I pulled away to join the others and I could feel him watching me walk across the room.
The reception was winding down and I was grateful for the opportunity to get out of the room, someone shouted the name of a nearby bar and we all agreed to walk there. The one problem with heels, however, is that I rarely can keep pace with the group and it's common for me to lag behind everyone. I don't mind, and my friends usually slow down and walk with me. Today was no different, except that it was Tom who slowed down and kept me company. We walked companionably in silence for a block until the rest of the group was far enough ahead to not hear us.
"I missed you this weekend, what are we going to do about this?" Tom asked, clearly referring to the dilemma of our attraction.
"I don't know, I've been trying to deny it." Was my brilliant reply as I stumbled across some cobblestones forcing Tom to grab my arm. So much for always being able to walk in heels, I thought.
"I'm really attracted to you." Tom stated.
"You know how I feel about you, Tom, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I hedged as we got to the bar.
This was our normal hang out so it was not surprising to see everybody at the bar, even those who hadn't made the reception. What was surprising was how crowded the bar was and how stifling it was inside. I found my girls and made my way over to sit next to them, I needed to escape Tom and my feelings for him. I sat down and ordered a Long Island and tried to join the conversation, but my heart wasn't into it... I kept scanning the bar to see where he was and whether he was looking for me. We kept making eye contact but both of us knew it was better not to approach the other. I was grateful when the girls decided to go smoke, I went with them to get fresh air and found the object of my evasion standing outside with the boys. I stayed in conversation with the girls and he stayed talking with the boys, both of us were completely aware of the other; knowing each other's exact relative position. One by one, our friends started streaming inside, I couldn't face the atmosphere inside and I lingered outside with the smokers, as did Tom even though neither of us smoked. Finally the inevitable happened, we were left outside by ourselves.
"What are you drinking?" He asked.
"Long Island." I replied, as he raised his eyebrows and smirked.
"That sounds good; I think I'll get one." He said and went inside while I stayed outside; I knew he'd come back out. Long Island Iced Tea was our drink of choice on the road trip. We had gone on the trip with two other guys, and all pitched in for the car, the room, the gas, etc. We'd stayed out all night drinking and dancing coming back to our communal room at 6am. That night was one of the most amazing I'd had, I don't normally drink that much, or dance for that matter; but Tom had me on the dance floor until I thought I would drop! I don't know what made me order it, I don't usually drink it but he chose to read all kinds of things into it, and maybe I wanted him to.
He came back out holding his drink and still smirking, "It's really hot in there, wanna go closer to the river?"
The river was just across the street and I agreed thinking it may not be a great idea to tempt fate but I figured what's the harm, and we definitely needed to talk. We strolled across the street and sat down on the railing of the bridge, just sipping our drinks and watching the water. He was a ball of unleashed energy, standing up in front of me, and I felt the butterflies flutter in my stomach.
"I like you. You are the most amazing woman I've met. When you stood up the first day at orientation, I knew you were a woman. Every guy in that room was talking about you and how good you looked; we took a vote." Tom said and gently put his hand on my naked knee.
