My, ah, problem started when I was on holiday with my parents and I was asked to wander over to a neighbour's place to fetch my sister-in-law, who was ignoring her phone. I found her there with a number of other young ladies, skinny-dipping.
I had quickly delivered my message and, being heavily outnumbered, beat a hasty retreat, but not before opening my big mouth and promising to meet them all one on one. This, I realised, would be a damn sight easier to do if I knew who the various young lovelies were.
A little quizzing of Diana, my sister-in-law, got me the names of the various lovelies but not how I could go about meeting them. Apart, that is, from a suggestion as to where I might meet Isabel. I actually did meet Isabel and had a little chat with her, but I had no idea of where to find the rest of the girls.
Well, that's not exactly true. I knew where Maureen lived but it would take more nerve than I've got to just rock up at her parent's house and try to seduce her. So, effectively, the whereabouts of the girls was an unknown. I did know their names, though. They were Maureen, the twins, Debbie and Tricia, and finally Petunia, better known as Pet.
Not knowing where to hunt for them I shoved the whole thing in the too hard basket and went about my normal holiday activities. This was not to be taken to mean that I forgot about them.
The day after meeting Isabel my mother decided to go shopping at the local mall. With nothing else to do, stranded out in the country the way I was, I decided to tag along. Big mistake. After half an hour of shopping I was shopped out and my mother was just getting warmed up. I told her I was shooting through and that I'd catch a bus back to the farm if needed, so if I wasn't back by the time she was ready to go she should go without me.
Leaving the mall I crossed to the park next to it. It was quite an expansive park, continuing to the edge of the town. It occurred to me that if I strolled across it I'd be on the road home and could walk the ten kilometres to the farm in an hour or so. I might even get a lift along the way. The exercise wouldn't hurt me either. I strolled into the park.
Now this little town was quite dead during the day, everyone either at work, home or the mall. I was a little surprised to come across a young lady also strolling through the park. I moved a little faster and caught up with her.
"Morning," I said cheerfully. "Nice day for a stroll in the park, isn't it?"
She glanced over at me, did a double take, went pale and looked pointedly away.
"Go away," she said, and icicles formed in the air.
I did my own double take at that. It also occurred to me that the young lady looked familiar.
"Um, I think I know you," I said affably, ignoring the chill. "You're Petunia, the one they call Pet. I think I'll call you Petal. A much nicer description of you. You look as pretty and as delicate as a flower."
"I don't know you and we haven't met. Go away."
Boy. Talk about your tough audiences.
"Yes, we have. A couple of days ago at Maureen's place. No way could I forget. You were all gleaming white, standing out from the throng, and I could barely take my eyes off you, you were so lovely."
She flushed and glared at me.
"And is that what you said to Isabel before you tried to attack her?" she asked.
What you might call a 'say what?' moment.
"Ay? Attack Isabel? That's a base calumny. I have never tried to attack Isabel. If you don't believe me, ask her. Apart from meeting her on the road yesterday I've never even spoken to her."
"It was Isabel who told me," she snapped. "She said you tried to jump her when you met her riding home. She said that you were after all the girls you met at our pool party."
"Right," I drawled. "So I see Isabel riding her bike and try to jump her in the middle of a public road, where traffic could come past at any moment. Like Mrs Caruthers, who drove past twice while I was talking to Isabel. Can you really see me taking that sort of chance?"
Petal gave me a look that wasn't quite so severe.
"But you did make a pass at her and you did tell her you were hunting all the girls from the pool party."
"No harm in making a pass. I'm entitled to make them and she's entitled to catch them or let them sail on by. However, I definitely didn't tell her that I was looking for all the girls at the party. Even if I was, you'd have no reason to worry, pretty though you are."
She was back to giving me nasty looks. Didn't she want to feel safe?
"What do you mean by that crack?" she demanded.
"I would consider it unfair to try to seduce a virgin, especially when I'll be going home in a few days, so set your mind at rest. Even though I thought you were the pick of the bunch and would love to taste you, I fully realise that you're off-limits."
"Who told you I was a virgin?" she demanded. "Did Isabel tell you that?"
"Ah, not in so many words," I admitted, "but it was easy to see what she was getting at. Don't let it worry you."
"It doesn't worry me and she doesn't know what she's talking about," snapped Petal. "You shouldn't listen to a thing she says. She's just jealous of all other girls. Always running us down because she's got bigger boobs than us."
Bigger boobs, indeed. That I had to admit. A double portion was allotted to that young lady. I should know.
"You apparently listened when she said I attacked her," I pointed out. "Or did she say that? Did she, instead, make certain innuendos and let you draw your own conclusions?"
From her blush I'd guessed right. I laughed at her.
"Probably trying to scare both of us off, especially when I commented on how lovely you'd looked. She did mention something about small breasts but they certainly looked fine to me when I saw them. Um, I think you'd better hang on to that virgin tag for a while."
"Why should I want to pretend I'm something I'm not?" she asked indignantly.
"Self-defence?" I suggested.
"From you, I assume?"
"Well, if I'm the sort of person who'd tried and attack Isabel on the open road with Mrs Caruthers driving around then I'm capable of anything."
"OK. I don't believe you tried to attack Isabel. You probably wouldn't have to. Fending her off is more likely. And you've got no reason to try and jump me in the middle of town."
"A couple of minor corrections," I said. "We're in the middle of the park and quite secluded, for a start. And there was that littler matter of the pool party. Remember, you standing there all white and glowing, and me standing there with my eyes popping and wondering how I could taste the strawberries and cream."
