Session 2
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80 -90 year old women don't interest me. I live in HUD housing. Getting your life back together doesn't happen overnight. The place I live in is probably the best section 8 has to offer, however. A former nursing home, the place is sturdy, bug free and safe. The typical resident is in her 80s and will call the police if they see anything out of the ordinary. The place is very quiet and peaceful, a big change from the shelters in the hood I lived in for the past four years.
The ladies are sweet and I love talking to them. When they tell me I have lost weight or I am "looking good", it kind of creeps me out, however. I've seen a couple of women my age. They are average at best.
Session two with my surrogate partner is today. My sex therapist said to just be honest. The homework failed. It is frustrating as hell to keep trying to cum, get almost there, and it fades. I was able to cum two weeks ago with her, but she was right there. I could smell her. Almost tasted her. Alone, she was just an image in my mind.
What was I going through? I remember one of the first times I found a porn video of a woman licking a man's shaft as he came. It excited me so much that I instantly came myself. A hard, fast orgasm. I also remember going with my brother to a strip club downtown. While he fed the dollar bills to some skank, I moved to a different table that had a woman that seemed a bit older, but had amazing tits. Driving home alone, I couldn't stop thinking about her tits. I pulled out my cock while driving and came within seconds. I was a mess.
Now I can't cum no matter what I envision. It makes me angry and frustrated.
"Then the homework didn't go well," said my partner. She was wearing a loose fitting blouse and slacks. On an ordinary woman they would have been boring. She was a goddess. She could make a trash bag look good.
"I couldn't cum," I said. "I thought of you and came so close, but it wouldn't happen."
"Don't get too frustrated," she said. "This gives us insight as to what is going on. You claim you've had this problem for a long time. I think it has been intermittent. Certain things trigger it. The most likely culprit is your ex-wife."
"She doesn't hold a candle to you."
"But she was your companion," she replied. "It has been a long time, yes, but you are finally coming to grips with the fact it might be over. You also were probably intimidated by her. You said she could pull you in even when your sumo penis was trying to retract. she must have been a pleasure sexually."
I didn't think that was the cause, but the wave of anxiety that shot over me said otherwise. Once again I was shaking like a leaf. When my wife had kicked me out she had just been awarded her first black belt. She was in the best shape of her life. One evening she approached me in the bedroom and said, "Check it." She had her shirt pulled up and her white sweats pulled down to show her abs. They were tight. She also had pulled her sweats down far enough to see the top of her pubic hair. I hadn't seen it in some time. It turned me on tremendously.
"You are tight, honey. So tight, in fact, I want to make love to you."
"Now?" she asked. "Let me get the door. Do not let the kids hear you."
She locked the door and dropped all of her clothes. I was rock hard. I was small. I came hard and fast. She barely got aroused.
"You feel inadequate with your wife," my surrogate said. "That may be what is causing all this. She spurned you, but she continues to be friendly with you and even invited you to sleep in the same bed with her. Tell me. Had she asked you to make love to her, do you think you could?"
