Nerves filled my body as I drove home for the first time in over a week. Anne had given me Corey's number when we had gotten home from the bar, and while I had saved it in my phone, I hadn't yet reached out to him. I thought back to his touches and kisses and the way we had fucked against the fence. I had never done anything like that before, and it was freeing. I didn't regret it, although I wish Jason hadn't been witness to it. It was hard enough for me to imagine him with someone else, I don't know what it would have done to me to walk in on him with someone else. I still didn't know what I wanted. Jason? Corey? Did Jason and I even have a chance of surviving this? I just didn't know.
I pulled into the driveway and took a deep breath as I walked to the door. Turning my key in the lock, I pushed the door open and walked in. "Jason? I'm here," I called. I walked down the hall towards the living room and found Jason sitting on the sofa. He looked up at me as I walked in, following me with his eyes as I sat on the edge of the recliner.
"Hey," he said quietly. We stared at each other for a moment. Neither of us knew what to say, apparently. Finally, Jason spoke again. "I just wanted you to know, I broke things off with Rachel. I've seen her at work, obviously, but I told her everything between us had to be professional from here on out. She knows that you know, and she felt bad and said she respected my decision. I know I can't take back what's already happened, but I can promise it won't happen again."
Taking another deep breath I began, "About the other night at the bar. I had no intention of doing what I did. I swear, I spent the week at Anne's eating ice cream and trying to process what I'd learned and figure out what to do about it. I was trying to get my thoughts in order. I was a mess of emotions, sad one minute and angry the next. Anne was sick of me wallowing about the house, so she suggested we go out. She was trying to cheer me up. As I was getting ready, I was just getting angrier and angrier. I still had no intention of cheating on you. Then we walked in, and I was honestly already pretty drunk. When Corey walked toward me, I-." I stopped. I what? I didn't think of Jason at all. That's what. I was thinking about the past. I was reminiscing about those three months I'd spent with Corey when I was seventeen. It had nothing to do with Jason.
"What, Sam?" Jason coaxed me on. "I need to know."
"It wasn't about you at all Jason. I was mad, yes, but I was drunk and reliving memories from my past. It honestly wasn't about getting back at you, or hurting you. I just felt like crap for the past week, and in that moment Corey made me feel good. I felt wanted, and happy, and I wasn't thinking about you or Rachel for the first time in weeks. It was about me, not you. I'm sorry you had to see it though. I was so surprised to see you sitting there when we came out from behind those bushes. And I immediately felt like shit. But I was also still very drunk and still very angry. I haven't spoken to Corey since I left the bar that night."
"So what do you want, Sam? Can we fix this or not? Seeing you with him like that, it tore me apart. But, God, you looked so hot. I watched you dance with him. I watched him pull you behind those lilacs. I kept waiting for you to come out, and when you didn't I took a chance and got closer. I watched you reaching into his jeans. I knew you wanted him. You looked so fucking happy when he was inside you. And I didn't have any right to stop it. But I couldn't tear my eyes away. I watched the whole thing." Jason looked down at his hands resting in his lap. "Do you want to be with him, Sam? Is that what you want?"
