THE TRUTH IS IN THE DNA
by DG HEAR & PAPATOAD
I received an e-mail from Papatoad and he asked if I would like to collaborate on a story he was writing. I've always liked to collaborate with different writers and admit that Papatoad has always been one of my favorites. Here's our first collaboration. Hope you enjoy it.
DG Hear
"Major Turner. It's the Air Force Academy on line 2."
"Damn it, Cordetti. It's six AM and I don't even have my coffee yet."
"Sorry sir. They called three times already this morning."
As I sat down, I pushed aside a pile of papers that Cordetti had placed directly in the center of my desk. That meant they needed immediate attention. He had a good system because it kept the important things separate from the bureaucratic bullshit.
The amber light on the phone flashed steady and true. Even though I started work early to get things done before the duty day actually began, it never seemed to work. I fiddled around with a few pieces of paper while I watched the light flashing. Finally, Bennie came in with my first cup of coffee for the day. I sighed and picked up the receiver.
"Good morning. This is Major Turner. What can I do for you and why the hell are you calling so early?"
"This is Staff Sergeant Warner in the Air Force Academy Admissions office. I was hoping to get your help on a small abnormality that cropped up."
"Sergeant Warner, I'm an Avionics Squadron Commander on Guam. What information could I possibly have that would be of interest to the academy? None of my men has applied for the academy and I'm afraid that I don't know of any other applicants."
"No sir. It's nothing like that. The applicant has already been approved and accepted. In fact, he's near the top of the list for this year. The admissions staff just ran into a discrepancy when they were setting up his medical folder. I just have a few quick questions then I'll be out of your hair."
"Warner, I don't know a damn thing about medical records."
"Bear with me, sir. I'm trying to get to it."
"Sorry. I'm an impetuous bastard, sergeant. I'm always in a rush to get to the point. I'll try not to interrupt you again; I promise," I said.
"The DNA for the cadet and his father did not match. This has happened before and we usually have been able to come up with an explanation of some sorts, like adoption, or in some cases, infidelity. Because of the ramifications that might occur we have to handle things quite carefully."
"I'm with you, although I still don't understand. But keep going."
"In this case, one of the team requested a second DNA sample when it seemed there had been some sort of mix up. That turned out to be a big mistake. It didn't affect the applicant's admissions status, but apparently there was some disruption within his family."
"So somebody screwed up."
"Exactly. Corrective action has been taken to prevent reoccurrence, but that didn't undo the damage."
"Sergeant Warner, I hate to ask again, but what the hell does this have to do with me?"
"I'll try and get to that. One of the lab technicians ran a reverse paternity check against the cadet's file. It took a while, but your name popped up as a match."
"Sounds like some kind of glitch. I'm not married and I never have been. I have no brothers and I think my father was clipped thirty years ago. Whatever kind of match you got, it has to be erroneous."
"I made them check it three times before I called you, sir."
"What's the cadet's name?"
"Derek James Proctor."
The first thing I thought of was how the information so far was a nasty way to ruin a perfectly nice Micronesian morning. We had the same first name.
"Cordetti, get me another coffee, will you?" I yelled through the opened door.
"I'm sorry, Sergeant Warner. Do you have his mother's name?"
"Just a moment. OK, here it is. Katherine Ann Proctor, nee Willows."
Bennie gave me a curious look as I took the cup from his hand. He was the best head clerk in the whole Air Force. He stood by my office door just staring at me.
I guess it was because I was shaking my head and repeating my disappointment mantra repeatedly.
"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"
Nothing unique or clever, but my head clerk knew that it meant I wasn't happy. Memories filled my head, making me forget the phone that was still in my hand.
"Sir? Sir? Major Turner, are you there?"
"I'm sorry, Warner. I got a little distracted again. It's early here--the sun is just coming up. Now that we had our little talk, Sergeant Warner, what is it you want from me?"
"Sir, we would like to wrap up this admissions file. All I need is confirmation or rejection. I promise we won't bother you again."
"I'm afraid there are a lot of unanswered questions as far as I'm concerned, but they will not have any bearing on Derek Proctor's application. Mark me down as the biological father, but for God's sake keep a lid on it. Make sure that he doesn't find out until I get a chance to straighten things out."
"I understand. I'll classify the file until you give me the go-ahead. Sir, I'm not trying to be nosy or butt into your business, but were you even aware you had a son?"
"No Warner, I was not. I'm holding you responsible for keeping that under wraps."
"Just for your information, he is one of the best candidates of the year. You can be very proud."