Last summer, my boyfriend and I finally broke things off after more than a year of living together. Breakups are never easy, and this one wasn't either. But it was inevitable. He just wasn't a good fit for me and I wasn't for him. After the break up, I decided I needed some space from people for a while. The last thing I needed in my life was more drama. So, for the months that followed, I threw myself into everything I could to avoid new relationships or conflict with people.
In many ways, this was a good thing. I got caught up at work, something I have never done before. I spent a lot of time with my family and friends. I even went to the movies with one of my uncles, something I hadn't done since I was little. I also started some hobbies that I had always wanted to. I did all these things and more and life became better because of it.
However, as good as it was, something was missing. It wasn't that I was missing my boyfriend. He became a distant memory within weeks of the break up. I was never one to dwell on break ups and I came to realize I liked not having him and all that drama around. However, there was one thing I missed, or needed. I missed having sex. I mean, I was never one that had to have sex every day to stay alive or anything, but it didn't take long till I was really missing it.
I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about previous lovers. Flash backs of their chest, their arms, their butt and their penis would run through my head constantly. I would see men on the street and would look to see if I could see a bulge in their pants; see if I could catch them looking at me.
I started to watch porn on the Internet and chat with strangers about their sex lives in chat rooms. I found myself on multiple occasions watching men masturbating on cam in one of the yahoo chat rooms while I played with myself.
Over the winter, I decided I needed to get away for a while and take a vacation. Warmer weather was just what I needed. I called a number of my friends to see if any could join me. As my luck would have it, none of them could go. All were tied up with work, boyfriends, life, yada, yada, yada. So, instead of putting it off, I just decided to go for it and go alone.
Physically, I'm 27, with long brown hair and I'm a little thing. I weigh about 110 lbs. and I'm 5'4". I'm no model or anything, but I do OK.
It was a long drive and I did stop in Atlanta for the night on the way there, but I did finally make it to Miami around 3:00 in the afternoon. The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful. Mostly, I got settled into my room and took a walk on the beach. The weather was so nice. I had left Cincinnati at 30 degrees and slushy and here I was in paradise at 70 degrees and sunny. By nightfall, I was starting to wear out, but this was a vacation and I wasn't ready to let my days end early, so I went down by the pool where there was a little tiki-bar. I sat on one of the stools, and ordered a Pena Colada from the tanned blonde bartender.
As I sipped the cool drink, there were some nursing students laughing with one another at the bar. I wasn't sure they even knew I was there. I did listen in on their conversations, and they did seem nice enough, but they were into their stories with one another. I just sat off to the side quietly enjoying my drink listening in on whatever part of the conversation I could make out.
I hated to admit it, but I was already starting to feel lonely. I find sometimes that being single is a lonely life. I eat dinner alone most days. I do the same for lunch and here I was in paradise feeling that loneliness.
I wasn't paying much attention to things when a man stepped up to the bar next to me and ordered a beer. I guessed he was in his early forties, with dark brown hair, not really heavy, but he did carry a few extra pounds. He was wearing red and white swim shorts that still had sand on them and a tank top and like all the people around the beach, he looked as relaxed as he could be.
I was in relax mode also. All I had on was my bikini. At this point in the trip, I wasn't pushing the envelope of indecency too far. My bikini was white and a little skimpy, but it wasn't a thong and everything was amply covered.
After he made his order, he leaned on the bar, looked at me in the eyes and with a deep voice, said "hello" and flashed a great big shiny smile at me.
I was out with some friends a few months back and one of them was telling the story of how she got weirded out because this older man started gawking at her. This of course caused most of the other girls in the room to start telling their "gawk" stories. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I had the audacity to ask "was he handsome?" which was followed by stares of amazement from the whole room. Anyway, I guess the point of this is that I've never been weirded out by older men looking me over a little and to be honest, I normally welcome a little of it.
Back to my story, I know it was the wrong thing to do, but I gave him a beaming smile. The truth was, I didn't really care who he was or what he was. I needed someone to talk to and he seemed eager enough for the job. Of course it didn't hurt a bit that he had these beautiful brown eyes that seemed to twinkle when he looked at me. He seemed a little surprised at my reaction, and sat down next to me.
We exchanged pleasantries and all the normal stuff people talk about when they first meet and before long, the nursing girls went back toward the hotel laughing. So, I was left with the bar tender and my new friend Gary. The three of us chatted for a little while, and I found out that Gary was married and had two kids.
He was very engaging, I liked his smile and he flirted with me way too much. I know, most of you are saying to yourselves, what in the world are you doing, but this was something I just really needed. It had been so long since someone looked at me this way and it really felt good. Of course, I was on drink number 4 by then, so a little drunkenness can be blamed for some of my behavior.
The bartender was at the end of his evening and needed to close up the bar. He told us we were free to stay and chat, but that he had to close up and head home.
Gary looked like he was about to panic. He clearly didn't want the night to end, so he looked at me with those big brown eyes and said, "Let's stay for a while. Will you?"
I giggled and said "Sure. I've got nowhere else to be." So we ordered another round of drinks and continued talking and drinking alone while we finished our drinks.
I've been told more than once that I can be a little direct and pretty "no nonsense" and I was feeling pretty direct at the moment. I think it might have been the location. I mean, when you are a thousand miles from home and nobody knows anything about you or where you are from and you know you will never see these strangers again, I think it makes you do things you would never do at home.
All through the evening, I found myself sneaking little peaks at his shorts. I know it's perverted, but I just couldn't help what I was doing. Those bar stools are so awkward and as he sat there right across from me, legs all spread out, and I could almost see all the way up the leg of his shorts. Once, when he turned a certain way, I even think I saw his penis wobbling in there. Looking back, I can't even believe what I was doing, but I did.
There was a little pause in our chit-chat as I was avoiding his eyes and I just decided it was time to cut to the chase and find out why he was doing what he was doing and where this was going to lead.
"Why are you hitting on me so hard? I mean, I like it, but you have a family at home."
He was caught off guard. Up till that point, I hadn't really acknowledged his flirtations or really asked anything difficult, but, before we continued too much further, I wanted to know some more about what was in this guys head.
"Hmmmm....You caught me off guard with that, but, it's a fair question. I am obviously very attracted to you. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I can't seem to stop. If you like, I will stop and head up stairs and quit bothering you."
"What is your home situation like?"
Again, I think I caught him off guard. He almost seemed that he expected me to ask him to quit and go up stairs. But he gathered his thoughts a little and answered my question.
"Well, I have a great wife and two great kids and a pretty good life."
"You seem to get along well enough."
"Yea, we do very well."
