(Author's Note:
Apologies for those waiting on this one - it's taken a little longer to write for a variety of different reasons. Mostly some serious writers block, and then the fact that it's probably my biggest ever chapter. But there was a lot to cover, so... apologies if it's a little long!)
Hope you enjoy!)
I left Will's and headed home, my head swimming with far too many emotions to deal with effectively at once. The most prominent is anger. Anger at how he's treated me, how he acted. How far he had been from the man I had grown to love.
Love. I'd told him I'd loved him too. And that had silenced him. Shock? Embarrassment? I couldn't tell. And I was most likely never going to be able to ask how he felt now after all that had transpired. All I can do is softly tap my forehead against my steering wheel in frustration, wishing I could have those words back.
Hannah is waiting for me at home and, without getting into what fully transpired in my lacklustre attempt to save her marriage, I tell her that Will wants no part of raising her and Justin's child. I console her while she sobs and do as I said I would do - I tell her that she can do better.
"Honestly Han," I say soothingly, my arm around her shoulders as we sit on the sofa where I'd taken comfort from her husband after our mother had died. "Honestly... I think it's for the best. If you want this child, and that's what's important to you, then go ahead. You don't need Will for that."
"But... he must hate me. I hate that he hates me." she sniffs.
"I think he hates himself more. And... you can do better than him. You can find someone who wants this family with you. And if not... well, I don't think I'm doing too badly on my own."
I don't say Justin's name, but considering how I know he's always felt about my sister, I know that if she offers the chance for him to be in their child's life then he would take it with both hands.
Hannah stays for a little while longer, composing herself slowly until she's fit to drive home. She thanks me and tells me she loves me, and while I feel better about myself than I have done previously after fucking her husband, it still stings how I let her gush about how great I am after all that I've done to ruin her marriage.
And I am as much to blame as Will. As I get into my cold bed and look up to the bedroom ceiling I wonder how different things might have been had we not met on their wedding day. Will wouldn't have consummated the marriage that night, but chances are in the morning they would have. Han would have made it up to him and they'd have started their marriage off on the right foot.
I didn't sleep well that night.
A few weeks pass with life continuing as it often does. In that time a few things of note occur. The first is that Hannah tells Justin about her pregnancy and, unsurprising to me at least, Justin is incredibly positive. Hannah tells me over dinner one night how excited he is and how supportive he wanted to be. He'd even asked her out on a date, which she was a little unsure about considering how soon it was after what had driven the stake into the heart of her marriage. But I know what will come eventually - I can see it in Hannah's eyes.
That first thing directly leads into the other. While I remained silent with Will, and he with me, Hannah still needed to resolve and untangle her life from him. So it's of little surprise when my sister messages me one night to tell me she's officially Ms. Vokes once more, rather than Mrs. Kelly. That her marriage was over.
Will is single. He is, however, still painfully unavailable to me. It's not like I can tell Hannah what happened between us, and how I feel about him ever after how he treated me the last time I saw him. It's something I just need to try and move past, to ignore, and concentrate on being better than I have been before. Even when I really don't want to.
It's not like he's got in touch with me, heeding my angry words as I left his home of not getting back in touch. All I know is through Hannah or my dad, who tell me he's put their house up for sale. Everything else about what is going on in his life, and how he might be feeling about me, is a mystery.
Until it isn't.
It's been two months since I last saw Will and I'm in the process of cooking dinner for me and my girls when the doorbell chimes. Setting the gas on the hob down low, I exit the kitchen and head to the front door, pulling it open to see Will standing there with both his arms behind his back.
It's the last thing I expected and both the thing I dreaded most and wanted most all in one six foot plus package. I inhale and try to compose the complex feelings of seeing him again as he smiles somewhat awkwardly at me.
"Hi."
I open my mouth to speak, close it, then open it again when I think I've found the right words to greet him.
"This isn't a good time Will," I tell him weakly.
"I know," he quickly says. "I know. This will be quick, I promise."
He shouldn't be here. Why is he even here? And why are his hands still behind his back?
Before he can say anything else though both Gabby and Jo have come to the door and leapt to give him a hug. They scream his name, excited to see him again. I've not had the heart to tell them that they might not get to see their Uncle Will again, a man they hold so dear. I still don't know whether they will see him again, which makes this meeting incredibly awkward.
I cross my arms, shaking my head as I bite my lower lip and try to keep a lid on my temper. Gabby talks to him excitedly, her words rapid as she holds onto one of his hands, the other remaining behind his back. He's hiding something.
"Gabby! Jo!" I say, voice throbbing with anger which both my daughters immediately recognise. Jo turns back to me, face wide and innocent. "Mummy, can Uncle Will come to my birthday party?" she asks, bouncing excitedly on the heels of her feet.
"I don't know, Joanna," I say, wishing she'd not asked in front of him. Or even asked at all. Another reason to be angry at him, considering I'm going to have to let down my daughter and make her upset because he decided to come round and remind everyone he exists.
"Get. In. Side." I growl, and the girls finally do just that when they hear the frustration in each syllable. I hear them disappear back into the kitchen as I step outside and close the door behind me.
"Thanks for that," I say, turning my frustration to Will now. "I'm looking forward to having to disappoint Jo and tell her you can't come to her party. Can hardly have you attend the party considering Hannah's going to be there."
"And she should be there," he adds, head bowing solemnly. "I'm sorry. I am. For everything. But I didn't know how to best do this. So... I'm here now."
My eyes glance back down to the arm that's still behind his back. I feel like I know what it's going to be. "Flowers? Really? You think that flowers will make all of this better? After all the things you said to me last time? How you acted?"
