"It's 9:39 a.m., and I'm standing on the sunporch looking down on the bay. For what it's worth there's action there, sailboats, jet skis, and a couple of cabin cruisers churning out for Long Island Sound.
I'm expecting a call from my Ray Cohen any minute. He's the sixty-year-old prick agent that fucked up my contract with Warner Brothers. The phone rings, and I slide the bar.
"Danny my, man!"
"Don't get friendly with me, cunt. Did you get my money or not?"
"The money's in place. We need to pull a couple more strings...."
"What the fuck does that mean--in place? Get it in my account! I've got to say something, Cohen. For a guy who graduated from Northwestern, you've got rocks in your head. It's unbelievable. Get it done!"
I slide the bar. I think he got the message. I hope for his sake he did. I've about had it with these assholes taking advantage of my young ass. My douchebag father, Richard, is a piece of work, too. He hired Cohen. Richard keeps treating himself to Corvettes on my dime, and he's the one that found this condominium that we'll be staying in for the next ten days.
I gotta get back to Los Angeles after that, or I lose the option on my contract. I'm eighteen, but I play the thirteen-year-old brat on Tight Squeeze, the one that calls intervention lines and makes volunteer counselors believe he's about to kill himself. I'm having trouble making the weight, though, passing for thirteen. The show held a top slot for two years now, and I'm just about to get written out of the script. Never get tired of those blow jobs, though. The starlets can't line up fast enough.
And then there's a woman I spotted yesterday from my sun porch.
•
My telescope brought me straight into her yard, a straight line to her twat while she sat in a lounge chair wearing cutoff jeans. Her big pussy lips made her crotch all filled out and springy looking--like she'd jammed a balloon animal down her pants. She was sun-browned from the tops of her feet to the tint in her hair. She started doing some yard work: squatting, raking, pruning. By that time, I was on my way over. I stopped by her mailbox and gave her a chance to look up and recognize me, but she kept fucking around with flowers until I said, "Hey." She laughed like she'd heard the tone a thousand times before. And then she looked up, and I guessed she was thirty-five. She said, "Hey." She recognized me alright. She looked me up and down, and she knew I was sniffing around for pussy. "You're Danny Eltman," she said with a brilliant smile.
Yeah, she'd suck it.
"That's the rumor."