Knowing One's Self
ONE
I loved my little silver mini. It was my first car. At ten years old, it wasn't the newest, but it had low mileage, and someone before me had cherished it with loving care. Now it was all mine. The biggest purchase I'd ever made in my life. That probably wasn't saying a lot at eighteen, but it was a big deal for me straight after leaving school.
It wasn't just a car. It was a lifestyle. It was freedom. Suddenly, I could go anywhere without being beholden to a bus timetable. I could see who I wanted and when I wanted. It was independence.
Having a car came with another sweet little bonus. I got to wash and polish it every weekend. Now that may not seem the most exciting thing in the world until you consider the real reason for my obsession with motoring cleanliness. I got to see my neighbour.
His name was Rob and he lived alone. He was nearing fifty but he was fit as fuck and I'd had the hots for him since forever.
He'd always been friendly, taking time to talk to me and my mum. We'd been in his house for coffee once and at a New Year's Eve party a couple of years ago. Mum had been just as enamoured with him as I'd been. A single man with a nice car, a Jaguar SUV, and a home finished to show he had a comfortable bank balance. Mum was single, so we didn't have a lot of money. We got by, but there was no flash car or holidays abroad twice a year for us.
However, it wasn't Rob's apparent wealth that interested me. I didn't masturbate over his cash at night. No. It was his kind face and athletic body. It was those sculptured legs I saw when he went jogging. The shapely arms and strong-looking chest had me squirting all over my sheets. He was a man. A real man, not some weedy, self-centred youth who was only interested in getting drunk and laying as many girls as possible.
In my head, I'd lost my innocence to Rob a thousand times in a thousand positions. In reality. I was just a virgin.
I knew his schedule. It rarely wavered, and so, every Saturday morning at eleven sharp, I was outside with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge. It was always timed for his run, or more importantly, for when he returned.
My little car gave me something more than just transport. It gave me an excuse to chat to the one man who made my legs turn to mush.
"Hi, Rob."
I smiled as he came up the shared driveway, checking his Fitbit. My heart was already fluttering.
"Jess.
Keep washing that car and the paint will wear away."
I felt my cheeks heating. I cursed that. It made me look childish when I wanted to be mature and sophisticated.
"How are you? Good run?"
I sounded stupid, but it was the best I could come up with despite having practised every scenario in my head over and over. Inventiveness deserted me just at the moment I needed it.
Rob stopped and looked over my pride and joy. Or was it an excuse to check my legs out? It was summer, and I hadn't missed the opportunity of a little sun to don shorts to show them off. That and no bra. I didn't have very big tits, but they moved nicely under the material and just the excitement of looking at him had my nipples poking nicely.
"The secret is layers and layers of polish," I said proudly.
In feigned shock, he threw an arm over his eyes and staggered back.
"Oh my god. I'm blinded by the glare."
I giggled like a child in my infatuation.
"It isn't that bad."
He straightened up and stood grinning at me.
"No. It's not. It's good that you keep it nice.
Saves my electricity bill as well."
"How so?"
"Well, when the sun dips, the glare lights my whole house up with the reflection."
I giggled again and I didn't miss the dip of his eyes to where my tits jiggled.
"Stop laughing at me."
Not true. I didn't want him to. I loved that he found me funny. Perhaps he thought I was cute. I hoped so.
"Anyway, it keeps me fit."
I held my hands out wide, inviting him to look me over. I tingled when his eyes flitted down my body and I wiggled my butt to jiggle my boobs again.
"What are you? Eighteen? Be a worry if you weren't fit. Now me. I have to work at it, being old and decrepit."
"I don't think you're old.
And you are fit."
He couldn't possibly have missed the suggestiveness in my voice. Or my crimson cheeks.
"Careful. Talk like that will get me in trouble with your mother."
He started toward his door.
"I'll catch you later. I need a shower. No matter how fit I am, I'm not attractive covered in sweat."
"Bye, Rob."
I watched his tight arse disappear and swooned. I would so love to share his shower with him and squeeze his butt. I went back to drying off my car with a head full of thoughts about being invited in to apply my sponging skills to his chest.
That was it. The highlight of my day had been and gone. I might catch a glimpse of him from the landing window. Other than that, in the week it would be when he came home from whatever it was he did for a living, if I could engineer being outside at just the right times.
I finished up and went inside to find a message from Tara. She was on her way over. Fifteen minutes. I ran upstairs and took the world's quickest shower before she arrived.
Tara was my best friend from school. The only one I stayed in touch with. It was more than that. We were close to being inseparable. Too close, my mum had commented more than once.
Tara was like me, a frustrated virgin. She wasn't as slender as me, more what you'd call cuddly. Not heavy, just more rounded. Where I was a waif, she had hips and bigger tits. She also had the most girly of faces with big eyes and lips designed for blowjobs, or so we joked. And most important of all, she didn't have ginger hair. That alone had made her more popular than me at school.
We looked very different, but in many ways, we were the same. Similar tastes. Also, like me, she struggled to talk to boys. It hadn't escaped my notice that she was a little inclined to like girls as well. Not a lesbian exactly, but probably willing to give it a go if her drought continued forever.
It wasn't something that bothered me, but it was that side of her that Mum sensed, I think. And it made her wonder about me. I was straight. No doubt about that. The heart palpitations and my constant fantasies about Rob convinced me of that. I hadn't even considered girls as a possibility. Not that there was anything wrong with the idea.
However, we did have one secret mum wouldn't have been pleased with if she ever found out.
"It's massive." Tara sniggered.
I squirmed watching it go into the girl's arse. Yeah, we watched porn together. But that wasn't the thing Mum would be shocked at. I'm sure she was aware porn addiction was normal teenage behaviour. Especially when we had no one to put our internet education into practice with.
"Do you think it hurts?" I wondered out loud.
"I heard Jenny at school had to have her arse sown up after trying it."
"That's bullshit though. Kevin spread that around after she blew him out."
"Ah. But did she blow him before she blew him?"
"No idea. But the split arse story was made up. She wouldn't have been able to walk properly if it'd been true. We'd have noticed."
"Or sit down." Tara sniggered.
"Either way, I'm not doing that," I said in disgust.
"Not even a finger?
What if it was the gorgeous Rob's finger? Or ..."
"Nope. Everyone can stay away from my butt."
"Everyone is. That's the problem."
On that, Tara was right. It felt like we were the last two virgins on planet Earth.
Tara rolled back onto my bed, losing interest in the screen.
"How long's your mum going to be?"
