Trials Tribulations and Trains

It was Tuesday August 22nd in the year 2000, the time was 19:23 CET. I was sweating, and it was not from just the sweltering heat in the small room I was stuck in. I needed to figure this shit out. I needed a fix.

I'd already spent 23 minutes out of the 60 I had at my disposal. What I had to show for it, was a tiny little sliver of an opening between the firewall, the porn filter, the limitations of lacking software, and god knows what else I had ran into. What I had, was a forum thread, and I was frantically hitting the F5 button every 20 seconds to see if I had a response yet. Then I switched windows, and tried to work my way though the email I had with the other half of what I needed.

In the third window, I had another Internet Explorer window open, where a chat was ticking by with stuff that might have interested me a month ago, but at this point in time I was just trying to use it to springboard myself to the place I actually wanted to be.

So this computer of course did not have IRC in any form installed. Too big of a security risk. But what I did have, was a Star Wars chatroom that was technically not a chat at all, but a cleverly reskinned IRC running through java. And java, despite being a security risk too, was allowed, because it was needed in order to access online banking. So I had to work with what I got.

Now all I needed was for my clever anonymous friend who had been kind enough to help me, to get me that one last step.

The java bullshit version was clever enough to have all standard IRC commands locked out. I couldn't /nick and I couldn't /join and I couldn't /msg someone by nickname. Everything happened through clicks in the java window. But thanks to a kindly nerd on a forum, I knew I was on the right network. Now I just need the right channel.

27 minutes and 40 seconds of my time had been spent, when I finally had the message I'd been hoping to receive. I skimmed it, I copied out the string of code to paste into the browser, I pasted it into the address bar, I hit enter, and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when the chat window went blank, before the list of chatters on the right hand side got replaced by a new one, and the friendly neighbourhood bot greeted me with a very familiar join message.

I dashed off a quick thank you message to the kindly nerd, telling him it worked and he's a genius, and then I started scrolling through the list of nicks.

And then my heart sank like a stone. She was not there.

It was not fair. I beat the fucking system. I got to there. And she wasn't around. It was the right kind of time of the day. She ought to have been there. She wasn't.

Well. At least I got to the right place. I pulled a 3,5" floppy out of my breast pocket, and I used fucking Wordpad to edit my notes in the document I had there, so I had the recipe for getting back on again next time I could get myself some computer time.

Then I faffed about on the internet for a little, and visited what old haunts I could access on that over-sanitized piece of shit machine.

I was coming up at the end of my time, eight minutes left. The next guy who had signed up for the machine was already waiting, idling by the desk of the librarian and probably hoping I was gonna leave early so he could hog himself another few luxurious extra minutes of time online. I made sure to grab my diskette back from the drive, and started closing down different windows. I let my eyes skim over the chat window out of old habit, and suddenly all plans of leaving were gone.

There's a familiar name in the list.

<  Kenobi62743> There you are!

< Snoopy_Babe82> Uhm... Who are you?

< Kenobi62743> It is I, LeClerk!

< Snoopy_Babe82> More like Herr Flick!

< Snoopy_Babe82> What's with the new name?

< Kenobi62743> Long story. Will explain later. Just needed to say hi

< Snoopy_Babe82> Well. Hi. Did you miss me that much?

< Kenobi62743> Honestly? I kind of did

< Snoopy_Babe82> Awww... And you're not saying that just because you want to get into my panties?

< Kenobi62743> We've been over this before. They would be a terrible fit on me

< Snoopy_Babe82> XD

< Kenobi62743> Fuck. Sorry. I'm almost out of time here. I took me most of my hour to get this shit to work to be honest. Any chance you're around tomorrow?

< Snoopy_Babe82> Tomorrow? I'm working. Sorry

< Snoopy_Babe82> Thursday?

< Kenobi62743> Don't think I can

< Kenobi62743> Listen. I'll hop on around seven the days I can, okay? Please don't run into anyone creepy and change your nick in the meantime?

< Snoopy_Babe82> I can't promise that

< Snoopy_Babe82> Will you be on using the same nick? If I do I mean?

< Kenobi62743> No. Don't think so. But it will be something Star Wars and then some numbers.

< Snoopy_Babe82> NErrrrrd!

< Kenobi62743> Yes I am. But this name isn't my choice

< Kenobi62743> Fuck. Time's up

< Kenobi62743> But hey. I really did miss you

< Kenobi62743> GTG

And with that, I had to sadly shut things down, and quickly wiped the internet history, and left the computer to the Whatsisface from 2nd Platoon. I went by the librarians desk, and crossed my name out from the 19:00 time slot for the computers the day after. I wouldn't need it. But I would need a new one. Thursday I would be in the field as far as I knew. Friday taken.

"Hey, Corporal?"

"Yeah, what can I do for you?"

I lowered my voice.

"I really need the sign up sheet for next week. I really really need Monday at 19:00."

"Sorry. Rules are you can sign up from when I open at 16:00 on Monday."

Fuck it, fortune favours the bold.

"Yeah. I know the rules by now. Quick question though...?"

"'Kay?"

"What if I forget a pack of cigs on your counter for it? I really need this."

Our eyes met. The corporal's brows were slightly furled. I gave him what I hoped was my most honest face.

"Look man... there's this girl. I need this."

"Listen recruit. I can't run that kind of an operation. Just aint how this place works."

"Can't blame a man for trying?"

"Actually, I can. A little bit. But girls, man. Makes you do stuff, right? But still... Straighten up your act. I run three PCs up here, and I have 280 recruits rotating in every two months. I can't start doing people favours. Understand?"

"Yeah. I guess so. Thanks anyway, corporal."

And having come face to face wit an honest man, I was left with no other option but to kick dirt. So I did. And left the base library in favour of the barracks.

Things could have been better. But they could also have been worse. In my pocket I had a diskette, on that diskette I had what I needed in order to carefully thread the needle in between whatever lockdowns the military had on the system, in order to get hold of her. Now all I needed was another window.

* * *

Monday 16:00, the base library opened as it always did, on the dot. I wasn't there. I was busy doing push ups on the parade ground in front of the barracks, because Recruit Fuckwit had managed to earn the full platoon a good ol' hazing, due to him having one quarter of a brain.

After four weeks, officers were probably asking questions, such as "How the actual fuck did he get assigned here?" and "How the actual fuck did he even manage to do the aptitude tests without getting the pencil stuck in his nose?"

By the time we were allowed to fall out, I still needed another few minutes to square away my kit, and then change into fucking service dress, because some sadist had decided that this what was we were meant to wear in order to feel comfortable after duty was over.

By the time I got to the library, the sign-up sheet for Monday was full. So was Tuesday. Crestfallen, I ended up settling for Wednesday 20:00. At least it was something.

* * *

< Threepio83681> It is I, LeClerk!

< Snoopy_Babe82> Hiiii! Been quite a few seven o' clocks. They don't teach you that it is when the big hand is pointing at the 12 and the little hand is pointing at the 7 where you're at?

< Threepio83681> Would you believe me if I said that getting online in this place is a little difficult?

< Snoopy_Babe82> And here I am, allll alone in the computer room downstairs. Like I've been a few nights in a row lately

< Threepio83681> At least there haven't been any creeps for a week?

< Snoopy_Babe82> No. Well... This is the internet. There are always creeps. But none of them has been stalking or anything at least

< Threepio83681> You're hard to stalk, you know

< Snoopy_Babe82> Yes

< Threepio83681> I tried

< Snoopy_Babe82> And you weren't even good at it. Hope that's not something you need to know anything about where you're at. Where are you at by the way? Are you even allowed to tell?

< Threepio83681> The graffiti in the pisser downstairs tells me it is the place god forgot, the devil left, and the military took over to build a base

< Snoopy_Babe82> That bad?

< Threepio83681> In order to get here, you leave the city, you then drive until you can't see signs of human civilization. Then you take a right at the next crossroads and drive for two more hours

< Snoopy_Babe82> Are you just getting jokes of your system. Or are you actually not allowed to tell where you are?

< Threepio83681> I probably could. Name of the place wont mean shit to you anyway. And based on the stuff I bumped into trying to get online, I wouldn't be surprised if they might be snooping on what I do online as well

< Snoopy_Babe82> You mean that someone could be reading what we're saying to each other?

< Threepio83681> Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised

< Snoopy_Babe82> Why would they do that?

< Threepio83681> Because this place is where they invented paranoia, I think. But it probably has some weird name, like "Precaution, M61, Standard issue" because even tent pegs have some ass-backwards name like that in this place"

< Snoopy_Babe82> So who would be reading?

< Threepio83681> Probably some intelligence officer somewhere, making sure I don't tell our secrets to the Russians.

< Snoopy_Babe82> That sounds silly

< Threepio83681> This place runs on silly

< Snoopy_Babe82> Well. I'm going to call him Dan. Hi Dan the Intelligence Man!

< Threepio83681> Yeah. Hi Dan! Also, if I did something illegal doing this, I'm in B barracks, room 203, bunk 6 top.

< Snoopy_Babe82> (Why do I get a feeling that you're not?)

< Threepio83681> (Because that's the bunk of Fuckwit, I think. And he deserves it. And smart move, Dan can't read what's written inside parentheses, surely?)

< Snoopy_Babe82> (Of course not, that would be rude of him!)

< Snoopy_Babe82> Fuckwit?

< Threepio83681> Just the dumbest guy I have ever met in my life. I want to donate him to science. They can find out how it is possible for a human to survive without a brain from him

< Snoopy_Babe82> Oh. Wow. That good, huh?

< Threepio83681> He's gotten us all hazed like seven times so far

< Snoopy_Babe82> Hazed?

< Threepio83681> Doing something stupid or breaking some rule. And then we get to do push-ups until our fucking arms fall off

< Snoopy_Babe82> You know, that place you're in makes absolutely no sense to me. Why would you even want to be there?

< Threepio83681> Because in another six weeks, I'm gonna stop being in this place where we do basic training, and instead I'm going to hopefully go learn how to shoot down planes, and that will be fun

< Snoopy_Babe82> Wait... they sent you across half the country, to the ass end of it and then two hours into the wild from there after you make a right turn. And afterwards they're going to send you somewhere new?

< Threepio83681> Yeah. Here for basic training. And afterwards I'm being shipped to a new base, where I'll do the stuff I'm actually supposed to do

< Snoopy_Babe82> You know where that is yet?

< Threepio83681> Could be one out of four places. And depending on what I actually end up with as a role, I think sometimes it will involve shipping out to some school somewhere for weeks for special training

< Snoopy_Babe82> Really getting to see the world :P

< Threepio83681> All the various ass-ends of it, where the military has decided to have bases

< Snoopy_Babe82> And you'll be sooo happy when you get to third base, wont you? :P

< Threepio83681> Oh god. Don't even mention that

< Snoopy_Babe82> Why? Because of Dan? Will you get into trouble if I say naughty words?

< Snoopy_Babe82> Look! ( o )( o ) < -- Boobies!

< Threepio83681> I think I'm allowed to look at them in text form. And it's been so long it almost works for me

< Snoopy_Babe82> Ew! Aw! Oh no!

< Snoopy_Babe82> Wait... you're joking, right?

< Threepio83681> Do you really want to know the truth?

< Snoopy_Babe82> I... kinda do, actually

< Snoopy_Babe82> You know me :P

< Threepio83681> Sunday. Two weeks ago.

< Snoopy_Babe82> You find yourself a barracks bunny that fast? Aren't you just the irresistible stud?

< Threepio83681> No. Not what I meant.

< Threepio83681> Sunday two weeks ago, I was the only one in the showers, so I managed to sneak a quick little wank. And I almost died from it. Because that was the first and only time since I got here

< Snoopy_Babe82> Whaaat? You're joking, right?

< Threepio83681> Fucking ears perched, paranoid someone would walk in

< Snoopy_Babe82> You're telling me you've masturbated once since you left?

< Threepio83681> Yea...

< Snoopy_Babe82> It's almost been a month!

< Threepio83681> Yea... I am very very very well aware

< Snoopy_Babe82> How are you still alive? XD

< Threepio83681> Because if I die here, they'll probably revive me to yell at me for dying without permission

< Snoopy_Babe82> And if you had been caught in the showers?

< Threepio83681> If any of the instructors had caught me? I'd still be doing push-ups as penalty probably

< Snoopy_Babe82> They do that stuff?

< Threepio83681> Fucking every chance they get to have us drop and do 20, they want us to drop and do 20

< Snoopy_Babe82> So what I'm hearing is, you're getting big buff arms and a dick that is ready to explode?

< Threepio83681> Now now, not you and your dreams fantasies again ;)

< Snoopy_Babe82> So if I start cybering you right now, you're going to cum in your pants like some pent up little boy? XD

< Threepio83681> Fuck. Listen. I'm sitting in a library here. There's no chance of cybering

< Snoopy_Babe82> Boo!

< Snoopy_Babe82> First you tell me about you getting all buff arms and masturbating in the shower. And now you tell me you can't cyber where you're at? Make me start thinking naughty stuff, and then shut me down like that? You're sending me kind of mixed signals here :P

< Threepio83681> Pfffh. As if anything in the world is able to shut you down :P

< Snoopy_Babe82> Hey! That's rude! You're perfectly correct. But still rude!

< Threepio83681> But really, no joke. I'm sitting in a library. In my fucking service dress out of all uncomfortable things to wear in the world. The librarian dude can see all the screens from his desk. And there's a chance that the weird dude next to me from 3rd Platoon is sneaking peeks over at my screen every few minutes. Yes, YOU CREEPY DUDE FOR 3RD PLATOON, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU!

< Threepio83681> I mean, he isn't looking right now, but this would hopefully freak him out if he does :P

< Snoopy_Babe82> Go back a second. What's this about you in a dress? XD

< Threepio83681> Huh?

< Snoopy_Babe82> You said you're sitting in a service dress? What's a service dress? Does it have pockets and a tool belt? Do you have the ankles to pull it off? XD

< Threepio83681> Oh. OH!

< Threepio83681> Service dress uniform

< Threepio83681> It's... fucking blue suit pants, a light blue shirt, a fucking neck-tie.

< Snoopy_Babe82> Thought you guys wore like camouflage stuff all the time?

< Threepio83681> When we're rolling around in the dirt we are. But in classrooms or during my free time, I have to wear this stuff

< Snoopy_Babe82> Aaaw... And here I was imagining you in a camouflage dress with pockets and stuff

< Threepio83681> Again with your dirty fantasies

< Snoopy_Babe82>...

< Snoopy_Babe82> Now you're telling me that you can't touch yourself at all.

< Snoopy_Babe82> And then you have the audacity to start talking about me and my dirty fantasies?

< Threepio83681> Uuuhmm...

< Threepio83681> Sorry?

< Snoopy_Babe82> You know what mister? No. No sorry.

< Snoopy_Babe82> You want to know something?

< Threepio83681> Hey... Did I say something wrong?

< Snoopy_Babe82> Just because you can't do anything about it, and it will bother you endlessly... I have a fantasy. One I haven't told you about before. Wanna hear? ;)

< Threepio83681> I.,,

< Threepio83681> Shit. You know I can't say no.

< Snoopy_Babe82> It's trains.

< Threepio83681> Trains?

< Snoopy_Babe82> Every time I'm going to work. Every time I go into the city. I end up sitting on the train.

< Snoopy_Babe82> And I daydream, until we get to the stretches where that *thunk* sound from the wheels starts getting all rhythmical

< Snoopy_Babe82> And I keep on dreaming about how it would be, to be pressed up against the wall, with someone fucking me to that rhythm. Having dick inside of me to the beat of that thunking rhythm.

< Snoopy_Babe82> So poor little me ends up sitting in a train seat all by my lonesome, getting more and more wet, imagining...

Wednesday August 30th, a few minutes past 21:00 CET, I found out that you can sneak a real quick wank in the bathroom by the library if you just keep your ears perched for anyone and have sufficient motivation. And I had never been more motivated in my life.

* * *

It was Tuesday September 26th, at 19:00. I was finally back in the library. I was finally in the right place, and I was crestfallen to see that her name was not on the list of users.

But fortunately it was not for long.

< Darude_Girl_82> Waiting for someone?

< Artoo34661> Maybe I am, who are you?

< Darude_Girl_82> Good moaning

< Artoo34661> Hi. What's with the new name?

< Darude_Girl_82> Creep got too close. And you've been off for a long time. Really left me playing The Sims or chatting with randos for weeks.

< Artoo34661> Yeah. Sorry bout that. Whole platoon been confined to barracks, all privileges withdrawn. Fuckwit's fault.

< Darude_Girl_82> Funny story at least?

< Artoo34661> Happy ending at least. Last thing he did, was to flip the fuck out and tried to punch an instructor. So now he's discharged and we've seen the last of him.

< Artoo34661> But seriously, what's with the new name? Where do you get these from?

< Darude_Girl_82> Haven't I told you already?

< Artoo34661> Only that you change them.

< Darude_Girl_82> Yeah. Happens whenever some creep starts having any idea about where I'm from or where I go to school or where I work. Means it is time to disappear and get a new name.

< Artoo34661> I know that bit. But where does all the stuff come from?

< Darude_Girl_82> Second someone is too close, I just quit, and then when I rejoin I look around my room for whatever is in front of me, and last time it was the cover for "Sandstorm" by Darude. Last time it was the Snoopy plushie that's sitting on my shelf. When you met when back when I was Cactus, it was my little potted cactus that gave me the name.

< Artoo34661> That makes a lot more sense now.

< Artoo34661> So when are you going to be "Vibrator_Chick? XD

< Darude_Girl_82> Silly boy... that one isn't in the shelf above my desk, that one is hidden under my mattress. And also it might be a little too on the nose.

< Artoo34661> You would get ALL the attention though

< Darude_Girl_82> Yeah... Really what I want. You really do know me so well some times

< Artoo34661> Heey... I didn't mean it like that!

< Darude_Girl_82> I know. Just teasing