So, I recently came to the conclusion that I am, or more precisely, wanted to be Cuckold.
My wife and I have been wed for over 25 years now, and to be frank sex has always been an issue... I won't dwell on her past, but we have had to deal with more than the usual phases of a relationship and marriage.
My own problems started long before I met my wife. You see I am your proverbial Mr average. Cock of just about 6", not to thick, but not a pencil dick either - average.
Unfortunately for me I discovered porn young, thanks to my dads stash of mags and videos that I found, and scoured at every opportunity. This led to feelings of inadequacy when I compared myself to the stallions in the vids and glossy pages and yep, you guessed it, from there it was a short slope to performance issues increasing my feelings of worthlessness. My confidence and self esteem now in tatters, my thoughts constantly focused on what my girlfriends at the time were obviously craving for, but I could not hope to deliver.
As a teenager I was engaged to another girl before meeting my wife... during split-up sex with this girl I asked her if part of the reason for the split was because I couldn't satisfy her properly, which she confessed was true. She admitted she fantasised about sex with other men, with big cocks fucking her for hours on end, whoring her. She even admitted fantasising about my Dad...! Looking back this was the beginning... something clicked in my head that night, and since then my fantasies always involved other men owning my partners cunt. I very rarely imagined myself fucking other women when I jerked off... which is still true to this day... why would I when I know they wouldn't possibly want to be serviced by such a fucking dweeb - its a false prophecy.
Anyhow, back to my wife and my marriage... our first time wasn't great, but as I said she had issues of her own to deal with and at that time was looking for someone to love and protect her, and not a stud. That I could do. And be under no illusion here, I deeply adore my wife... like some soppy arsed Mills and Boon novel, I never want to lose her.
We persevered, but sex was sporadic and infrequent, then kid number one came along and the old tiredness excuse crept in, followed by kid number two and sex became a memory.
When we did have sex it was like shagging a slab of meat for the most part... I did all the initiating, she never asked me for sex, ever. I did all the foreplay... fingers, tongues, lips, caressing etc. She never touched my cock... refused to give head... just lay there while I slipped it inside her, normally in the spoons position, and then shot my load in her twat before sloping off, spent, to wipe my cock dry in the bathroom.
We talked about making more of an effort and we both joined a gym and lost some timber in the hopes it would give us more energy and make us more attractive to each other again... and sex picked up for a wee while; though my performances did not... I could exercise the body, but not the demons in my head.
Then came the hysterectomy, and when, after giving her time, I did try to initiate sex, I got the cold shoulder, the legs clamped shut together, the turn over and covers up to the neck routine... you get the idea... "fuck off, I'm closed for business".
Then the menopause happened in her mid 40's... another drop in libido to cope with.
She is not 50 yet, and still hot to look at... making it even more frustrating; a bit like owning a Porsche without any keys, desperate to drive it full tilt, but not able to start it the bastard thing!
We talked some more. She said she just didn't enjoy sex, she could live without it - but despite my limitations I told her that I couldn't live without sex, that I refused to be in a completely sexless marriage, so for the sake of 'us' she said she would try counselling.
Her comments really surprised me to be honest, because when we did have sex, and she was in a rare receptive mood... horny for once, it was so apparent to me how much she wanted to be satisfied more; by the things she murmured, and how she pushed hard against me, or tried to pull me much deeper inside her so she could feel me, and how frustrated she was when I came up short... literally... she was clearly desperate for more, wanting satisfaction - not desperate to give it up altogether, as she'd said.
Wow... did the counselling work and then some. Well for two weeks anyway. She went from wanting to be an abstaining nun, to a raging torrent of hormones; a nymph.
She jerked me off for the first time, she even sucked my cock too for the first time - I was so buzzed out of my tiny mind, I started asking her about fantasies. She said she had none... yeah right... and asked about mine. So I told her about how many times I had got myself off lying next to her, while she slept, thinking about her being screwed hard by so many men, in so many ways, in so many different situations. All the guys were studs... huge cocks, last for hours, would fuck her delirious - obviously.
I suggested we watched some porn... we watched threesomes, we watched a husband being cuckolded by a black guy with the biggest member I had ever seen (so far) - making the cucks wife squirt like a fountain. We had the best sex of our marriage that night, and all the way through I was asking her to pretend I was someone else... asking what she would do if a stranger managed to find his way in to bed with her, and she mistook him for me in the dark, only realising it wasn't me when his huge cock thrust deep in to her pussy... would she let him carry on? Would she let him use her? And you know what... she said yes... that she wouldn't be able to control herself at that point and would fuck him even though she knew it wasn't me.
Now do you see what I mean about her? The conflict, the polar opposites, a tormented, tortured woman. On the outside uninterested, and even anti-sex mostly, but when she's fully aroused, and her guard drops you see inside her soul and find a passionate, seething mass of lust locked deep within, struggling to break free. Despite the revelation that she would have let the stranger continue to have her, I managed to last way longer than usual, helping the cause... she climaxed hard with my cock still inside her; a very rare event.
As I said, this lasted every night for a few weeks then out of the blue she cut me off at the knees. She asked me not to talk about fucking other men, she didn't like my stories, hated them even, and did not want to hear them any more. It was wrong for a husband to have such thoughts, and she only went along with them to make an effort following counselling. Her "bipolar" personality kicking in again.
She was lying. Only words can lie, but the body can't. I saw how swollen her tits got and how her erect her nipples were when I told her my stories; how her skin flushed pink with excitement and how wet her cunt got, as I described the fantasy guys dicks and what they did to her. The things she said, her moans and gasps as I spoke, lending approval to my desires.
She really wanted to stop I suspected, because she wanted these things to happen to her and it scared her shitless. My fantasies had woken something inside her, stirring her emotions in to a broth of confusion and doubt, ashamed and embarrassed by the lust coursing through her... it was all new and hedonistic... and despite our problems, I knew she deeply loved me, as much as I idolised her, and she didn't want to cross the line for fear of the repercussions, of losing me.
So we went back to normal. She let me fuck her now and again to keep the peace, it was now a chore, a duty - and because that's how it felt, then it would be over in a few minutes - get your rocks off honey, but don't disturb me in the process!
She could stop me telling her about my dreams, but she could not stop me dreaming. Most nights I would play with myself while my thoughts were deep in wonderland; visions of so many men claiming my wife... while I watched. It grew to obsessive levels, I started watching cuckold porn videos nightly, reading stories of couples experiences on-line, and generally wanked myself dry most days wishing it would happen to me.
It was then I decided on one final last ditched attempt to draw out the real woman. One night I opened a cuckold story on my Ipad and proceeded to fondle my penis as I read... knowing that the good lady was not fully asleep and would guess what was going on. After I came, I went to the bathroom to wipe the cum away as usual, but this time left my Ipad on the bed with the porn story still open.
Sure enough when I came back she was reading the story, and was a bit flustered when I caught her. I laughed. But she kept reading.
