Sometimes, it's the small things that shape one's destiny. In Hayley's case, that thing was a little alarm that went off one rainy college evening just as she was about to get off while making love to her boyfriend Nathan. She's now compelled to tell what happened that night to her best friend Sarah.
TURNING ON THE SIRENS
Hayley walked through town with her best friend Sarah. They were on route to an outdoor concert in the park situated in the middle of town. It was a beautiful spring day and she had the whole weekend off to wander and do as she pleased. The warm pollinated air fell in invisible folds around her body. She wore a soft spring dress with no bra for comfort. As she walked down the peopled sidewalk she completely lost herself in the passing bodies. It was as if every young man with a little spirit in his walk might be someone to make love to, any beautiful girl her age might be someone to kiss, and any young attractive couple might be something to split up. In short, Hayley was incredibly turned on. It was as if her whole afternoon were a wet dream.
"Hey, you alright?" Sarah touched Hayley's shoulder.
"Yeah, why?" Hayley responded as she turned her head to catch the backside of a suited young man who'd been walking closer and closer towards them for the past minute. He wasn't as attractive as she'd hoped, but, he did have a great body.
"You've been quiet for like two minutes."
"Really?" Sarah still hadn't really zeroed in on Sarah's feelings, she had enough to process just on her own.
"Yeah, what's up? I usually couldn't shut you up even if I put my hand over your mouth."
"Should I be talking more? You know, it's odd, but I feel really calm. Maybe I've changed!" Hayley was normally the talker, and Sarah the listener, but she wasn't filling her normal role today.
"Alright, before you launch into your new autobiography let me call Mark. He doesn't know where to meet us."
"Mark doesn't ever know where to go."
"He's not as dumb as you think, Hayley." Sarah replied, smiling while she put her phone to her face.
"I never said your boyfriend is dumb I just think he's completely lost."
"Hey Mark!" Sarah ignored the comment as Mark's grumpy voice came through her phone.
Hayley tried to completely ignore the couple's conversation. She found a nearby bench to sit down on while she waited for the chatter to end. Over the past month Hayley had developed an anti-couples attitude. She was all for a long term lover, but she looked down on her girlfriends who were hoping to fall in love or supposedly were already in love. Most of them simply were not in love. They confused comfort for passion. Yes: it was so hard to be alone. Yes: it was so hard not being adored. Yes. Yes. Look, she got it. She had been someone's raison d'Γͺtre. She had fallen in love during college and experienced the delicate world of an intimate relationship for three long years. But she had since felt the pull of greater passions.
She didn't even have to remember the night she cheated on that wimp. It was on a fall night and a cold rain was coming down. She sat trying to do her French homework but was too hopelessly sexually alive to let alone use her own language of English in any other way than: give it to me. Nathan, her boyfriend, had only an hour ago been lying with her, making love to her, gripping her back and hips, pushing inside of her again and again and again until suddenly an alarm had gone off.
"Shit! It's almost 10:30! I'm going to miss my train," he said as he reached to silence his alarm. "I'm so sorry but I gotta run." He pulled out of her clumsily and jumped into his clothes.
"It's O.K," Hayley said as she used all her mental energy to keep herself calm and not scream at him. She teetered on the edge of climaxing. Her eyes were still closed and her mouth was still half open, about to cry out.
"Shit I got to run. I love you. I'll call you when I'm back." Her boyfriend said as he slung a bag around his shoulder.
"O.K. Bye."
She got up, put on her glasses, and looked in the mirror. Her skin was red with anger.
"Hey," Nathan could tell she was upset, "What's the matter? I wish I could stay too!," he said. Sarah didn't respond. He knew Sarah was upset and he didn't have time to deal with it. "Look, I love you. I'll be back soon," and with that said, he slid out the door.
She had never been so close to coming and then completely dropped to such a low. She was furious. The worst part was that his trip was not necessary. It wasn't for work. It wasn't for some family catastrophe. It was so he could go be around some old guy friend from his high school days. They'd probably sit together drinking and talk about the sex they had been having and about the girls who had spiked their interest besides their girlfriends. What the hell was the point when Hayley and him could actually be having sex! She felt like chasing Nathan down, tackling him off the path into the woods, and fucking him until he was too beat up to ever make it to a train again.
She tried to get herself off for a few hours. It didn't work. All her fantasies were about abusing Nathan, tying him up, binding him to a chair, and using him in whatever way she wanted. But it only brought pleasure to a part of her mind. She still wanted to be held by him. As usual, Hayley wanted multiple things at once. Nathan seemed to be able to let her want just one thing: him. Eventually her desire to dominate Nathan developed into a desire to be dominated, but not by any person, especially not him, not even any man, just---well, by something. She wanted to tie herself up to something and work as hard as she could to just get something barely inside of her. She didn't have a vibrator or a dildo, but she could invent something!
Just as she was pulling apart her fridge she heard her phone release a ding! Who was it? Maybe Nathan had missed his train! She rushed to the phone. She blushed when she saw the message, because she really felt that it was far better than anything Nathan could've sent her: "You still around? It's Jack," and Jack... was a cop.
She wished she could find someone as good as he was that night. That night she had pushed Nathan and everything he represented forever away. She drifted out of her fantasy and her mind focused back on the town before her: on Sarah talking on the phone, on mothers walking children down the street. Nothing. Well, she thought, let the hunt begin.
"Sorry that took so long Hayley!" Sarah was done with her conversation.
"Oh no problem! I was entertaining myself. Are we going to meet him at the concert?"
"Yeah. Let's go."
Thank god, Sarah thought. Hayley realized that she had never told Sarah about what had happened the night she had cheated on Nathan. It had happened very recently so she was still not used to talking about how it had changed her. Besides, all of Nathan's friends now hated her. It was uncomfortable to talk about. Sarah barely got to know him, and it was obvious Hayley didn't care about the separation, so she didn't really have a reason to care, but she probably would if Hayley told her why their relationship had ended. They continued walking to the concert. They could hear the musicians doing an echoey sound test in the distance. Partially to keep herself in a nice, comfortably turned on mood, and partially because she was already thinking about that night she had decided to leave Nathan, she had the desire to tell her best friend the story.
"Did I ever tell you about when I slept with a cop?"
"WHAT!" Sarah almost stopped in her tracks.
"Yeah, and the real shocker is that it's the reason why Nathan and I broke up."
" You cheated on Nathan?"
"Yeah."
"I thought you guys just broke up because you got bored, or at least that's what you made it sound like."