Hey guys, hope you like this story. I guess it has a somewhat lengthy intro but I hope it's a good overall ride. If you have any feedback, I'm more than happy to accept it. Thanks!!
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"Bitch what the fuck do you want from me? I'm not doing this shit over whatsapp. If you wanna talk then fucking call me! Otherwise don't waste my fucking time!" Those were the last text messages I had sent to my ex in over two months.
We met in late 2018. Like many, Tinder brought us together and it was supposed to be just a casual fling. A random meaningless hookup that didn't involve any emotional baggage. Meet up over coffee and a movie perhaps, fuck, then that's it. Over time, however, we got to know each other better and slowly I started to develop feelings for her. She told me she had feelings for me too. I professed my love to her and she to me. Then we became exclusive. She was the world to me. She said that I was the love of her life.
Then one day when I was walking to my car, I noticed a rolled-up sheet of paper stuck to the windshield wiper. It was from her. She said that she had to end things between us because her parents had introduced her to a guy that she's supposed to marry. A guy who follows the same faith as her. I was devastated. I broke down in tears.
I sent her one last message telling her that I understood her decision and I stopped talking to her. She crushed me. Then after two days of silence, she barged into my room unannounced. She curled into my arms, crying. Then we had sex. Pure passion fueled our fucking. I said that I was going to cum inside her and she nodded.
A few weeks later she told me that her period was late and we feared the worst. She was freaking out. In her panicked state, she said that she was afraid that her father will take her apartment away from her if he finds out she's pregnant out of wedlock.
That's when something clicked in me. I believed this to be the reason why she broke up with me in the first place. It's something that she blurted out unintentionally, but I didn't turn that into an argument. I let it slide because I didn't want to pile on to her misery.
She got her period a few days later anyway. We continued seeing each other but she made it very clear that we could only see each other temporarily. When she gets married, were to stop seeing each other. I agreed because I still loved her, and I believed that she loved me too. However, I wasn't completely alright with the arrangement. The thought of her spending her life with another man never sat well with me, and so we argued constantly.
I stopped talking to her many times, telling her to go her own way if she can't commit to me. She kept coming back to me and I relented, always. But the fighting continued. Whenever I asked her about her situation with Paul, her fiance, or so I thought, she'd turn it into an argument and stop talking to me. She'd always deflect from the subject.
She was always vague about it. I'd ask her when she's getting married and she'd say 'I don't know'. I'd ask her if she can get out of her marriage and she'd say 'no'. She said they were forcing her to get married. Then when I asked her again a few months later she said they were not forcing her, but it's just too complicated to explain to me. Then she shuts off.
When she does that I don't push further, although I had always suspected it was because of her apartment. She doesn't want to risk losing it. Then a couple of months ago, on my birthday, I ended it again. It was the last straw for me. I realized that she was just taking me for a ride. She'd been using me for her own benefit.
I'm just a place where she can find solace from all her problems, where she can forget about them. That's all I am to her, an escape. All that talk about me being the love of her life, those were complete lies. She just said things that I wanted to hear, things that will make me want to hang on to her or take her back, depending on our situation at that moment.
It's now been two months since our last conversation. She had sent me two messages since. Both were forwarded messages about a job opportunity at the school she works at. I didn't reply to any of them. I didn't want to read into it any further too, but it bugged me. Especially when I'm trying so hard to rid her off my mind. I'm still thinking about her every single day and it's torturous. It's painful.
I honestly thought that I could build a life with her. I was ready to change my whole life for her. I was committed to her and she used that to her advantage. She was just using me. That realization pissed me the fuck off. Though I had many choice words for her, I always stopped myself from reaching the phone, scrolling down to her name and flooding her inbox with a tirade of wrath and obscenities.
That changed yesterday morning. I was writing a journal entry and heard a knock on my room door. I moved the laptop aside and got off my bed. As I walked to the door a strange feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. I turned the doorknob and saw her standing in front of me. Her eyes were teary, her cheeks red.
"What the fuck do you want?" I asked.
"I wanted to see you."
"What the fuck for bitch? Haven't you done enough?"
"I'm sorry but I NEEDED to see you."
"Yeah sure bitch, you'll see me when you need to see me then you'll dump me like trash again right? Just like a fucking tampon!"
"That's not true! Please let me in. I need to see you! I need to hold you!"
"Oh, so that's it. You just want my dick?"
"NO! It's not like that!"
"Then what?!"
