Unfaithful

Almost without realizing it, I drummed my fingers on the table by the side of the sofa. A minor delay, five minutes or so, a thing which would never bother me in other circumstances. But of course that wasn't a regular situation. I leaned my head against the wall, closed my eyes and maybe sighed. Through the door, a loud and clear female voice. Hard to let it go. Normally I would have waited in the hallway, keeping distance from others' problems, but this time I was too anxious to do that. It was a relief to finally hear them say goodbye to each other, and then a footfall. As soon as the door was open, a lean woman left in a hurry, eyes fixed on the floor. Maybe she knew I had been outside listening to everything that was said in the room for a while.

The man now was waiting for me.

"How are you?" Jake asked me.

"Good, thanks. How are you?" I said automatically. Without facing him, I went across the room and settled on the divan.

And then the silence. He never asked why I didn't sit on the couch as usual, but I could feel his inquisitor look at the back of my neck — that stare which demands some statement, as trivial as it could come out.

"So?" he asked.

I didn't know where to begin. All that hurry, and now complete silence. Maybe I just wanted to be there.

"The subject of our last meeting. Your wife's friend," he insisted.

"Yeah... This weekend was awkward."

"What happened?"

"Anna and I planned to go out with some friends on Friday. She wanted to also invite April and I didn't know how to get that idea out of her mind. Or else I didn't really want to. I don't know, it might be more comfortable for me if we had more people around us. But eventually the others couldn't make it, and once again it was only the three of us."

"I see."

"The club was packed. At a point of the evening, April disappeared in the crowd and only showed up again when Anna went to the restroom. We were alone on the dance floor."

"And then?"

"There was this sexy song playing, a song with a wild beat and an intense riff. April began taking small steps forward with the rhythm, her body gracefully turning to one side then to the other. She was coming closer and staring at me with her chin slightly up, as if she was challenging me, and then turned around. It was not a hump, she moved her hips only up and down in time to the beat while her whole body was taking a slower turn. And I enjoyed every angle, but tried not to stare, apprehensive that it might be some kind of test which the two of them had agreed to submit me to."

"Do you really think Anna would do that?"

"She has done before."

"Are you sure?"

"She told me so, long ago. Well, she did that to an ex-boyfriend, but we have been arguing out of jealousy so often that I don't doubt she would do that to me too. Women are too sensitive to be suspicious for no reason. Anna knows I don't get through a day without fantasizing about other women, and also suspects of consummated cheating."

I paused for a moment. It was really strange that they seemed to have switched places and April and I were too conveniently alone for about four songs. Without any doubt it could have been a set up and, if so, I knew Anna well enough to expect her to do it checking if I wouldn't be hit by a glimmer of decency and give up at the last minute.

"What happened next?" Jake asked me.

"I took a look around to make sure she wasn't observing me from a distance. No sign of her. Then I couldn't help drooling over April, those curves, those moves, thinking that a woman who dances with such confidence and control over her body must be like a hurricane in bed. The very moment this idea crossed my mind, she smiled knowingly, you see?"

"So you're saying she read your thoughts."

"Oh, she knew. She just knew."

"Okay. Go on."

"Soon after, she turned around once again, very slowly, looked at me and extended her hand in my direction. Maybe she was calling me with her finger, but I couldn't be sure because of those damn flashing lights."

"Did you go to her?"

"I was so eager to. I think I've never desired a woman so badly in my whole life. My imagination went wild. I pictured myself grabbing her arms, kissing her and pulling her close to me so that she could feel what she had caused with that crazy game of hers. But all I could do was imagine. Meanwhile, she kept spinning, spinning, holding her hair in her hands. I don't know why, but I've always found something interesting in a woman with arms up like this."

"Maybe it suggests vulnerability."

The idea sounded true and yet somehow inaccurate in that context. I kept silent for a moment, trying to find out what didn't fit, and suddenly realized my arms and legs were crossed. This gave me a hint.

"Well, then the result was more like the other way around," I verbalized. "She lifts her arms and it's me who feels vulnerable, she whirls and it's me who gets dizzy. I must have acted like a dork, standing still in the middle of the dance floor with a woman dancing like that in front of me. A woman who couldn't be mine, but didn't want to be anyone else's."

"Why do you say that?"

"She had already turned down four or five guys earlier, and those were only the ones I knew about. As for the others, I could even picture the hair at their necks standing up merely at a matched gaze, because their faces were a mix of surprise and admiration and desire and embarrassment and confusion all together. And now this woman was trying to drive me crazy. Why me?"

"It could be that thing you mentioned before, or it could be another kind of test. A test of her own."

"How can I know whether it is?"

"I don't know. I guess you just won't."

I probably sighed once more. The worst part was the doubt.

"Oh, but that waist, those feet! And the hair, curled, wild and long. With that hair and that light dress, she seemed to have strolled out of an Art Nouveau poster. I know I can't do this, I love Anna... But I'm weak, Jake. I'm weak and I'll fuck it all up. Even if it's a trap, there will come a time when I'll turn into a brute. Right there on the dance floor, when she turned her back to me..."

I stopped talking to avoid telling that I almost kissed her neck, pulled her panties aside, opened my trousers and fucked her right there, among all those people. That I pictured myself doing it slowly, a little deeper each hump, in a way which would make it look like — in my dreams — we were only dancing.

The fantasy started causing embarrassing effects, not for the first time in that week. It was time to change the subject.

"I'm no good. My wife doesn't deserve what I'm doing to her," I admitted.

"Then you should avoid this woman."

"As if it was an easy thing to do. Last afternoon, Anna's cell phone rang while she was driving and I had to answer. It was April. She wanted to know what were our plans for that evening, so I made up that we would be at home watching a movie."

"There you go."

"Right. Then she asked me what I would be doing on Thursday. In shock, I laughed nervously and said I didn't know."

Replaying the scene, I once again tried to imagine whether Anna had been suspicious of that conversation, and once again considered the possibility that maybe she already knew exactly what April had called her — or me, since she wouldn't be available — for. That's when another phone rang, the one in the office, and soon Jake came into my sight to check the caller ID on the table in front of the divan.

"Sorry. I have to answer this," he said.

It seemed something serious. His facial expression changed during the brief call.

"It's an emergency. I'm so sorry. I have to leave as soon as possible," he told me right after hanging up.

"Alright. Is it very bad?"

"I don't know yet. I hope not. Oh, and we will reschedule our session, don't worry."

I agreed, despite grumbling to myself that I didn't want another session. I needed that one. I was even more tense than before, tense and frustrated. As I was leaving the building, I turned left without knowing why and walked aimlessly until stopping next to a bar. What I had not finished saying to Jake was that April had quietly given me her whereabouts at eight o'clock Thursday evening and that I was thinking about going there, even if only to ask her to stop teasing me.

The hardest part was to avoid Anna at night. In that state of mind, if I made love to her it would be thinking about the other woman, and that I didn't want to do. But I kept getting aroused just at the memory of April dancing in the club. I tried to calm myself down in the shower, tried to think of a solution, tried to ask the closest friends for advice. None of this changed what, in fact, was already more than resolved in my mind.

The rest of the week dragged on endlessly — no news, all expectations. And, on the big night, there I was at the bar of the chosen pub, watching the bartender prepare drinks. I had gone straight from office and had been drinking non-stop since seven o'clock, even though I had promised myself not to deal with this under the influence of alcohol. It was already getting to my head when I realized fingers jamming through my hair, holding up firmly and gently pulling my head back, then sideways. There was not a look, nor a word. She simply did whatever she wanted to, as she did from the very beginning, and I had no strength to say "no, I'm married".

"Damn... Now it's all fucked up, it's just hopeless," I murmured to myself instead of giving her the rehearsed speech.

I paid the bill, left my half finished beer and we snuck into the first cab that passed by. Within minutes, we were alone in a motel suite, where she began to undress. It was a strange version of the striptease I longed for, as there was no music, dance or smiles, but no less exciting. When she was finally naked, I went down on my knees and hugged her... No, I grabbed her, grabbed her as if she would run away at any moment. I kissed her belly, her thighs, her legs, her feet. Those delicate feet... She lift one of them, ran its fingers over my mouth and put it on my shoulder, spreading her legs before my eyes as I watched amazed of what was about to happen. My cock so hard it was aching. My mouth watering in anticipation.

Without using my hands, I went all the way up her inner thigh, licked her wet pussy lips, parted them with the tip of my tongue and teased her clit. I wanted to suck it, but couldn't help licking her juices instead. The taste was very faint, a bit salty, so good that I instinctively started moving in and out in search of every drop. Fucking her slit with my tongue, massaging her clit with my finger, while she held my hair and looked at me from above with a somewhat ironic smile of approval to what I was doing. But gradually the smile faded away, her breath became irregular and the pressure at the back of my head increased. Her whole body looked tensed up now. I could tell she was about to cum and, as she did, her legs trembled a little bit.

She closed them, pulled my tie and so dragged me to the bed, making me crawl. Asked me to put a condom on, and guess whether I had bought some for us on my way to the pub? A woman that gorgeous flirting like crazy, how could anyone not go for that? No, it's a lie. I didn't have to do shit. I wanted to. Because I'm a slut.

That's what I was telling myself while looking for the condoms in my wallet in the living room, right before hearing a cell phone. I confess it took me a while to recognize the ring tone of my own device, because I couldn't understand how I had forgotten to turn it off. I immediately ran back to the room, but, to my surprise, April had already answered the call.

And, even before seeing the disdainful look on her face, I knew who was across the line.